Dom(mes) & fresh ideas (23)

The sub is, after all, a breathing human being, an individual with a certain experience, a life, a complex psychology. Getting to know a person is always a good way to find out what makes them tick, to the activities (in the case of BDSM) that get a positive o non-positive response from them. Getting to know yourself in this area is a good idea too: to engage in a dialogue, to discuss things and to plan scenes together. When I'm planning a session, I listen, nod, ask questions when things are not clear, and then decide all by myself based on what I've been told. follow your instincts. How you choose to put all that info into practice and build up a scene is up to you in the end. And when you get down to play, there are going to be surprises for both parts, don't worry. Luckily, good ones. If something doesn't work out, stop, relax, and try something else. You are not being examined by an award panel, you are expressing and enjoying yourself in the company of somebody significant and valuable, even if it's only so for a couple of hours.

Women are like snakes. The last thing to die is the tail" - Truman Capote

What is for dinner Master? swish and whips girl!

Communication is always essential.

The element of surprise is more a personal matter. Some like surprises, some don't. Either way, limits should definitely be understood.

Next sub I'm seeing knows exactly what I want from him and why, and I've heard enough of his history to know I won't be transgressing his limits in the process. This is one I haven't seen before so although I know he likes that feeling of wondering what may happen next, I won't make it something that I don't know he would be happy with. Safewords will be in place anyway.

When you establish a relationship with a sub, you will get to know his likes, dislikes and limits. On a first time it's really important to talk about what is ok and what isn't. Some people use checklists. The traffic light safewords that DR mentioned are always good if you're indulging in casual play with people you don't know well, but developing the habit of askingthem generally what they're into and about limits is good practise. Especially if you're looking for play that could be challenging in some way.

Ariane

Nulla Anxietas

Absolutely seconded!

Women are like snakes. The last thing to die is the tail" - Truman Capote

thank you for this and for so much more - you have no idea how much you have helped.... also thanks to all those that have become a part of this discussion, appreciated xx

http://www.freakclubwear.co.uk/curious/index.html

And if you are looking to learn in a more private setting I offer training sessions for Dominants, which you can also bring a sub along to if you have a regular play partner.

http://www.the-playhouse.co.uk/couples/index.html

Learning together is part of the fun and what makes your relationship deepen. It is common to feel as the Domme that you should be the strong and knowledgeable one, but genuine submissives will respect you more for admitting you are new and be happy to help you through scenes. Even if they are not fantastic scenes because you are learning so much, it can lead to far far better scenes in the future and your sub is far more likely to stick around for this if you are honest and do not try to much at first.

And remember above all it is about being SAFE, SANE AND CONSENSUAL and having FUN! There are no hard an fast rules except these - do what you both enjoy, not what you feel you should be doing.

Mistress Kitana

The Playhouse The home of three lifestyle Mistresses where the possibilities are endless... www.the-playhouse.co.uk

I'm glad its all about u.

cutenkinky, its about learning from the sub aswell...once you have done it afew times, then you'll be comfortable with it, you can still take them by suprise, but its always nice getting feedback at the same time.

Kinkfest3 -:|:-My Website -:|:-London Munch -:|:- London Alternative Market -:|:- Hades

Do we ever stop learning new things?