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| Fractal |
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| 22 Jan 04 | Being kept in suspense | (26 Jan 04, 7:08 PM by Fractal) |
| Opening up about my feelings to a potential fem sub partner is opening up myself to feelings best kept under control. Yet in the end it might all still come to nothing. [more...] | ||
| 21 Jan 04 | In response to some stupidity | (29 Jan 04, 9:31 AM by Fractal) |
| Someone whom I had regarded as a friend bitterly accuses me of doing something the like of which she herself has done but for which I have enough decency to not have done. What I have done is to sometimes try to be there for her, more fool me. [more...] | ||
| 14 Jan 04 | Meanwhile | (16 Jan 04, 4:27 PM by Fractal) |
| Meanwhile there's been more talking with N' about various things. We meet up often enough. Here also things seem to be developing well. He has some interesting ideas and perspectives to share and not only about BDSM. He has agreed to mentor me, this is great. | ||
| 13 Jan 04 | Getting my hopes up again | (16 Jan 04, 4:27 PM by Fractal) |
| Just when I was getting despondent about achieving anything online, again, I have somehow out of the blue, begun exchanging emails with someone who might have those special qualities which I'm hoping to find. Although we've yet to actually meet in real life, this morning she decided to start calling me master. Maybe this time it's really going to happen at last. It's too easy to worry about things and I'm trying not to but rather instead to wait and see what happens. [more...] | ||
| 8 Jan 04 | Something is different | (8 Feb 04, 9:48 AM by Fractal) |
| Things seem much simpler now. [more...] | ||
| 3 Jan 04 | An interesting start to the New Year | (5 Jan 04, 7:56 PM by Fractal) |
| It's been a pleasant few days and still, as usual, nothing has really happened. Besides I worry that when it does the grief seems inevitable. [more...] | ||
| 25 Dec 03 | Sometimes being alone ... | (29 Dec 03, 3:31 PM by Fractal) |
| Sometimes being alone is more noticeable than at other times. My close family don't really comprehend xmas and I've no relationship with the others who might celebrate it. Instead I spent most of the day cycling and met up with some acquaintances for a non xmas meal up town but left them later in the evening by when they were heading to a pub. I'm neither bloated nor stoned, been a few years now since that's happened. | ||
| 21 Dec 03 | Went to a club with some expectations after all. | (25 Dec 03, 10:41 AM by Fractal) |
| Went to a different club last night. Although it started only late, I still arrived too early. Someone surly on the door but inside was a nice and friendly atmosphere. Interesting layout and separate spaces, lots of comfortable. Not so smoky as some other places, which was good. Large dance area but more people were in the smaller dungeon. The heating got turned off early in the morning so then there were some cold draughts about. Seemed to be more of a swingers scene than a serious SM one. Lots of sexy couples openly enjoying each other and some also with their friends. The SM was mostly [more...] | ||
| 20 Dec 03 | Drawing down the moon. | (8 Jan 04, 11:46 AM by Fractal) |
| I got what I asked for but not in the way I wanted. Although we shared the interest, r' was hectic and I didn't want to know. At the time I didn't appreciate just how deep she was into things and then I moved away. Years later, at the LFF, I'd convinced myself that it was her and asked "don't I know you from somewhere" which was replied with a "I don't think so" - no it wasn't her. More recently I was in a busy local restaurant when I noticed that r' was also there. I didn't acknowledge that I'd seen her, nor apparently she me. So she might still be about, I wonder if she's much changed [more...] | ||
| 17 Dec 03 | A pleasant night out meeting up, today not as interesting. | (20 Dec 03, 6:28 PM by Fractal) |
| Last night went out in the evening, met up with some kinked and friendly people. At first, as usual, I didn't say much. Almost left but stayed then got talking. Glad I did. It was a good and interesting night. Will see them again soon. [more...] | ||
| 15 Dec 03 | Moodiness and some progress. | (22 Dec 03, 10:16 AM by Fractal) |
| Well the mood is okay, just. At moments I've felt like I've been on the edge of depression. It's not as bad as it can be but I can't see why it's not and wonder if it will get worse. I'm just trying to keep calm and steady - I know that I'm alright really. Although foolishly, I've done what I felt to be the right thing. There is again a lot I'm trying to resolve with myself - it's not a real serious problem, it just saddens me that this is the way that things have gone. [more...] | ||
| 7 Dec 03 | Only a month since the last LFF | (21 Dec 03, 1:30 PM by Fractal) |
| Put on my boots, had some lunch and left for the LFF. It seems longer than only one month since I've last been, a lot seems to have happened since then but I'm still single and now, lately, getting more involved with various bits of voluntary work. Only got there for the last hour, met and talked with a few people I knew. Bought a nice thin and stingy cane. [more...] | ||
| 3 Dec 03 | Without inspiration again | (5 Dec 03, 7:42 PM by Fractal) |
| Said no again, as tempting as the offer was it was the right thing to do. It is interesting that I was somehow so keen on the idea of bottoming this time. Last night could have been okay but it left me feeling down, came home and talked at random over the phone with a scene friend until she started passing out. Today the mood was a bit down but not that bad really. Just posted a hasty reply to a profile again, it would be so good to do things with someone. As usual have had no reply. | ||
| 30 Nov 03 | More please | (2 Dec 03, 9:47 AM by Fractal) |
| Spanked and caressed a fine ladies bottom at the club last night, she would only take it fairly gentle and not for as long a time as I would've liked, very moreish. Feeling a bit dazed from a late night and little sleep but the mood is still okay which is good. | ||
| 28 Nov 03 | Advice about being careful. | (9 Dec 03, 7:13 PM by Fractal) |
| There are good people in the scene but there are also some people to be wary of, here is some basic advice about safety, whatever your role or experience. [more...] | ||
| 24 Nov 03 | Steady progress but still not there yet | (25 Nov 03, 12:06 PM by Fractal) |
| Feeling horny with no immediate release likely, thought I'd blog instead. Otherwise things seem to be developing nicely, seems like I've got another busy time coming up, socialising and pursuing this muse. Am in a balanced mood, and lately my life seems pleasant enough and uncomplicated (although tomorrow must face some bureaucracy again). It interests me that all my sleeping dreams during this time away had been of various bits of the BDSM theme, mostly about my social interactions with other people. | ||
| 16 Nov 03 | This is not email nor keeping a diary. | (30 Dec 03, 4:34 PM by Fractal) |
| I sometimes refine earlier entries as they seem to pretty much say everything. If I was writing an email to you or keeping a written diary for myself, it would be so different. I wonder what sort of character is revealed here and to whom? [more...] | ||
| 8 Nov 03 | Archetype in vampire mythology | (20 Dec 03, 11:14 AM by Fractal) |
| Lately there is something about the Dracula story that is intriguing me. [more...] | ||
| 6 Nov 03 | Getting some perspective. | (16 Nov 03, 11:41 PM by Fractal) |
| Why do I get the feeling that there's more to this than I know about? Well I did find some more details and there was already a reason for hesitation before I got there. I cannot be expected to reveal all my thoughts and options, unless there really is something on offer. Somehow I've got to get some guidance and more experience behind me and a fem sub/slave already with some experience would be the best way towards this [more...] | ||
| 3 Nov 03 | I'm amazed. | (16 Nov 03, 10:53 PM by Fractal) |
| How to write a blog to express the thoughts and feelings one wants to quantify without giving too much away? I'll just leave the relevant bits out and maybe update it later. I wonder how long will this blog last before I delete it again? Perhaps this time it will last a bit longer, it does interest me to keep a blog but there's not much interesting to write about most of the time. [more...] | ||
