Submissive, Sexuality, Fluffy Bunnies & Wolves (14)

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alexandraa
Posted by alexandraa on Sun 11 Feb 07, 12:36 PM

The word submissive means so many things to so many different people. I think over the years the main assumptions I've encountered about the word are pretty negative actually, in and out of the scene. Personally I'm happy with my nature and understand my needs. I don't see a conflict between my can do confidence and independence, and my submissive nature. Or do I? After all, why am I writing this?

Do you feel a submissive should be some kind of feeble, perhaps broken, creature with no will of their own? A timid little angel fairy fluffy bunny kitten? Weak, in need of a strong arm? And do you feel a dominant is a strong confident creature, with leadership abilities. A lion among sows, all knowing and wise, hear me ROAR?

Nah not in my book. It's really not that simple. Characteristics do cross over and ultimately it's about the dynamic between two people (or more). I think I actually know more strong minded confident submissives than dominants of that type. I've also little patience with the submissives who pretend they are oh so feeble and in deep need of the big bad wolf to give them guidance and control. I think it annoys me because I have an issue with anyone who wont take responsibility for themselves, their own behaviour and the consequences of their behaviour. Dom, sub, vanilla or whatever their particular bag is.

So how does that fit in with a desire to cede control to someone? It's tricky isn't it? How do you balance taking responsibility for yourself with passing control to your dominant?

The only way I can make sense of it in my head is taking the wolf theme forward. By seeing myself as an alpha female, submissive to my alpha male and dominant to the pack in general. That's not to say I feel dominant to any of you lot. Well not much…. Just don't step out of line ok? Growl.

I think it's about having a sense of responsibility within the world for yourself and your own actions, yet looking to your significant other for confirmation of your decisions, support and guidance. And indeed, vice versa, but both knowing the final decisions are for the top wolf.

It is a real mind juggle sometimes, particularly when you are trying to explain it to someone else who either has set patterns for what submissive and dominant mean, or has little understanding of power exchange and all things BDSM. How do you explain that you have a dominant personality but are actually fulfilled by being submissive to your significant other?

I've another axe to grind around sexuality as it happens. It's related. I'm not on a ramble here. There also seems to me to be this assumption that sexually, submissive means you are a little baby flower fairy virgin. A trembling creature, with a tear quivering at the end of your long thick eye lash, making your big baby blues well up and shine with awe at the strength of your domly wolfy one.

And to be quite frank, yes I have been with domly wolves who have indeed made me feel like a young and foolish colt verging on the virgin. What me? Yes. No really, I have been made to feel that way, under the right kind of control and power exchange. But in truth I'm a highly charged sexual beast of Bodmin who is as likely to tear your head off if you get it wrong, as submit to you. I'm sexually experienced, highly charged with a love of SM because it really brings in that screaming raging passion and sweeps me away. I love the violence, the charge, the fierce aggression. The red heat of pain pleasure and fast furious control. It's a sexual intensity that bears no comparison to your average sex. And is poles away from fluffy bunnies. Although I love a good tremble.

It's a dodgy thing again isn't it? You can see why a big bad domly wolf one would seek out an angel fairy fluffy bunny kitten. It adds to the whole feeling of ohhh look at me, the big and mighty one, hear me roar! See my tiny angel tremble at my feet.

But then I don't want a sexual partner who seeks that. Who seeks to feel dominant because they have some feeble creature blubbing and whining for attention. I want a sexual partner who seeks to control my raging passion and use it for their pleasure, to provide guidance with pride to the independent self sufficient woman. To add to the whole person that I am, not fill in the gaps and provide me with props.

If there are any big brave wolves out there who aren't scared by a confident sexually voracious masochistic submissive, do be sure to drop me a line.

Growl.

You see I write stuff like that and think, fuck me I so need to tone that down, but then what's the point? Because the relationship wouldn't last 5 minutes anyway. Would it?

***

On another front -

Why is it you get an itch in the middle of your back just when you've painted your nails? And, why is it most other countries don't have proper bacon when it's clearly one of the most delicious food sources in the world?

