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| alexandraa |
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| 29 Jun 04 | Pigeons | (29 Jun 04, 7:17 PM by alexandraa) |
| Yes i want to know too. What is all that mangled one legged business about? Shudder i hate noticing it. Do they all play chicken with the electrified lines? I have this image of them standing in rows going, "OK left leg NOW!!" and then frying. Shudder again, yes I have a sick and twisted mind. Or maybe its because they walk too much. I always think why do pigeons walk around all the time? That's not normal. They have wings. Fly pigeons fly. How did they evolve to walk and not be that scared of humans? [more...] | ||
| 28 Jun 04 | Nastiness | (28 Jun 04, 10:10 PM by alexandraa) |
| I dont get it. What's funny or clever about attacking other people? I look behind what others write to the "why" they write the things they write. Look for the hurt or the pain, the unhappiness or sometimes the simple joy. [more...] | ||
| 28 Jun 04 | Taking back the gift of submission | (28 Jun 04, 12:50 PM by alexandraa) |
| Speaking from a position of experience I dont think you can take it back actually. Not once you've truly given it. Not once you've opened your mind, your heart, your soul, given your body to another completely and utterly. There is no taking back to be done. You can be released, rebuffed, rejected. Its not so easy to patch the pieces together when the pattern you've been working to has been the pleasure of another. You cant just pick up a jigsaw bit and say ahhhhh there's my submission, it slots in just here, ohh goody whole again fab. I wish. [more...] | ||
| 27 Jun 04 | A quiet one & sister sub? Edit | (27 Jun 04, 9:05 PM by alexandraa) |
| A quiet weekend time for contemplation, time for just me to take a breath and allow myself to think. I'm very good at ignoring issues and pretending they dont exist, exceptionally adept at it in fact. So consequently its been a bit of a toughie but i feel there's light at the end of the tunnel. Couple more corners to turn maybe but i'm getting there. Ohhh i tell you what i did though. I told my sister about my lifestyle. Oh yes. [more...] | ||
| 25 Jun 04 | An eyeful of orgasm & conforming | (25 Jun 04, 10:22 PM by alexandraa) |
| I know just what you mean Pagandiver. Colbeh used to make me do that now and again, its a god damn chuffing hard thing to do - to hold eye contact during an orgasm but if you do.... well.... for me it was very much a feeling of there was my control, there was the man allowing and demanding my orgasm. An utter demand of submission. It was humiliating (humbling rather than demeaning) and yet freeing (to show and give him everything) and oh so intensely personal and emotional. A space and time so private and personal between two people and a neat trick for any Dominant wanting to push [more...] | ||
| 23 Jun 04 | Confessions, Dims and the magic of Ds | (23 Jun 04, 6:07 PM by alexandraa) |
| Thing is when you get it just right, complete and utter submission to complete and utter Dominance is a most marvellous magical thing. Its seriously fulfilling and just beyond words to describe the state of mind reached and the pleasure that can be experienced. When you truly meet someone you can drop your barriers with and they can drop their barriers with you, when you can both open yourselves completely to each other and trust absolutely in each other then you have it cracked. [more...] | ||
| 22 Jun 04 | Blue hair nets & other fetishes | (22 Jun 04, 6:51 PM by alexandraa) |
| Well today as part of my secret vanilla life (yes you didn't realise I was so utterly perverted as to do vanilla during the day..) I went on some site visits which included going round a couple of food production companies. While I was detangling myself from earings, bracelets and my beloved watch, I woefully eye-ed (how is that spelt?) a white coat, blue hair net and white wellies. It occured to me a load of you lot would probably get off on seeing me dressed like that. Well at least you'd piss your pants. How does one do glamourous and sexy with a blue hair net and no jewellery? [more...] | ||
| 20 Jun 04 | Odd weekend & Tarot | (20 Jun 04, 9:03 PM by alexandraa) |
| Odd weekend, friend's BBQ was a little strained for one reason and another but it was still good to see people again. We think we're unique but in reality we're not. I found myself comforting a friend while she told me how she felt, every emotion mirrored my own. I suppose we're all human animals and are mostly very alike in our behaviours. Similar patterns at least. [more...] | ||
| 19 Jun 04 | Light dawns & a sweet new friend | (19 Jun 04, 11:47 AM by alexandraa) |
| Well a funny thing happened yesterday that got me to thinking about a lot of things and helped me so so very much to see things from another persepective. I had to go out to a negotiation session yesterday afternoon and a colleague asked if they could tag along to see me in action and hopefully learn from the experience. No problem at all its someone I like and respect and was happy for her to join me. Meeting went really well but then I'm a reasonable sort... mostly.. Afterwards she suggested we stop for a glass of wine and we got to talking. [more...] | ||
| 14 Jun 04 | Following evil twin & cliches | (14 Jun 04, 6:54 PM by alexandraa) |
| Well what else can i do but agree with evil twin? She'd beat me up otherwise. We were chewing the fat this morning on leather and clothes and the "scene". I got to thinking about myself. I started choosing to wear black 90% of the time when I was about 14 because my Mum said to me young girls shouldn't wear black. You know how teenagers are. What choice did she leave me? She had me backed in a corner. She forced me into it. [more...] | ||
| 13 Jun 04 | Following Mortica & degrees of submission/dominance | (13 Jun 04, 5:42 PM by alexandraa) |
