Sun 13 Nov 05, 10:34 AM
irishuk
UK, 7 yrs
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thought id ask this.
A Master was saying in a different place that it is the responsibilty for a dominant person to not to misuse someones submission and cause emotional hurt and the submissive should take their time before and not give their submission so freely submission as a way of avoidly this, fair enough.This was as ever was generally agreed upon by all.
However when i said that the opposite is equally important a dominant person shouldnt accept submission so freely and a submissive shouldnt missuse the acceptance as trust so causing the dominant person hurt it was washed aside.The general consenus being for the dominant its not hurt its more disapointment.
If the non-physical side of a d/s relationship is so based on trust and so called deeper levels of emotions and a relationship is based on equality within that sense. I thought his use of the word disapointment and a dominant cant be hurt was a bad one.
Disappointment to me is not getting 6 numbers on the lotto |
13 Nov 05, 10:44 AM
happychicklet
11 yrs
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You have a responsibility to yourself to watch your own emotional back. I guess I've been guilty of accusing others of inflicting emotional injury on me, whereas if I'm really honest I can't blame that on them at all.
All you can really do is hope that people will treat you with care and respect, and hope to do likewise yourself. But how those actions translate into emotional or lasting hurt is entirely in your own hands.
That's the theory of course. In reality I don't think I'm any wiser at 38 than I was at 17, except on the subject of British wading birds, which is possibly the bigger tragedy.
_
happychicklet - the walnut of love
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13 Nov 05, 10:58 AM
irishuk
UK, 7 yrs
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happychicklet wrote:
You have a responsibility to yourself to watch your own emotional back. I guess I've been guilty of accusing others of inflicting emotional injury on me, whereas if I'm really honest I can't blame that on them at all.
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Yep your right on that but that applies to any type of relationship. I was more on about the idea that a dominant in his opinion cant have "hurt" as it were but more "disappointment". I felt in the context of the discussion disappointment was a very watery word, hence my lotto comment. |
13 Nov 05, 11:24 AM
irishuk
UK, 7 yrs
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Beelzebunny wrote:
irishuk wrote:
"a deeper kind of disappointment"
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isnt that the same as hurt? |
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13 Nov 05, 11:34 AM
Ariane
8 yrs |
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all lovely people and cared so much for each other that nobody ever got hurt or disappointed?
But in real life, hurts can and do happen unintentionally. Sometimes people have different needs, sometimes expectations aren't realistic, any number of things can happen.
But if you never take a chance emotionally, you cut yourself off from depths of feeling that can only be reached through taking that risk. The trick is to master your own emotions in a way that let's you deal with hurt or disappointment effectively. I don't mean suppression or iron-clad control, but learning to flow with what you feel and accept it as a natural part of life, so that it does not fester and destroy you.
I see some people who are very, very cautious about getting into a play situation and see the limitations they set for themselves. It is theirs to choose.
I see others willing to give all without question, just asking for disappointment on a large scale. Again, it is theirs to decide.
The most intense emotional experiences I have had have come from taking some risk emotionally, but knowing that I have what it takes to dust myself off if it ends in disappointment.
I can admire the balance my newest lad has struck, taking a risk with me but asking enough questions beforehand just to make sure I wasn't the wrong kind of Domme for him, and am interested in filling the actual needs he has. I've given far more thought to it than I've told him, I plan to make a real effort with this one.
But someone too cautious would miss some of the intensity that will come of taking some risk, and someone too free with trust may have had a bad experience with someone else.
It is possible to reach a balance where you can live life to the fullest, love freely, and experience everything with what feels like complete abandon, yet maintain a philosophical attitude when something comes to an end, or goes a different direction than expected.
Change is a natural part of life. Embracing it is the secret to fully experiencing all of life's potential.
Meanwhile, trying our best to consider the feelings of others, especially those we get close to, is the best we can do.
Ariane Relax, nothing's under control.
Edited 13 Nov 05, 11:35 AM by Ariane
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13 Nov 05, 12:09 PM
Mona_Demarkov
HR, 7 yrs
 |
irishuk wrote:
thought id ask this.
A Master was saying in a different place that it is the responsibilty for a dominant person to not to misuse someones submission and cause emotional hurt and the submissive should take their time before and not give their submission so freely submission as a way of avoidly this, fair enough.This was as ever was generally agreed upon by all.
