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| Mon 30 Jan 06, 9:46 PM elderflower UK, 7 yrs |
I need all ye Sadistic Ladies and Gentlemen out there to give me some advice on what this sadism thing actually means and how they feel about it.
I recently had an unusually deep and meaningful conversation with my brother who's just twenty, he confided in me that over the last year he has had really passionate feelings and feels isolated and unable to express himself or be understood in any way. Feelings and desires to really hurt people centering on a wish to kill a person. These desires started a little over a year ago and I'm the second person he's told. Understandably I'm really really concerned and worried for my little brother who is ostensibly the very model of a dashing young honey.
I'm trying to persuade him to go to try some therapy to help him make sense of it and would greatly appreciate anyone's help or advice in literature on the nature of sadism, anyone's own experiences and understanding of it.......any thoughts at all in fact!
What would you do with a Wobble-dee-woo? | |
| 30 Jan 06, 9:57 PM to_serve_you UK(BB), 6 yrs |
Maybe he should take up martial arts. Half an hour doing some kickboxing sparring will drain any pent up aggression far better than any therapist. Worked for me when I was younger and loved to fight. | |
| 30 Jan 06, 10:41 PM elderflower UK, 7 yrs |
Hey thanks for your thoughts...he's done Kung Fu for years now and I dread to think what would have happened by now if he hadn't! What would you do with a Wobble-dee-woo? | |
| 30 Jan 06, 10:46 PM to_serve_you UK(BB), 6 yrs |
I also did kung fu for a good few years. Also did kickboxing and Judo, which could be better as there sport based martial arts and give you more chance of fighting, and getting out aggresion from my experience. Hope things work out ok! | |
| 30 Jan 06, 10:46 PM relaxed1 UK(BR), 6 yrs   |
In all honesty, I'm not sure that any advice anyone can give "cold" will help enormously if, as you say, his feelings are quite extreme. Only someone who knows him well is likely to be able to judge the extent to which he is expressing fantasies and to what extent he might wish to act them out. The problem is that any therapy would need to be very specific to help him, if his fantasies are basically sadistic fantasies and that he can vent them in a controlled way. Anyone telling him he's wrong could just fuck him up. As someone that he's confided in, perhaps you're best placed to try to talk to him about what he feels and see if you can help him to work out what it all means to him and how he can express himself in a safe way. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars" | |
| 30 Jan 06, 11:27 PM zombie_Thomasson UK(E), 7 yrs |
Twenty's a frustrating age to be when you're male, this I know. The first question would have to be "what's his sex/knowing girls life like?", and the second,: "how calm/placid/irritated/annoyed/enraged is he in general?" You need to find out where this complusion lies, whether it's sexual or otherwise. Be it sexual or not, general that-point-of-life stresses will probably be making it more intense, especially if he finds it relieving to have these fantasies when he's stressed, depressed, loveless, or all of those. *If it's at all in a sexual context, then he's very probably just worrying and stressing too much about being "too weird 'n twisted 'n kinky" (thanks, society) and not knowing what to make of himself when he feels like this... He could do with a vague prod in the right direction with some wise words to take with him. If it doesn't seem sexual to him, then he does need some kind of diversion to vent spleen. The mental disciplines in martial arts don't condone violence for its own sake, so as long as he can assure himself that it would be strictly spleenventing, and not to be used, it would probably be a good idea. There is, though, also the possibility that it still may not seem sexual to him, but he's dissasociating the sex with the violence. Many torturers (sorry, that seems mean, but my point is an abstract) throughout history have done their thing in asexual ways, but still found it very sexual in ways they couldn't quite place, or found it sated sexual appetite. It's quite a tricky one, but that's my vague fistful of possibilities. I kind of floated through those mindsets a little for a while, some while I was way younger. It's very hard to take enough of a step back to get a third-person perspective of this kind of thing... That's quite a slab of reply. I'm faintly exausted now... Be Kind, Man. Don't Be Mankind. -Don Van Vliet | |
| 30 Jan 06, 11:32 PM uktrucker UK(CO), 9 yrs |
Tell him to join the army! That way he can and not get locked up for it! Mind someone with the same way of thinking may just take him out too!
I dont think he is a sadist more a young fool I dont ever try to be bad, It just happens!!!!! | |
| 30 Jan 06, 11:41 PM rubyd 8 yrs |
I'm not sure that sadism and the need to vent spleen are inextricably linked. The sadists I've known have been perhaps the most controlled people I know. As I understand it the need and desire to be sadistic is not about frustration or excess anger so I'm not convinced that practising martial arts or other vigorous exercise will necessarily sate the desire. I'm not a sadist so I don't really know what is needed, but some kind of self-exploration via therapy could perhaps assist. Geography is history. | |
| 30 Jan 06, 11:51 PM verte UK(E), 8 yrs |
The thing I think you and I have naturally done is discuss this in relation to sexual sadism - because that's our most obvious association. But the above are right: it might not be sadism at all, which makes articles on it difficult to find without describing it in sexual terms. Oh, and they tend to describe it as a 'disorder' which is guaranteed to be incredibly unhelpful. But it will be okay, babes! I think if you can convince your brother to get some counselling of any kind it would explore issues from both sides - if he's able to talk about it with them. (ps; in case you hadn't guessed, I'm getting an early morning train. So you can chain the door!) la fée verte Edited 30 Jan 06, 11:53 PM by verte | |
| 31 Jan 06, 12:05 AM elderflower UK, 7 yrs |
Thank you all so much for your replies! I really appreciate your thoughts and there were some things there I hadn't thought of...so thank you  see you tomorrow lady!What would you do with a Wobble-dee-woo? | |
| 31 Jan 06, 4:47 PM decadentlucrezia UK, 6 yrs |
He needs to talk quite desperately to a therapist of sorts, If he is presenting these feeling with out self awarness of the source, they can be so driven and deep seated that when ( not if) they manifest their selves they may lead to uncontrolable behaviours. definately not a time to let your self go BDSM definatley not for him at this point, far to dangerous to lose the balance between you id and ed. Q.. does he or has he self harmed before?
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That still has a lot to learn about the real world
