Posted by melody_A
on Sat 18 Feb 06, 1:34 PM to melody_A's blog.
I've just returned from a short break to Dublin. Just about to take off the take-off was aborted – flames seen from the engine. After lots of kafuffle, people deciding not to fly with the lovely Ryanair, more flames and fire engines, they decided that all was safe and off we went. It's funny how a bit of drama gets total strangers talking. Alone on the flight I chatted with the two men sat next to me.
One was a short 19 year old Irish man and the other was a very 'public schoolboy' city banker type. Anyway, we chatted and chatted.
Somehow the conversation got around to why people would work in dangerous countries. We discussed whether the money would outweigh the risks involved. Then the Irish lad said,
“Maybe some people like to be scared, maybe being frightened, and out of control, isn't a bad thing.”
The city-banker type agreed and then said that the adrenalin rush associated with being afraid can be almost sexual.
What did I say? Nothing, fecking nothing........ Stupid, stupid me just sat there and said zilch. I just sat and nodded inanely. Why do I do this? I've done it before, an opportunity arose and I just sat and grinned like a stupid person. I had nothing to lose, it's highly unlikely that our paths will cross ever again, so why couldn't I bring myself to say anything?
I am ashamed? Do I really think that what we do is wrong? Shameful? Dirty?
My actions yesterday really gave me food for thought. I know that we laughingly describe ourselves as perverts; but I really do think I'm perverted. Perverted in 'not a dress up in a kinky boots type of perverted' – but that 'I'm a little sick in the mind'- perverted.
Just wondering.....
Edited Sat 18 Feb 06, 1:38 PM by melody_A
| 18 Feb 06, 1:53 PM melody_A UK, 8 yrs |
I need to make it clear. Contrary to what someone thought - I'm not kicking myself because of a missed sexual encounter. I'm reflecting at my own attidutes towards my sexuality. x "I'm a classy honey kissy huggy lovey dovey ghetto princess" |
| 18 Feb 06, 3:57 PM Prunesquallor UK(RG), 7 yrs |
Well, I have been around for a long time, and at various points in my life - during a time of enormous changes to sexual attitudes - I have felt slightly uncomfortable about some of my desires and fantasies. But inevitably I have found that what I considered unique and shameful was, in fact, commonplace. You eventually realise that even your most way-out hidden desires are probably shared by thousands, if not millions, of people. So what is there to be ashamed about? Perhaps what happened to you was more in the nature of inhibition - not knowing what sort of reaction you would get from your fellow-travellers, even though they seemed to be sympathetic. But all your kinks and perveries are part of what makes up you. It is probably wise to be reticent about revealing them to others, but never doubt yourself. |
