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| alexandraa |
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| 28 Dec 04 | Dominance & submission | (28 Dec 04, 5:40 PM by alexandraa) |
| It's a bit chicken and egg isn't it? A fine line in a lot of ways. Who is pleasing whom? It's all too complicated to think about sometimes which is why it's cool to be sub. KIDDING!! As if I'd ever stop thinking and as if I'd ever stop prodding and testing boundaries. I like to be sure I know that the dominance is there. That's neither bratting nor pushing in a nasty way. I simply expect my dominant to care about me and be interested in my life. If something as basic as that isn't there then where is your relationship? What are you submitting to? [more...] | ||
| 27 Dec 04 | Tormenting animals.... xmas was too much fun.... | (27 Dec 04, 10:13 PM by alexandraa) |
| Went north in search of Santa. I left London Friday lunchtime, accompanied by Peter Kaye, ensuring a full dose of northern accent & sarcasm was re-imposed, before landing in the vicinity of Blackpool where I was stuffed like the proverbial calf for two days. Just landed back home now for a couple of days then off to the land of goldmines and cowboys for 10 days hurrah. Was bought an indecently large amount of disgustingly decadent Jo Malone smellies by the ever deliciously evil Colbeh, will be fabulous using those and smelling them all day being reminded of him and delightful things. [more...] | ||
| 23 Dec 04 | Cane | (23 Dec 04, 10:09 PM by alexandraa) |
| Small word. What springs to mind? Sugar? Furniture? Climbing plants and sweet peas? Vivid welts across a pale backside? I can't say in my younger years, when S&M was just a day dream fantasy, that canes were an object of my desire. I had never seen them as erotic, nor as a sex weapon, nor as part of sexual S&M play. Something used in Victorian boys schools for enforcing discipline and that's about that. I'm not sure to be honest that I really ever thought through how someone was going to give me pain, just that I knew I had an erotic connection to it and wanted it. [more...] | ||
| 21 Dec 04 | Censorship, Control & Sex | (21 Dec 04, 10:24 PM by alexandraa) |
| Seems to me censorship is a dying beast. What is there left to control when you can get access to anything you care to name via the internet? Censorship is about many things, controlling our viewing, beliefs, knowledge, ideas etc etc, in the belief that someone knows better than us what is good for us. Sound familiar? Ah yes we actively seek control and censorship don't we? Different when its non consensual and different when its imposed from a distance. I think where control & censorship go wrong is when fear takes a front seat. And fear so often seems directed at sex. [more...] | ||
| 18 Dec 04 | Happiness = Realistic Expectations | (18 Dec 04, 10:48 PM by alexandraa) |
| Well I hate to break the mood in here today but I'm marvellously happy. Disgustingly full of cheer. Off to see a mate I haven't seen in months because she's been in a dependency hostel, sorting herself out and now she's gradually emerging as the delightfully fun person she always was when she was sober. Can't wait to have a laugh with her. I also look back over the last year. Its been a tough and testing one for me and many people I know. I know I have grown more into my confidence and strengths. I've also found more delight than ever in all things BDSM. [more...] | ||
| 17 Dec 04 | Emails & Domme moments | (17 Dec 04, 3:55 PM by alexandraa) |
| Emails. Good, bad, insulting, indifferent. I've had them all. I've blogged on this chestnut before too. But wanted to share one with you. It's cut and paste down below, so to speak. I've really had so many that leave me alternatively laughing and stunned at the things men will say. Their sincere misconceptions about what D/s means. Their complete and utter lack of normality. Yes NORMALITY. [more...] | ||
| 16 Dec 04 | Flying Fur | (16 Dec 04, 3:17 PM by alexandraa) |
| My god the wonders of modern technology. I have remote access to my work emails and calendar now. Can you tell I'm working from home?? How marvellous is that. So of course I've logged in (very quickly) to IC and lordy lord nearly choked on the flying fur. Well had to stick my oar in too didn't I? I checked with Colbeh about the “do not engage” rule but he didn't specifically say it applied in this case, so here I go with my 10p worth. It's the ratio that bothers me most I think. You know the - however many animals it takes to make one coat thing. [more...] | ||
| 15 Dec 04 | Sex and Pain | (15 Dec 04, 11:02 PM by alexandraa) |
| I often think about sex. You're shocked aren't you? I don't consider myself experienced…. (coughs) no, no truly I do believe there are always unexplored depths, things you haven't thought of, or tried… I'm sure….. Oh come on I have at least another 30, possibly 40 (hehehe) years* of active sexual life, give me hope…. I like adventure, there is much I have to discover… Well with my tiny handful of past sexual experiences (looks to see if she got away with that) I do often think about Ds and wonder why I have had such fucking fabulous marvellous sex within a Ds relationship, that truly [more...] | ||
| 14 Dec 04 | Watersports & couple of links | (14 Dec 04, 5:40 PM by alexandraa) |
| Steady those trouser snakes, it's not what you think… I'm a little bit naïve on occasion, a little bit innocent, a bit too face value… yes really truly. (Can hear Colbeh and evil twin guffawing). No, no its true. Sometimes I'm just purer than the driven snow. ITS TRUE!! Once upon a time a wee innocent virginal woman left her ex husband and went a tad wild. There came a particular Saturday night when a man asked her was she into water sports…. Not really she says, although I like swimming………. [more...] | ||
| 12 Dec 04 | Why I ate sausage in Paris alone | (12 Dec 04, 2:26 PM by alexandraa) |
| Had a good night last night despite inability to chew and inability to comprehend the play. Do me a favour go and see Buried Child at the National and tell me what the ending means. I enjoyed it but was taken by surprise when it ended. I was waiting for everything to be explained to me. Give me a good old Agatha Christie any day where you get it all summarised and explained carefully at the end. Or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - you know where you are with Chitty. I hate having to draw my own conclusions. I think I know the answer but neither me nor my Domly friend were sure and neither [more...] | ||
