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IC : Weblogs : alexandraa : "Falling From Grace… or the Journey into Submission"
Falling From Grace… or the Journey into Submission (10)
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Posted by alexandraa on Tue 4 Mar 08, 7:25 PM
His voice? His touch? His presence? His smile? The smell of his maleness? His laugh? His frown? His joy? His sadness? The way he moves his body? His sex drive? His cock? The whole fresh sunniness of him? The electricity between us? His intellect? His work? His knowledge? His wisdom?
What makes it happen? Why do I want to please him? Why do I care so much? Why should I? Who says?
Men? Pah. Why should I care? What are they to me? What do they do but take and wound? Drain me of love, sex and passion until there is nothing left. No energy and no interest. And so I will use them too for sex and pleasure and discard them. What are they to me? Nothing I want to connect with.
And so I play games. Laugh and flirt and move my body and head just so. See them crumble. Fools. See them want sex and attention from me. See my core? Hidden deep within. No of course they don't see it. Not for them to be touching. How dare they try. Smile smile smile. Deliver their desires. Meet their wishes but do not let them touch the core. Yes take that, what you see on the surface and make of it what you will. Know not that you do not touch me, touch my flesh but not my soul, deep within. Smile smile. And smile again. Head tilt and simper. Feed their ego. Here, this façade is what you can have. Nothing more. See how it pleases you even so?
And so it seems they do not actually see beyond that. Nor do they try to. They do not break through that wall, they do not reach me deep within. I have some pleasure and give plenty. For isn't that what they do? Just take? And giving, doesn't that give me power and control? Maybe not.
And so unfulfilled and empty I continue my games and my search. Search? Was I looking? Did I seek? Not sure…
And then one day this man, he said, stop that game, I see there is more beyond that façade, show me. Show me show me show me. SHOW ME. Show me more more MORE. He dug and dug deeper. In he went. Ah he said. This is what I see. This woman, here is what you are. Here look, look at yourself, look at what you are, look at what you want. LOOK. This is why you behave this way, this is how you can change what you are, where you are, who you are. This is what you can become, there is the world waiting for you. Why do you hide? Come out, come out, wherever you are…
And so I stepped forth, from desire, from respect, from interest, from trust, I stepped into his arms opened my mind, heart and body to him. Gave and gave some more. Had my giving returned and fulfilled, the energy spent came back in equal measure. Ah ha. Balance. A giving and a taking. Who'd have thought it could be so?
But yes this is how it can be. Falling and falling and falling…. Letting go of those comfort blankets, walls and protective armour. Beyond my knowledge. Beyond my expectation. Like a virgin, a child, uninitiated and inexperienced. I looked to him for leadership. This world was new to me.
And so he led. Took me far and wide, to places dreamt of, but never expected. A world of joy, pleasure and…. Service…. What? Service? Are you kidding? Me serve a man? Get over yourselves…
And yet…
His voice? His touch? His presence? His smile? The smell of his maleness? His laugh? His frown? His joy? His sadness? The way he moves his body? His sex drive? His cock? The whole fresh sunniness of him? The electricity between us? His intellect? His work? His knowledge? His wisdom?
Oh how I love to please him, to serve, to delight, to give him joy and laughter.
Falling from grace? Falling so far I banged straight through the bottom and came right out the other side. (Into a meadow of lust).
Ah bliss. Edited Tue 4 Mar 08, 7:35 PM by alexandraa
Replies
4 Mar 08, 8:27 PM
kate_uk
UK, 3 yrs 
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How beautiful ...
You lucky woman 
kate x |
4 Mar 08, 8:36 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
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kate_uk wrote:
How beautiful ...
You lucky woman
kate x
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Awww thank you xx Be careful what you wish for
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4 Mar 08, 9:37 PM
Scribbles
UK(RH), 14 mths
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Wonderful. I love the short questions, the way it skims along, and the way the mood changes. Just great. |
4 Mar 08, 9:46 PM
Traumata
UK, 2 yrs
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What a truly stunning blog.
xxx "When you're going through hell, keep going."
- Winston Churchill.
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4 Mar 08, 10:10 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
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Ah ladies you make me blush, thank you, glad you enjoyed it.
xxx Be careful what you wish for
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5 Mar 08, 12:02 AM
verte
UK(E), 4 yrs
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alexandraa wrote:
And so I play games. Laugh and flirt and move my body and head just so. See them crumble. Fools. See them want sex and attention from me. See my core? Hidden deep within. No of course they don't see it. Not for them to be touching. How dare they try. Smile smile smile. Deliver their desires. Meet their wishes but do not let them touch the core. Yes take that, what you see on the surface and make of it what you will. Know not that you do not touch me, touch my flesh but not my soul, deep within. Smile smile. And smile again. Head tilt and simper. Feed their ego. Here, this façade is what you can have. Nothing more. See how it pleases you even so? |
Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES. I have done this too, so many times. Still do, in a way.
Wonderful, wonderful blog.
xxx http://sm-feminist.blogspot.com/
http://bppa.blogspot.com
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5 Mar 08, 9:08 AM
The_Inner_Whore
UK(E), 3 yrs
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Bloody Anaïs Nin, eat your heart out! Bravo!  Cultivate your inner whore
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5 Mar 08, 10:09 AM
MarcusStrapp
UK(CB), 3 yrs
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Loved this piece.
Falling from grace? Falling into a state of grace!
Trusting someone enough so we can let go and drop the façade,. Being accepted for who and what we are.
Lovely. Conventional wisdom is often more about convention than wisdom.
-- Marcus Strapp
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6 Mar 08, 8:10 AM
colbeh
UK, 4 yrs
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Wonderful blog..........and that meadow of lust reference.....always handy for those dampish moments. |
6 Mar 08, 6:42 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
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colbeh wrote:
Wonderful blog..........and that meadow of lust reference.....always handy for those dampish moments.
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Thank You... and snigger...
xxx
Be careful what you wish for
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