Khrysalis's blog on Informed Consent http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/weblogs/Khrysalis/ The IC RSS Gadget webmaster@informedconsent.co.uk 360 Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:32:11 GMT Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:32:11 GMT Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:32:11 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/248976/ Well, I'm still here. I've had some (a lot) of sleep and am trying to get the strength together to get out of bed. My crisis team have been to visit me and have informed me that they received an anonymous call from an IC member yesterday, warning that I was in danger. That is why the police arrived. I am very touched and grateful to that person. Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:05:33 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/248870/ I have reached the end. There is nothing more I can think of that will help me through this darkness. Things have got to the point now where it truly would be better if I were not part of the picture. You would think I would be hysterically weeping or in a wobbling mess, but I am very calm and clear headed about it. This is what is scaring me inside. I have written (almost without thinking about it) a to do list; Write letter to each of my daughters Write letter to T Write final note Buy ice cream and vodka Choose outfit Make sure girls are away with their grandparents for weekend Fri, 04 Sep 2009 13:51:14 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/247862/ Today I am on new medication. I have to be completely honest here and say that I am a little bit scared by how I am feeling right now. My mouth is numb, my face is all fizzy and tingly and I have weird butterflies in my chest. The fizziness extends down to the tips of my fingers and I feel very odd. my thoughts are jumbled around and I can't think straight about anything. The phone just rang and I couldn't move to pick it up. I think I might fall down if I try to walk. If this was Saturday night in a club, I might think woohoo! but it's Friday lunch time and I'm thinking errr.....what the fuck!? :s Wed, 02 Sep 2009 20:59:05 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/247711/ Well I ventured out of the house today, on my own! Well I had a support worker on the phone talking to me while I did it so not sure it counts as really alone. Tue, 01 Sep 2009 09:00:54 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/247565/ I am experiencing a lot of confusion. For the last 3 years I have been confidently identifying as Lesbian and have only been attracted to women. The exception to this has been Master. I adore him and he is utterly gorgeous. But recently I have been diubting myself. I have no interest from women when we go out from either males or females. I have not had a relationship with a woman in 18 months nor have I been physical with one. I'm worried that I need validation. Should I NEED to prove to the world that I am gay? Straight people don't NEED to prove that they are straight by being constantly in relationships or screwing around all the time. I suppose my problem is that the only sex I have is with Master and he is profoundly male. Fri, 28 Aug 2009 13:10:25 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/247240/ Good afternoon world. This week I are be mostly sleeping it would seem. Am gutted that I feel so lousy on the first day of Pride too! Am determined to try to get up and enjoy myself. I think it would do me good. Thu, 27 Aug 2009 13:17:31 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/247141/ I have Rapid Cyling Bipolar Affective Disorder. I was diagnosed 2 years ago after struggling for years to cope with violent mood swings and depression. Over the last couple of months it has become more difficult to manage and my condition has deteriorated so much so that I ended up in hospital last night. My local Crisis Team are now involved and are hopefully going to put a care plan in place for me that will help me to manage and get some quality of life back. The adventure I had at the hospital last night (thankfully they let me come home under supervision) made me stop and wonder at myself. The psychiatrist who saw me last night asked me when the last time I felt truly 'normal' was. My reply... Sunday evening for half an hour curled up with my head in His lap. I didn't mention that this was an afterplay cuddle with my Master, who let me up on the couch for a fuss. So is this truly the only time I feel 'normal'? I sure as hell don't feel normal at work or in the general everyday world. I wonder if there are other kinksters out there with Bipolar who feel the same. I know that is Master doesn't play with me for a while my condition seems to get tougher to manage. Well, ramble over for now. I hope the Crisis Team are good! Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:51:12 GMT http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/246280/ a poem for my Master, who I worship more than he can know.