cerrynn1's blog on Informed Consent http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/weblogs/cerrynn1/ The IC RSS Gadget webmaster@informedconsent.co.uk 360 Sat, 26 May 2007 14:12:19 GMT Sat, 26 May 2007 14:12:19 GMT Sat, 26 May 2007 14:12:19 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/145447/ Are any of you Babylon 5 fans? If so, you may recall the scene. If not, it doesn't matter. Fri, 29 Dec 2006 18:49:06 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/122509/ No, I'm not going Domme. No, I'm not even going switch. I know full well that deep down, as far as my own psychological/sexual wiring is concerned, I am a submissive (and a pretty darned happy and contented one at that). Wed, 27 Dec 2006 11:27:15 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/122182/ Happy Christmas/Saturnalia/Winter Solstice/Channuka/O-Sho-Gattsu/New Year's, to each and every one of you (no doubt I have missed a few festive events, but hey, at least I have tried!) Hope everyone is contented and well and peaceful and stuffed to the gills with mince pies. I know we are. Sun, 09 Apr 2006 00:42:43 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/79480/ Well, a quick look around suggests that I don't know anyone here anymore. No, that's not true. I see a weblog from at least one person that I know (and like and respect and all those good things very much, and in real life, even!). And a couple from people I've met. And a couple from people whom I remember from blogs of long ago. Thu, 17 Feb 2005 19:04:07 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/31776/ ...Anyone remember me? My last weblog was waaaaayyyyy back in September, I see. So I thought I'd say hello to any friends still out there and catch up a bit. So often when people disappear off IC it's because some dreadful personal crisis has brought their BDSM/scene-related life to a screeching halt. With me -- with us, rather -- that's certainly not the case. Thu, 30 Sep 2004 13:46:07 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10212/ With reference to the current debate: the last three years of my former marriage were a 24/7, living- together threesome (the ex-husband plus another woman plus me). Unsurprisingly, as a result of that experience I have thought quite a bit about monogamy and its alternatives. I wrote about my adventures in a full-time polyamorous relationship at some length when a previous mono/poly debate was raging in the blogs. Some people seemed to find it interesting. If you want to read about it, it's at: Wed, 22 Sep 2004 08:21:38 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10211/ Much of the debate over "limits" and how they should best be handled seemed to stem from people having different conceptions of what the word "limit" means in this context. If a Dominant and a submissive were discussing "limits", and had not clearly defined the key term(s) involved, possibly some communication misfires might result. In fact, the weblog debate of the last couple of days might just serve as a metaphor for what can and all too often does happen in "real life" interpersonal communication. A misunderstanding, a communications misfire, led to anger, bitterness and bad feeling. In this case, there was a positive outcome. Some excellent essays have been posted by bloggers on both sides of the debate, but more importantly at least two people struggled, not to reach agreement, but rather to communicate more effectively. By all indications they succeeded. My sincere compliments to both PaganDiver and ShadowRose for sharing their attempts to better understand the other's point of view ... *well done* to you both. The following is NOT an attempt to re-open the argument ... rather, I wanted to share some of our thoughts on how talking about "limits" can contribute to expanding those limits, and consequently to experiencing more intense and more exciting scenes. Mon, 13 Sep 2004 14:23:54 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10210/ Center's recent weblog on "being monogamous" invited responses, so here's mine for what it's worth. This is something I've touched on before in past weblogs ... issues of mono- and poly- relationships, jealousy, playing with others ... so I run the risk of repeating myself here, and probably also risk boring my handful of regular readers to a shameful degree. But I did have a couple of new thoughts on it all, for center and anyone else who may be pondering these topics. Fri, 10 Sep 2004 08:10:24 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10209/ I doubt you'll ever read this -- after all, we don't know each other. But know that you are in our thoughts ... and if any deities or spirits are listening, my wishes for you go to them. Thu, 02 Sep 2004 09:34:00 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10208/ It's been my opinion for a while that the main benefit of the safecall system comes from what you learn about your prospective person in the process of gathering the necessary safecall information. Tue, 31 Aug 2004 14:33:34 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10207/ As some of you may have picked up from fleeting, sarcastic remarks in some of my other blogs, I'm not especially sympathetic to the concept of "training". Larra, in her next-to-last weblog, stated very well a number of the same reasons why I am skeptical, although she was substantially more diplomatic than I am likely to be if allowed to state my opinions on this particular topic. Mon, 23 Aug 2004 11:27:22 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10206/ The IC weblog "environment" seems to have been undergoing one of its periodic metamorphoses of mood, tone and character(s?) recently. I've been (sporadically) writing here long enough now to have witnessed these changes before. I've stuck with it, though, mostly because I have come to know some wonderful people through IC. At the last BBB, as she wrote in her own weblog last week, Matou and I had the chance to meet Pussylash and Perverted. Actually, we knew (and liked, and like!) Perverted already, but this was the first time we had the opportunity to meet the delightful and charming Pussylash after many months of interesting correspondence, a correspondence sparked