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IC : Weblogs : alexandraa : "Is Power Exchange Really So Far From Vanilla?"
Is Power Exchange Really So Far From Vanilla? (7)
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Posted by alexandraa on Sun 25 Nov 07, 1:39 PM
I seem to be struggling to express myself at the moment.
I think one thing is after that initial rush into all things regarding power exchange and sado masochism you get a kind of ……. boredom? in talking about it. Not boredom but several years down the line you've heard it all discussed before, heard all the arguments, the views, feelings, thoughts and expectations. However a couple of people have written or said things to me recently that have been ticking along in my head and I don't feel Live Journal is the forum to express my thoughts on this occasion. So here I am. A brief fly by.
One thing that has always been central to my life is my dislike of people inventing unnecessary rules. Flavoured very much by my up bringing as a convent school girl in the roman catholic faith. (Oooo eeerrrr Mrs). How many unnecessary rules? Oh books full of them, that had to be learnt off by heart. You have to wonder why I work in the public sector, the same applies… this way is the only way because….. ermmmm… well we've always done it like this. (Rolls eyes again). I can't bear it.
So you'd think…. that surely power exchange and sado masochism are about creating rules? And I enjoy that? Don't I? So isn't that contradictory?
I enjoy being within a power exchange relationship where sado masochism forms a part of the eroticism of that relationship. I enjoy knowing what's expected of me, I enjoy knowing how to please the dominant in my life, I enjoy predicting and anticipating my dominant's needs, thereby pleasing him and making his life simpler. I enjoy doing things to make him proud of me and pleased with me (so no, bratting has no role to play here).
I enjoy sado masochism as part and parcel of my sexuality and the eroticism generated by the power exchange itself. That feeling of someone taking control, making you feel safe and then roughly and violently having full on aggressive sex with you, so you feel possessed and sated. Knowing you would do anything for them and knowing they could do anything to you. It just all goes together for me, like black cherries, rich chocolate cake and whipped (!!!) cream. A delicious and deeply tasty mix. Happy sigh. Or a chicken korma maybe….
So to me that's one thing entirely, it fits with what I like and how I want to be. It also explains, I think, why such things as school room role play, misbehaviour to receive specific “punishments”, setting of unnecessary rules and regulations within a sexual relationship turns me cold. I can understand why people take that route and feel comfortable within that environment. But no, not for me. It's too regulated and cold. It doesn't feel natural to me.
Someone Colbeh and I have fun and games with, asked me recently about something she wanted to do for him. Was it OK, what would he think, should she do this, that or the other…. We discussed it and agreed a course of action (double checking with him of course). Then she said…. why did she feel this huge desire to please him? Well it's obvious to me…. But anyway….
The point is that submission comes naturally when the fit is right. It's not forced by rules, although a framework can make the dynamic clear, that feeling of deep respect and desire to please will manifest without rules and regulations. While I might be a submissive and a masochist I only give respect where it's due, it can't be forced or inflicted.
On the one hand achieving a power exchange dynamic can seem complicated then on the other it's the simplest of things. It also all comes right back to the relationship between people.
Think why do you respect and admire anyone? What is it that inspires that in you? Why do you want to please them? Win their admiration and respect? You then wont be far from what you seek in a dominant, or indeed just any happy well balanced relationship.
Is power exchange really so far from vanilla?
Edited Sun 25 Nov 07, 1:47 PM by alexandraa
Replies
25 Nov 07, 2:04 PM
Masters_No1_slut
2 yrs  |
Struggling to express yourself?!! Good god girl, this is the 2nd time today you've managed to put into words all that I feel... thank you once again.
However, I would've added the "lock and key" element to black cherries and rich choccy cake with whipped cream.  Take me to the edge and then some.
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25 Nov 07, 2:35 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
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buttockup wrote:
Struggling to express yourself?!! Good god girl, this is the 2nd time today you've managed to put into words all that I feel... thank you once again.
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Why thank YOU!
buttockup wrote:
However, I would've added the "lock and key" element to black cherries and rich choccy cake with whipped cream.
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Tell me about it!!!
Be careful what you wish for
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25 Nov 07, 3:10 PM
Mistress_Hypatia
UK, 2 yrs
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I think you're right. 'Power exchange' is just a term for someone taking leadership in a relationship. That's happened throughout history. There's the old paternalistic family structure, where the wife does as she's told, and the converse "Easy to see who wears the trousers in that relationship... nudge nudge wink wink."
These are what we would call power exchange relationships, but the partcipants might be shocked to find their relationships characterised in such a way.
I'm very much the dominant half of my husband's and my relationship, and that was evident right from the beginning - even before the first proper date, even though he outranked me (army romance, strictly forbidden...). We'd never considered kink, though - that's just the way we operate.
We don't have rules and regulations; they just aren't necessary. Our dynamic doesn't need artificial structure to make it work. I'm dominant. He's submissive. That's the way it works. We did actually try having a few rules, but the general busyness of life got in the way, and I guess it felt slightly false anyway. We're happy the way we are. |
25 Nov 07, 3:41 PM
Strangelove
3 yrs |
buttockup wrote:
However, I would've added the "lock and key" element to black cherries and rich choccy cake with whipped cream.
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Buttockup's mention of "lock and key" is a reference to my theory that some cocks and cunts work wonderfully together and others don't. I chose the term lock and key because, when it does work, it opens up a whole new dimension in penetrative sex. You can be stationary in the right part of the cunt, enjoy intense pleasure to your cock and provide your lady with an orgasm. You can both enjoy the same results with slow and gentle movement near the entrance to the cunt, or you can penetrate as far as possible and then make tiny movements.
There are numerous other ways too but its rarely anything like the kind of fucking you see in porno films. This is a problem for our kids who, if it wasn't for the interference from religious organisations, might enjoy a much more open and complete sex education.
Edited 25 Nov 07, 3:56 PM by Strangelove
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25 Nov 07, 3:48 PM
Masters_No1_slut
2 yrs |
Strangelove wrote:
Buttockup's mention of "lock and key" is a reference to my theory that some cocks and cunts work wonderfully together and others don't. I chose the term lock and key because, when it does work, it opens up a whole new dimension in penetrative sex. You can be stationary in the right part of the cunt, enjoy intense pleasure to your cock and provide your lady with an orgasm. You can both enjoy the same results with slow and gentle movement near the entrance to the cunt, or you can penetrate as far as possible and then make tiny movements.
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And he wonders why I have so much trouble when he's teaching me orgasm control !!
Take me to the edge and then some.
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25 Nov 07, 4:42 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
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Strangelove wrote:
Buttockup's mention of "lock and key" is a reference to my theory that some cocks and cunts work wonderfully together and others don't.
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Absolutely, no question about it. I have researched the matter deeply..... in the interests of science... Of course it's the mental connection that counts so much too in power exchange and makes that cock and cunt fit even better... Yum yum!
Be careful what you wish for
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25 Nov 07, 4:51 PM
caprycorn
UK, 4 yrs
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If the elements are there, of course it's not far from vanilla. There doesn't have to be the kink to be D/s, we all know that. And a dominant man is a dominant man, delicious beast that he is, be he kinky or not.
It's the recognition of it, the exploration of it, the understanding of it that doesn't necessarily occur in vanilla. I've always known that I could do without the S/m but never without the D/s. Would that make me vanilla? Maybe but I'd still be smiling.
Blog more often. That's an order!
My imaginary friend thinks that you have a problem
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