| 26 May 12 | It's getting hot in here (2) | (27 May 12, 6:42 PM by tangendentalism) |
| Oh the weather is beautiful isn't it? We're off to a barbeque this afternoon and then a Eurovision party tonight - both very exciting! Daddy came to my house last night from work, so we're here this morning and all my housemates are gone, so we can just hang around being ourselves. It's lovely. I showed daddy my colouring last night and he really liked it. [more...]
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| 22 May 12 | Ballet with attitude | (22 May 12, 6:14 PM by tangendentalism) |
| I had intended (ok, loosely considered) doing houseworky things after therapy today, but then there were books and shops and swings and more books and now, finally, the internet, and it's only an hour and a half before I leave for ice skating so I totally can't start anything now... Not least because I'm eating ice cream (a mini twister and it's lovely, thanks for asking) and that wouldn't combine well with Domestos *at all*. The other thing that I have not yet got round to, but totally will be making time for is doing some colouring in my new colouring book with some new colouring pencils I got [more...]
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| 16 May 12 | Wimbling free | (16 May 12, 10:18 PM by tangendentalism) |
| I always get the words to The Wombles theme tune mixed up. I sing 'underground, overground, wombling free, the wimbles of wombledon common are we...' Still makes me happy to sing it though. [more...]
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| 30 Apr 12 | Limits | (30 Apr 12, 4:25 PM by tangendentalism) |
| I don't really have a sense of where my limits are. Talking with my daddy over the weekend confirmed for me that he's likely always to place greater limits on what he can do with me/us and on what he can take control of than I am. That's ok, I think. It's important to me that he feels comfortable with what he's doing and reassured that I want as much of his control as he is willing to give me. And I do. I've been reflecting on some of the things he has said he doesn't want to take control of. While I respect his right not to take control of things - anything at all if he didn't feel like it, although [more...]
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| 25 Apr 12 | Avast! (2) | (26 Apr 12, 7:05 AM by tangendentalism) |
| This weekend we went to see Pirates! In an adventure with Scientists! And we had Bitsa Wispa and Ribena and I got very excited at all the trailers. It was awesome. After the film we went to a pub for lunch and I said how happy I was to have seen it because I really wanted to, but didn't want to go on my own. I've been going to the cinema on my own quite a lot recently, but I wanted daddy to take me. He teased me about it a bit, but I think he understood. [more...]
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| 14 Apr 12 | Because I could do with the reminder (1) | (14 Apr 12, 11:48 AM by Ama_Sidero) |
| I said this. I meant it. I need to keep meaning it. [more...]
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| 13 Apr 12 | Structure | (13 Apr 12, 9:45 AM by tangendentalism) |
| I'm feeling a bit low today. I haven't seen my therapist this week, I'm tired from the amazing convention at the weekend and telling myself I'm not ill so I won't be, and I'm not going to see my partner (I almost wrote my daddy - which says a lot about how I'm feeling) this weekend because he really is ill and needs some space to recover from the convention as well. And I have a small mountain of marking to do and I just don't want to. I am getting there though. [more...]
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| 3 Apr 12 | Belonging (2) | (3 Apr 12, 5:03 PM by Sadistia) |
| I'm in a contemplative mood today. The weather's turned and I have the entirely expected end of term cold. With nothing to do today but marking my thoughts have inevitably turned philosophical. I have a greater sense of balance now than I have for a long time. I have worked, and am still working hard to regain the sense of self-reliance I felt so strongly when I was younger. I feel it coming back more often now. It's not just the drugs that are doing this; it's me, it's the hypnotherapy and the cognitive behavioural therapy and realising what I really want from my life. I have an image of where [more...]
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| 2 Apr 12 | *The* secret to a happy life (7) | (3 Apr 12, 6:47 AM by wonderer) |
| After ages (ooh days, at least) of thinking about it, I have, I think (I'm being modest - I know I've got it really) hit on *the* secret to lifelong happiness. There are two steps: [more...]
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| 27 Mar 12 | I can see clearly now the rain is gone | (27 Mar 12, 8:53 AM by tangendentalism) |
| In an episode of Dharma and Greg (which I totally loved), there's a scene where having stayed up all night reading philosophical and religious texts Greg finally thinks he has come to clarity about life, the universe and everything. Dharma wakes up to the sound of him singing 'I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all popsicles in my way.' She interjects, 'Obstacles, not popsicles... Unless they were giant popsicles. And they were in your way.' Every time I hear the song or (a much more frequent occurrence) find myself singing it, I think about that. [more...]