by hers and my weblogs. We had a wonderfully enjoyable conversation with both of them, and with other friends as well, at the BBB. I shall echo her remark that we look forward to developing our friendship with them. Thu, 12 Aug 2004 10:56:36 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10205/ First the kudos ... to caprycorn (yesterday's weblog) and to unDIMinished{D} for brilliant, cogent and sensible comments on this most pernicious topic. I can't resist adding a few of my own reflections, but really they have already said it all. Because the most recent weblogs on the subject have focused on "submission" and its variants I will stick with that, but everything I will say below applies just as well to the dominant side of things. That said, let the rantings begin. Thu, 05 Aug 2004 10:24:21 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10204/ Not a rant. Not a scene report. No advice to those who don't want it. Scarcely relevant to D/s or BDSM. There are other things I should be doing right now. Who knows why I am doing this, writing this, to all of you, people who either don't know us or scarcely know us, and most likely don't care either way. Perhaps it was Dewi Cinci's weblog, his beautiful description of waking up next to the person you love, whom you want to make happy. It reminded me of a realisation I had last night. Mon, 02 Aug 2004 13:54:38 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10203/ So that oldie-but-goodie, "what's the difference between a slave and a sub", seems to have surfaced again. Alexandra's weblog is one of the best answers to that question that I have ever read. If you haven't read it yet, go read it now. It's at: Fri, 30 Jul 2004 11:41:46 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10202/ Once again, I must say how much I enjoyed ShadowRose's latest weblog (yes, we'll have to make that mutual admiration society official some day!). Although our experiences of living in a country not your own are very different, much of what she wrote resonated for me. Reading her weblog, and recalling an incident from yesterday (one among many) led me to write a bit on the phenomenon of living in a culture that is not *quite* your own ... Thu, 22 Jul 2004 14:43:19 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10201/ Strangely enough, Matou and I were talking about this very topic last night: about how many submissives, myself included, have and enjoy "rape fantasies" (or "ravishment fantasies" or "forced sex" fantasies). Many submissives, myself included, have and enjoy these fantasies, *and* enjoy enacting BDSM or D/s scenes involving forced sex. Some submissives, myself included, have and enjoy such fantasies, and enjoy such scenes (enacting the fantasies), even when we have experienced *real*, non-consensual rape. Thu, 15 Jul 2004 18:44:41 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10200/ I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. Really ("yeah, right", I hear you say). Matou has added a few comments, so this is in fact a joint weblog by both of us. His contributions are so indicated. Mon, 12 Jul 2004 10:13:29 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10199/ At the conclusion of my last blog (the rant on cliques), as is my custom, I addressed a few words to Matou. As often (not always, but often), my final words were "...and I am so proud to be yours." Fri, 09 Jul 2004 14:12:14 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/10198/ Ok, I admit it. This is going to be a bit of a rant. Mostly it will be a bit of a rant about cliques and "cliquishness", in response to several recent weblogs on the "munch" topic ... but perhaps not quite the response that some might expect. Also, be warned: I have allowed myself to indulge in some minor sarcasm here, so the faint-of-heart may as well turn back now. Still with me? Then let us proceed ... Our handy paperback Collins Reference English Dictionary offers the following definitions for "clique": "1. small exclusive set 2. faction, group of people". All right. I am guessing that many of the people who have accused specific munches, or munches in general, of being "cliquish" have had the first definition in mind: they seem to be asserting that, in their experiences at least, munches are largely composed of "small exclusive sets" of people. "Exclusive" here is the key word, I would say, in the sense that the writers mentioned have perceived that the "small sets" of people they have seen at munches (and by extension, at other BDSM social events, clubs, fetish fairs, etc) have, supposedly with intent, desired to exclude other people, and specifically have desired to exclude newbies and/or shy people. This may in fact be the case in some situations. I don't know. But ... I would like to suggest some alternate interpretations of the "group behaviour" described. Can we be absolutely certain that groups of people sitting and drinking and talking and laughing with each other at munches -- or at the BBB, or at a club, or at any other BDSM social event -- really *do* intend to exclude the company of others? Can we be absolutely certain that they arrived at the function in question, sat down, and decided amongst themselves that they would strive to exclude others, strive to injure the feelings of others, strive to make already nervous newbies and shy people even more uncomfortable and unhappy? You might call me an unrealistically positive thinker, or someone who perhaps has too benign a view of human nature, I suppose. But I really doubt that the people you see sitting in groups at a munch *do* arrive with such intentions. For one thing, I really am rather a cynic about some aspects of human nature and in my cynical world view, most humans simply don't have the evil genius or malicious creativity necessary to effectively arrive at such a plan (i.e. "let's go to the munch and every-so-subtly do everything we can to make the newbies and shy people miserable!"). Equally cynically, neither do I believe most people have the attention span necessary to stick with such a project for the entire duration of a longish social event (like a three-to-five-hour-long munch). That said, here are a few of my suggested, alternate interpretations: