Posted by Smartarse
on Sun 14 May 06, 5:14 PM to Smartarse's blog.
I dislike being excluded from things because of my age, my size, my qualifications, my wealth, my social class and background, my race or my gender. It doesn't really matter what it is, I don't like being excluded. And my dislike ranges from mild irritation to hatred. I'm excluded from things like Saga and 18-30 holidays because of my age. I don't get a pensioner's discount from B&Q or a cheap TV licence for the same reason. I understand why this is but I still resent it. I can't apply for a lucrative job as a GP simply because I have no medical qualifications. How unfair is that? I can't buy a yacht because I don't have the money and I can't marry into the Royal Family because I don't get invited to the right parties. Actually I don't get invited to any parties but that's a different issue.
I don't think I'm alone in this. I think a lot of other people feel the same about being excluded from things that others are allowed to do. And that has made me a bit of a liberal and a supporter of things like racial equality, disability rights and feminism.
I am old enough to remember when feminism was a new idea. I was still a child, but I remember battles for women to be allowed into men only clubs. Perhaps, even at that early age I understood women's need for acceptance and access to something that was being denied to them. Later, the balance seemed to swing the other way with doors opening to women and being closed to men.
So when I noticed the London Ladies Munch on IC, some time ago, my reaction as a man was mild irritation. Yes, I disapproved. However, I heard the reasoning behind it. I understood it to be a non-threatening way for women to meet other women into BDSM. And that I do approve of.
The acid test of any gender specific activity is whether it is acceptable if you reverse it. I wonder how far a Men Only Munch would get? And in fact whether anyone would turn up? Lol.
About half a dozen times a year I meet up with a group of male friends all my age. We meet in a pub and have a meal. We bitch about women, we talk about engineering and gadgets. Sometimes someone brings along a woman. It's not a problem. It's usually about the same enjoyment wise, but slightly different conversation wise. I've only ever heard one person complain about women being there. Why this is a problem for him, I don't know. Does this make him a closed minded bigot - I'll leave you to decide. Our group is informal. Nobody would mind if someone brought someone else along, male or female. We don't advertise our group. Sometimes it's down to just three of us. It's an informal group, that doesn't matter. Nobody owns our group or is the leader, informal or otherwise. So nobody has control over it. We meet in a public house. That means any adult could attend. If we met at someone's house or a place which wasn't public, I guess we could be exclusive. But to be exclusive implies some kind of formal structure - perhaps the kind of constitution many clubs and societies have.
Perhaps you'd like to join my group? Well you can't. Not straight off anyway. I'd have to know you a bit. I'd have to know you would get on with my friends. I'd have to know that you wouldn't embarass me or spoil the evening for anyone. I'd have to know that the others would be comfortable with you. But if I don't like you for some reason, like you have offensive views or don't buy your round, fortunately I can exclude you simply by not telling you when it is.
Apparently the ladies who attend the London Ladies Munch had a vote at some point to exclude anyone with a willy - whether they called themselves a girl or not. This has caused a bit of a rumpus on the boards.
I can see the ladies point - although they are wrong. The munch attracts newbie girls. And it's not entirely comfy for newbies when they mix - for the first time - with anyone who wasn't born a girl but is now living as one.
Tough! You can't exclude people because they make you feel uncomfortable. The discomfort is your problem - not the people who are causing it.
If an event is public - ie. advertised with open attendance - it should at least pay lip service to the twin peaks of inclusivity and tolerance. Munches that want to exclude people for whatever reason should be private affairs.
The LLM is no more according to the boards. Although that remains to be seen. Perhaps it will struggle while the taint of bigotry lingers around the women that attend it. Perhaps the publicity will propel it to greater heights. Who knows? Good luck to the LLM. I genuinely hope you can continue. Although I am still offended by my exclusion by reason of gender.
You can find the spark that caused all this here:
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/boards/london/8...
| 14 May 06, 6:05 PM mini_velvet UK(EH), 6 yrs  |
Excellent blog.
Maybe you should change your name to smartiepants Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'! | |
| 14 May 06, 7:19 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
he he reclaiming the blogs for Essex |
thanks Velvet.