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| 12 Mar 12 | 'Your will is your own. | (12 Mar 12, 3:42 PM by tangendentalism) |
| You are the Master of your fate, the Captain of your soul. You gradually learn a philosophy of your own design.' [more...]
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| 5 Mar 12 | Maturity | (5 Mar 12, 10:29 PM by tangendentalism) |
| I just read something on the 'Effective communication without defensiveness' thread that made me think a bit. I can't remember the context, but it was a basic point that maturity is a necessary requirement for good communication skills. In some ways I'm extremely mature and have been since I was way younger than I should have been. I was always quite a serious child and was extremely keen to get on and grow up, so I could live the kind of life I wanted to. I was precocious anyway and some of the things that had a significant impact on my childhood enhanced that. By the time I was 11 or so, I felt [more...]
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| 28 Feb 12 | I think you can in Europe | (28 Feb 12, 12:02 PM by tangendentalism) |
| I've been on the little pills for a week and a half now and I'm doing ok. My thoughts have calmed a lot and I'm finding it easier to concentrate on things than I have for a long time. I went back to work yesterday and it was ok. It felt good to be doing something again; although I do recognise that I haven't been doing nothing these last three weeks. I am tired from it and the rest of the week (today excluded as I don't teach on Tuesdays) will be busier, but it was good to be back in that environment and know I can cope. [more...]
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| 21 Feb 12 | Emotional masochism | (21 Feb 12, 9:55 AM by tangendentalism) |
| I don't have the facility to think this through right now and I don't think it's a good idea for me to do so at the moment anyway, but I wanted to save this quote from @pinkylucy on the emotional masochism and sadism thread to come back to it later. I do this, I think. It's part of why the whole thing still scares me. [more...]
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| 20 Feb 12 | Also, it's sunny | (20 Feb 12, 2:54 PM by tangendentalism) |
| So I've been taking the little pills for four days now. Other than feeling just a little bit sick all the time and some ringing in my ears on the second day I don't seem to be having any major side effects. I think my libido has dropped some, but that's probably not a bad thing. Overall, I feel ok. In fact, better than that, I feel good. I feel capable. I'm still a bit unfocused and before 10.30 I'm still feeling not quite able to do things, but I feel better than I have in *ages*. I guess that makes this a win for the drugs. /^/ [more...]
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| 17 Feb 12 | I took the white pill (3) | (19 Feb 12, 9:56 AM by tangendentalism) |
| The doctor gave me Citalopram and another week off. I've just taken the first one and I can see the wisdom of not being at work. Everyone has told me that they will lower my mood for the first few days. I'm afraid. I had a really good day yesterday, getting stuff done, feeling productive, talking with some really lovely and insightful friends and a great hypnotherapy session. By the time I got home I was so tired I felt sick and very weak. This morning I'm still exhausted. I couldn't teach in this state. But the tablets are going to make things worse for a while. I don't know how I will cope with [more...]
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| 13 Feb 12 | Fear and loathing | (13 Feb 12, 1:21 PM by tangendentalism) |
Trusttolove wrote:
i always used to feel quite depressed at the thought there was 'something wrong with me'. how come being hurt seems wonderful and vanilla sex seems scary and yuk. |
[more...]
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| 10 Feb 12 | If you let me (3) | (12 Feb 12, 6:34 PM by Ama_Sidero) |
| I miss you. I know why you're not here. I understand it and it's nothing really. You'll be here tomorrow. But I lay here on my own last night thinking about being held by you and imagining your arms wrapped around me and looking forward to seeing you and touching you and smelling you and yes, hearing and tasting you as well. And now tonight I'm laying here on my own and I miss you. [more...]
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| 10 Feb 12 | Tolerating ambiguity (1) | (10 Feb 12, 7:06 PM by Ama_Sidero) |
| Following @Ama_Sidero's suggestion I've been recording my mood using Moodscope and this morning, clearing my email junk folder, I found the following email from the site: [more...]
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| 9 Feb 12 | This is interesting: (1) | (9 Feb 12, 4:46 PM by carenza_lionheart) |
| 'The relationship between dependence and submission is definitely a complex one, and something I don't hear discussed openly too often. However, it is an undercurrent for many of the topics we write about, and it's a relationship that not many folks in the lifestyle look at too closely. [more...]
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