| 10 Dec 04 | Worst Ever Oral Experiences....... EDIT | (11 Dec 04, 10:35 AM by alexandraa) |
| Well I couldn't resist following this thread. And before any of you start nodding wisely I am not the "A" that Bluemax refers to. I'm very firmly having fun and games with the Evil One known as Colbeh. I read Blue's blog and my memories of bad oral experiences crammed themselves into me demanding to be let out - me me me me……… Dentists of course feature highly having just been back today and found my bill suddenly escalated from £300 to £650 because I needed root canals doing. Sigh. Pain right where it hurts me most - my bank account. Bastards. [more...] | ||
| 9 Dec 04 | Blondes have far far more fun… as do blues…. | (9 Dec 04, 5:52 PM by alexandraa) |
| Not to be out done by evil twin…. I must stand up and be counted on behalf of all things blonde and occasionally blue. Since I went BLONDE I've had way more fun. I used to be naturally honey blonde, sweet cosy mumsy toffee coloured hair with I'm afraid lots of grey (silver white) in it from the age of about 23. Used to dye my hair darker, for some reason, to cover up the silver white then left the ex husband and went BLONDE. Oh boy did I ever have fun, too much fun really. Surprised it didn't turn my hair white. [more...] | ||
| 8 Dec 04 | Stress and Caning | (8 Dec 04, 8:47 PM by alexandraa) |
| Been a tough old several weeks come months at work now. Still I knew it was going to be that way and set myself up for it. Today has been a completely utterly shitty day. I have a manager that takes all the praise for my work and then points the finger when she fucks up. Not unusual I know. I seem to have had a plethora of managers like that in my time. She clearly needs to be on a “to die” list. Don't worry though both Colbeh and evil twin have her up there in their top 10s. [more...] | ||
| 7 Dec 04 | Inspiration & Intelligence in D/s | (7 Dec 04, 8:37 PM by alexandraa) |
| Stimulation of the mind, arousal of emotions, prompting of actions or inventions, movement of the intellect, influence or guidance exerted directly on the mind and soul. Oh and the mundane act of inhaling without which of course we would all die. So you see how essential inspiration is in our lives? I contemplate quite often why I am so happy. In fact today I bit the bullet and looked back to the beginning of my weblogs, dipped in here and there over my record of past 10 months. Reminded myself of things that had happened and got nudged on deeper thoughts and feelings I haven't blogged [more...] | ||
| 6 Dec 04 | The devil's own sadists | (6 Dec 04, 5:52 PM by alexandraa) |
| Today I spent just over an hour on my back, tense, fearful and in pain, mouth open, position held and no Colbeh. Sob. What no Colbeh? Nope. Just a manically grinning dentist. Can you tell me why anyone in the world would choose to be a dentist? Why would you enjoy a job that involves drilling into people's teeth all day? Could be, if you look at it from the other perspective, that they are the devil's own masochists - hating and dreading every moment of it. Not a job I'd choose that's for sure, it must be hellishly boring anyway. Grunting slobbering wrecks under you trying to [more...] | ||
| 5 Dec 04 | Fog | (5 Dec 04, 10:22 AM by alexandraa) |
| I miss it. No really, they don't seem to have fog down south just wispy bits of mist occasionally. What's that about? Is it because I live in the metropolis known as London and there is fog outside the M25 it just doesn't get a look in within the area? Like some sort of urban force field? Leeds got foggy though and Sheffield, I guess they are hardly as built up as London, but even so there's a bloody big river (in case you hadn't noticed) goes through the middle of London you'd think the fog would creep in on that wouldn't you? It doesn't. This is my second winter here and nope, [more...] | ||
| 2 Dec 04 | Temper and arguments | (2 Dec 04, 9:11 PM by alexandraa) |
| Its an odd thing. I can be quite fiery and flare up, slash and flame at the drop of an email when I get ridiculous insulting correspondence from domlets. I've had some very temper woven relationships where our screams have all but shaken the walls. However I learnt to fear temper and to loath shouting. Face slapping sits right in there with that. There came a time where all I simply needed was quiet control. Isn't the lowered voice far more controlling than the raised one? Doesn't the cold reprimand cut far deeper than the screamed insult? [more...] | ||
| 29 Nov 04 | Bratting & Respect | (29 Nov 04, 8:52 PM by alexandraa) |
| There's one form of bratting and associated Domly behaviour that drives me insane. I'm not sure which comes first, it's a bit chicken and egg. It's the purposefully acting up to receive attention and the associated reward of a punishment scene. Or reverse that and it's the Dom seeking behaviour he can then use as an excuse to punish. The creation of excuses to play is what it comes down to I suppose. Why feel the need for excuses? Just play if it feels good. [more...] | ||
| 27 Nov 04 | Bah Humbug ...... its that time of year again | (27 Nov 04, 11:49 PM by alexandraa) |
| I received my first Christmas card yesterday. Sigh. Really, come on, what's all the fuss about? At some point in my life I turned a corner on Christmas. I wouldn't say I hated it, just that I don't care about it. [more...] | ||
| 24 Nov 04 | Strategy Bollocks and Potatoes | (24 Nov 04, 8:14 PM by alexandraa) |
| Another day another hotel room…. A yummy and completely wasted double ended (taps in the middle) bath this time… sigh fuck me what a waste is that? Still, managed a sprawled across the bed giggle with the Evil One while we had a gentile discussion of double ended baths. This time I was in the far far frozen north for a couple of days to a conference on strategy bollocks. Yes strategy bollocks. We all suffer from it. It's the thinking behind the doing. [more...] | ||