| Interesting post Morticia. I think it all depends on what your self perception is and I suspect an awful lot of folk would say they fall into the cerebral pot. Whereas others may see them from the outside and think nahhhhh. My thoughts, as those that follow my writings will know, have been somewhat confused for the last couple of months. My last relationship, in my opinion, was intense, fulfilling, very positive and tremendously cerebral. My views now are - why label? [more...] | ||
| 12 Jun 04 | Following Martin - Funny story about sex and kids | (12 Jun 04, 3:31 PM by alexandraa) |
| Martin reminded me of when I lived with my last vanilla partner (sick I know but stay with me here dont run off screaming). Well he had 2 boys and at the time they were around 7 and 9. We'd been on holiday to Scotland with them and they'd got themselves into a spin over William Wallace then pestered and pestered to see Braveheart the film. [more...] | ||
| 7 Jun 04 | Love and Status | (7 Jun 04, 12:52 PM by alexandraa) |
| I've been reading my book on Status Anxiety and found something veryyyyyyyyyy interesting in it. It was about love. The root of what we are searching for apparently, but not in the way you might think. Once we have secured the basics in life - food and shelter, the book suggests our predominant impulse to succeed does not so much lie with attaining possessions or power but lies in the amount of love we stand to receive as a consequence of high status. Money, material possessions, fame, power are all ways to access this love, they give us status. My understanding is the author means [more...] | ||
| 4 Jun 04 | A hard week & evil twin's cleavage | (6 Jun 04, 6:46 PM by alexandraa) |
| An odd day today. I've felt kind of dislocated, not quite there, away with the fairies. Is that stress? Been a chuff of a week I have to say that. Firstly the bloody dismissal thing, my shoulders are still stiff and aching from the tension that day. Then foolishly against my better judgement I applied for promotion, knowing full well I was more than capable but also knowing full well office politics were in effect and I didn't have a chance. Gave a blinder of an interview yesterday and actually got my hopes up just to be dashed today when they tell me I haven't been in london long [more...] | ||
| 3 Jun 04 | Medieval Torture - Pagandiver & weak subs rant | (3 Jun 04, 8:51 PM by alexandraa) |
| Bugger me rigid Pagandiver, just give us all the details and none of the address why dont you? I'm on "cheap flights 4 U" now ready to press "book it" just give me the address and I'm there. I neeeeeddddd, purely from the perspective of scientific interest and experimentation of course, to examine this far more closely. Far FAR more closely. My god I'm such a, ermmmmm, sweet and innocent virginal type. A Sweet Lovely Untouched Treasure in fact. Ohhh work it out for yourselves. [more...] | ||
| 31 May 04 | Up North and more on wobbles, shibari and spades | (31 May 04, 9:26 PM by alexandraa) |
| Spent the weekend up North, visiting family then decended on evil twin for 6 packed solid hours of yak yak yak. Poor J. It went past in a flash, felt like 6 minutes. Well to us evil twins it did anyway hehee. Was fab to see her again... hey well come on i've only seen her 3 times this month and spoken to her ohhh for hours and hours and hours. Oh and then there's IM and emails. Sooooo we had a lot of catching up to do...... What do we talk about so much?? Not a chuffing clue but its good for the soul and we laugh a lot. What with that and a right good laugh with the evil man known [more...] | ||
| 28 May 04 | A brief thought too | (28 May 04, 4:37 PM by alexandraa) |
| Angelina Jolie would break if you hit her with a cane. That's all bollocks you know all that fighting and jumping about and stuff. She's not got a good centre of gravity, one whack and she'd fall flat on her face, burst her basoomers and start crying, you can tell. Its trueeeeeee...... It is, it is. Anyhow any one that seeks a goddess of a woman like that is surely a god of a man then too??? Hmmm?? Ahh its all codswallop. [more...] | ||
| 25 May 04 | Rats and fantasies | (25 May 04, 4:44 PM by alexandraa) |
| An odd combination I know but there is a connection in there somewhere and not what you might think at all. I was having my usual walk to work from the tube station along the Thames embankment, so lucky lucky lucky, it has to be one of the best city walks you can do. The sun was shining, the weather warm, Tower Bridge looking stunning as ever, the Thames shimmering and urmmm rats. Yes rats. You see what happened was as I was walking along I could hear the alarms going meaning the bridge was about to open so I slipped to a dawdle and took a longer route going around the back of a grassy [more...] | ||
| 23 May 04 | Inappropriate laughter? | (23 May 04, 9:44 PM by alexandraa) |
| Went to the Tate Modern today with a friend. I have to say I didn't see anything there as good as my MASTERPIECE (scroll back to my log of 17th April I did a painting for my wall) but there were one or 2 things that were Ok. Nice pic of some waterlilies by some bloke that sounded vaguely familiar, i liked his choice of colours. Well done mate. Some odd things by a chap called Picasso, bit urmmm like a jigsaw that hasn't been put together properly but some folk seemed to like it. Oh a bloody massive scary bronze spider that I actually liked in a sort of perverse fearful way. Should [more...] | ||
| 28 Apr 04 | Up North | (28 Apr 04, 7:59 PM by alexandraa) |
| Off up north for a few days to the land of the free.... hurrah. London is great but ffs just how busy is it? Right at this moment i want peace, space, wide open space in fact, and have the exact spot in mind, top of the North Yorkshire Moors on the bit above the road that turns into the Rosedale Chimney for those of you that know that area. For those of you that dont its Moor tops, more Moor tops, big big wide open space with nothing else in sight and few people that go there. The Rosedale Chimney is a fuck of a road that drops down into the village of Rosedale (what a coincidence) [more...] | ||
