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| darkdollie |
I was chatting to 2 different people last night and it got me thinking a little. One of the conversations got around to competition and the other to confidence and the two in my head got interlinked.
Now i have never been a confident people and because of that competitions that aren't for fun, aren't for me. I just don't get these subs who have to fight for attention/affection/rewards and in that situation i know that i would just give up and not even bother. Now this is purely because of a confidence thing, i tend to feel that the other person is somehow more worthy than me and that i don't deserve whatever is on offer so in my head there is no point fighting for it. Sometimes i know this is stupid but others its just a fact that i know is true, and yes i know that is stupid as well *sighs*
Even if i did compete and win, i'd just feel guilty (yes a have a major guilt complex!) as i prefer for others to be happy. I really do like to please other people, i love to see people i care about content, it kills me when anyone is hurting and if it's because of me then even worse. Now this is purely thoughts about my lack of understanding for those that have to fight for attention from their Dom/mes, but it also brings me round to my attitude on most things, i feel that if someone wanted to give me something then they would which is why i can end up with nothing and disappointed as i just cannot ask for things and not everyone is a mind reader. Now i also know this is a bad attitude to have but it is something i am trying to work on, can't say i'm succeeding yet though, but it's a work in progress.
Anyway just a few ramlings before work........
| 29 Apr 06, 12:36 PM tigerlili UK(WN), 7 yrs |
This strikes a lot of chords with me - i've always been the same too. And yes it is stupid - and no i'm not sure i'll ever change! tigerlili The only ones who fail are those who do not try. | |
| 30 Apr 06, 9:35 PM estella UK, 7 yrs |
Struck a chord with me too, that did. |
