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| ShadowRose |
This is a little reminiscence I wrote up for a Dom, before I _switched_ sides.
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Do you remember the first time you wanked? How did you realise that if you touched yourself like _that_ - just _there_ - nice things happened?
I don't remember the first time. I don't even remember the first time that, or even how, I figured out that applying pain to my nipples made my cumming more intense. I do know that by the time I was eight or nine I had a set pattern and felt it had always been _this_ way.
I would lie down with my bedding (this was in the days of sheets and blankets rather than duvets) tucked securely around me. I would take two orange sticks and place the angled ends (the pointed ones being too sharp for my tender young buds) in the centre of my nipples so that they stood perpendicular anchored at the base by my flesh and at the top by the sheets that covered me. The feeling would be one of discomfort since they pressed into but did not bite deeply into my tits. Now I was ready to cum. I would finger myself with my right hand whilst my left played with my cunt lips and penetrated me gently, to start with.
As I became more and more excited I would arch upwards driving the sticks deeper and deeper as I moved faster and faster to climax. Finally I would explode as the red hot needle sharp agony of my tits would race like liquid fire through my body and act as the catalyst for the explosion of sensation that I was too ignorant to call by any name.
After, I would fling back the bedding and lie there panting and the orange sticks would stand upright without support because they had been driven so far into my flesh. Taking them out was agony and yet, oh so satisfying.
When I was ten I discovered clothes pegs and I have never looked back.
Without realising it I had trained myself to associate nipple torture with orgasm. Like a pavlovian bitch the association became so strong that I felt cheated if I came without experiencing almost unbearable pain. I realised that I could only guarantee a mind shattering explosion if I brought myself close to that edge where the pain was overwhelming.
One day I discovered that taking a stretchy Alice band and making a noose and frigging myself, whilst imagining I was being hung by cruel highwaymen or pirates, added a certain frisson of terror, urgency and spice to my self gratification. Unfortunately one night I panicked and my Gran came in to see what was wrong. I said I must have been having a nightmare and got caught up. I'm sure I wasn't believed but how do you ask a nine or ten year old child if she was trying out erotic-asphyxiation? The incident was soon left and never again referred to. My only real memory is one of shame at having been caught. I made damn sure that it never happened again - and I stopped playing with Alice bands.
At twelve I was sent to an all girls boarding school. I was terrified. I'd never been away from home before and now, thrust into this bewildering world of strangers who lived cheek by jowl and by rules I could not understand, I did not know how to behave. All I wanted to do was fit in. Something I found difficult to do for I was painfully shy, invariably awkward and "different". Up until then I hadn't realised how different. My peers were either starting puberty or had only been "women" for a year or so. When I truthfully told of my first period at seven I became a freak. Senior girls would ask if I was lying - assuming it was an attention seeking ploy. Since it had never been made into a big issue at home I had no idea I was that unusual. So much for fitting in.
I think my libido was crushed into oblivion at that time. I cannot remember wanking at all at school until I was in my last year. I made up for it at home though, during the holidays using bottles, cucumbers, pegs and screw backed earrings to fuck and clamp myself into excruciatingly intense orgasm after orgasm. I learnt of the effect a power shower could elicit and that if I lay in the bath with the plug in I could time it so that the filling bath covered my mouth and nostrils as I came. I didn't understand why this enhanced my pleasure but I knew it did.
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Is it any wonder that when I first experienced vanilla sex I was more than a tad disappointed...?
Edited Mon 14 Aug 06, 7:57 AM by ShadowRose
