today (8)

shel_shock's profile

shel_shock
Posted by shel_shock on Thu 4 Sep 08, 1:04 PM

Today has been the strangest of day. In my life there is has been someone who i occasionally top, Today whilst playing i realised i can't do it, I can't be the person he wanted me to be.

More then that i sort of thought, along the way i have lost being who i want to be.

The things i enjoy are the things i enjoy, and thats it, I don't want to fall into the restrictions of being a someone with a title, i want to have fun.

I love submitting to people for a time, but when anyone mentions ownership or you are my sub. I feel like i am no longer being me and who they think i should be.

I crave pain and humiliation more often then not, I can't do nilla very well. I am sexual and sometimes i want to a dirty slut (well lots of the time) and need the push to do it cos someone is pushing me.

But now i feel lost because i can't say i am a sub or a dom or a whatever. I am just Shel but i feel like being just Shel is letting alot of people down.

anyway enough word rambling just need to get that out of my head and down in writing, so i can read it at a later date and maybe understand what i mean.

edited to make replies visible

Edited Thu 4 Sep 08, 1:49 PM by shel_shock

Replies

4 Sep 08, 1:20 PM
Michael_08
UK, 8 mths
Getting it out of your head is good, writing it down so you can refer to it later is even better.
You be who you want to be. With time and communication you will find the person or persons for you and your needs.

Where we will end up, nobody really knows.
Just follow that path to where ever it goes.

4 Sep 08, 1:25 PM
panjaret
UK(B), 5 mths
It makes a lot of sense to me
Being Bi means i can double my options. My sister says im just plain greedy.

4 Sep 08, 2:16 PM
DomGLW
3 yrs It makes alot of sense to me, as you know. I think you need to be you and not try to fit into anyone's box (unless you enjoy that, in which case, go right ahead !). Don't you go worrying about labels or names, just be yourself and someone will come along and give you just what you need. x

4 Sep 08, 2:19 PM
shel_shock
UK(MK), 14 mths

DomGLW wrote:
It makes alot of sense to me, as you know. I think you need to be you and not try to fit into anyone's box (unless you enjoy that, in which case, go right ahead !). Don't you go worrying about labels or names, just be yourself and someone will come along and give you just what you need. x
thanks greg hugs xx

4 Sep 08, 2:28 PM
Masters_kat
10 mths Sounds to me that you know who you are and what you need. Something some people never learn about themselves.
T x x

4 Sep 08, 2:31 PM
shel_shock
UK(MK), 14 mths
thanks Kat, just getting to know myself better

4 Sep 08, 2:48 PM
Masters_kat
10 mths
shel_shock wrote:
thanks Kat, just getting to know myself better
Sounds like you do already, other's will learn and if they don't accept you for who you are, they don't deserve you

5 Sep 08, 5:28 PM
Little_Bitch
UK(S), 4 mths
Great to hear about someone fighting to be themselves, rather than falling into the trap of trying to be a stereotype.
Personally, I know I'll never fit into any stereotypical image someone who doesn't know me would expect. Labels are a handy way of giving people some idea of who you are, but they are rarely a good fit in reality.
You go be yourself, and do what you want to do!


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