Edited Sun 11 Feb 07, 10:41 PM by alexandraa

Replies

11 Feb 07, 1:14 PM
lucky_1
UK, 3 yrs
Ladies and Gentlemen please so not adjust your set, normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.
Bloody fantastic blog.
We were playing a while back and while on my hands and knees I shot J a look through sweat soaked hair that simply said "If you don't fuck me right now I'm going to kill you, slowly!" and he laughed. "That is what I wanted"
While I can quite happily indulge in some age play, it stops outside of play. I'm not fluffy in the way I conduct myself outside play. I find it infuriating. Fluffy bunny kittens and broken birds looking for someone to put their lives right. Sort it yourself!
grrrrr. sorry I forgot my place, meow
The more that pleasure turns into pain, the more inclined I am to stand and take it. Texas 2005

11 Feb 07, 1:25 PM
tantradevi
UK, 2 yrs I'll pass on the bacon, and I don't paint my nails but as for the rest I say
"here here I agree to that"
as it describes me and how I feel about my D/S relationship
TantraDevi
To thine own self be true

11 Feb 07, 1:42 PM
fen_fatale
UK(CB), 4 yrs
Tis something i have always said myself, if you can't control yourself, how can you ever engage in a power exchange! if you have no self-control you can't hand over control - how can you give someone something you don't have!
It has always been irksome to me when subs use their submission as an excuse for weakness, they are full of problems that they have to rely on a Dom to sort out, they become completely reliant and lose the ability to self-function. If i had to turn to a Dom every time i had any problem because i couldn't or didn't know how to solve it myself then i am sure they would have no respect for me, and i would have no respect for myself either!
There is nothing wrong with being strong, capable and independent as a sub, it means more to a genuine and secure Dom when you surrender to them; because you want to rather than you need to, you have done it with full consciousness and a desire to submit, rather than having to submit because you are too weak to do otherwise.
I know my place

11 Feb 07, 2:55 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs
And likewise surely you can only safely submit to someone who is in control of their own behaviour, particularly if SM is involved.
It's all a very complex equation that has to be worked out between two people or however many are in your particular team.
The key contradiction I feel is around that very desire to submit completely to somone else's total control yet maintain a healthy balance and responsibility for yourself.
I'm not sure there is an answer within the real world for that one. There is immense responsibility within a true TPE relationship, too much perhaps.
Do we seek the impossible? Do we seek something that is mentally unhealthy? Perhaps this is why so many keep things to role play and online fantasy.
Bacon sandwiches are the answer.

Be careful what you wish for

11 Feb 07, 3:41 PM
caprycorn
UK, 4 yrs

alexandraa wrote:
Bacon sandwiches are the answer.

What, you want to be controlled by a bacon sandwich? Or even worse, have a bacon sandwich cowering at your feet in a truly broken bird fashion?
You sick bitch!
Oh go on then but only if I can have brown sauce with that.

My imaginary friend thinks that you have a problem

11 Feb 07, 3:48 PM
maihri
UK, 5 yrs
I am fluffy when I wear my cashmere sweater, mmm, so soft, stroke me, stroke me, NOW! Oops, ahem. Flutters eyelashes in apology.
We all have aspects of cuteness and fluffiness in our natures (yay, even the blokies have their feminine side) however anyone seeing me the other night would have been hard put to see it- mad, voracious woman begging 'more, more!'
Maihri
"Without the darkness, how could we recognise the light?"

11 Feb 07, 6:34 PM
DomRoss
UK(EH), 3 yrs
Such a well written blog... I have in my time been Dom to in 'normal' life very dominant women... a police officer.. a kitchen manager and a bouncer?... none of which are in the least submissive by definition... I'm sure you'll agree, by the same token i have had my share of fluffy kittens etc but the dynamic just wasn't there.
For me a confident women CHOOSING to submit is far more fun than the lost little girl in need of guidance.. yuck
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. - Herm Albright

11 Feb 07, 10:08 PM
sabrina
UK, 7 yrs

alexandraa wrote:
If there are any big brave wolves out there who aren't scared by a confident sexually voracious mosochistic submissive, do be sure to drop me a line.
Growl.
You see I write stuff like that and think, fuck me I so need to tone that down, but then what's the point? Because the relationship wouldn't last 5 minutes anyway. Would it?
alexandraa - when you are inundated with replies from Dominant types saying "Me, me, me I can do that"
Please pass them around *grin*
peace and light sabi x

11 Feb 07, 10:40 PM
alexandraa
UK(NW), 5 yrs

sabrina wrote:
If there are any big brave wolves out there....
alexandraa - when you are inundated with replies from Dominant types saying "Me, me, me I can do that"
Please pass them around *grin*

None as yet. I can only assume they can't type with those claws of theirs.
I'll share them out though when they do finally memo me... I mean they are bound to surely?????...........

Be careful what you wish for

12 Feb 07, 9:13 AM
Elven_Eyes
UK, 24 mths
had the thought that one who can make a sheep submit is merely a shepherd. One who can make a lion submit is a liontamer. Most doms want to be thought of as lion tamers when all they do is tend sheep. It speaks to the doms quality that a fierce, strong, proud, independent creature would submit to him. Thats a real dom, who has a pet lion.
THought that was a fitting metaphor and ran with it.
"The chaperon is there to make sure no one else has any fun, but nobody chaperons the chaperon. That's why I'm so right for this job." -Jane Russell as Dorothy Shaw, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"

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