However when i said that the opposite is equally important a dominant person shouldnt accept submission so freely and a submissive shouldnt missuse the acceptance as trust so causing the dominant person hurt it was washed aside.The general consenus being for the dominant its not hurt its more disapointment.
If the non-physical side of a d/s relationship is so based on trust and so called deeper levels of emotions and a relationship is based on equality within that sense. I thought his use of the word disapointment and a dominant cant be hurt was a bad one.
Disappointment to me is not getting 6 numbers on the lotto
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Without getting into the discussion of semantics, I understand what you mean. And I don't condone for a second that a submissive is more likely to be hurt/disappointed/whatever than a dom. If both bring in emotion, both can feel the same amount of emotional pain if the other lets them down in some way.
I thought this was obvious, I am sorry to hear the other place you discussed this at felt differently. We Are Time.
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13 Nov 05, 1:50 PM
Delta_D
7 yrs |
Ariane wrote:
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all lovely people and cared so much for each other that nobody ever got hurt or disappointed?
But in real life, hurts can and do happen unintentionally. Sometimes people have different needs, sometimes expectations aren't realistic, any number of things can happen.
But if you never take a chance emotionally, you cut yourself off from depths of feeling that can only be reached through taking that risk. The trick is to master your own emotions in a way that let's you deal with hurt or disappointment effectively. I don't mean suppression or iron-clad control, but learning to flow with what you feel and accept it as a natural part of life, so that it does not fester and destroy you.
I see some people who are very, very cautious about getting into a play situation and see the limitations they set for themselves. It is theirs to choose.
I see others willing to give all without question, just asking for disappointment on a large scale. Again, it is theirs to decide.
The most intense emotional experiences I have had have come from taking some risk emotionally, but knowing that I have what it takes to dust myself off if it ends in disappointment.
I can admire the balance my newest lad has struck, taking a risk with me but asking enough questions beforehand just to make sure I wasn't the wrong kind of Domme for him, and am interested in filling the actual needs he has. I've given far more thought to it than I've told him, I plan to make a real effort with this one.
But someone too cautious would miss some of the intensity that will come of taking some risk, and someone too free with trust may have had a bad experience with someone else.
It is possible to reach a balance where you can live life to the fullest, love freely, and experience everything with what feels like complete abandon, yet maintain a philosophical attitude when something comes to an end, or goes a different direction than expected.
Change is a natural part of life. Embracing it is the secret to fully experiencing all of life's potential.
Meanwhile, trying our best to consider the feelings of others, especially those we get close to, is the best we can do.
Ariane
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Wow...that was so well written and explained. Well done 
Inside every fat girl is a thin one screaming to escape.... feed the bitch more chocolate to keep her quiet!
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13 Nov 05, 2:40 PM
Scylla
UK, 6 yrs
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Ariane wrote:
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were all lovely people and cared so much for each other that nobody ever got hurt or disappointed?
But in real life, hurts can and do happen unintentionally. Sometimes people have different needs, sometimes expectations aren't realistic, any number of things can happen.
But if you never take a chance emotionally, you cut yourself off from depths of feeling that can only be reached through taking that risk. The trick is to master your own emotions in a way that let's you deal with hurt or disappointment effectively. I don't mean suppression or iron-clad control, but learning to flow with what you feel and accept it as a natural part of life, so that it does not fester and destroy you.
I see some people who are very, very cautious about getting into a play situation and see the limitations they set for themselves. It is theirs to choose.
I see others willing to give all without question, just asking for disappointment on a large scale. Again, it is theirs to decide.
The most intense emotional experiences I have had have come from taking some risk emotionally, but knowing that I have what it takes to dust myself off if it ends in disappointment.
I can admire the balance my newest lad has struck, taking a risk with me but asking enough questions beforehand just to make sure I wasn't the wrong kind of Domme for him, and am interested in filling the actual needs he has. I've given far more thought to it than I've told him, I plan to make a real effort with this one.
But someone too cautious would miss some of the intensity that will come of taking some risk, and someone too free with trust may have had a bad experience with someone else.
It is possible to reach a balance where you can live life to the fullest, love freely, and experience everything with what feels like complete abandon, yet maintain a philosophical attitude when something comes to an end, or goes a different direction than expected.
Change is a natural part of life. Embracing it is the secret to fully experiencing all of life's potential.
Meanwhile, trying our best to consider the feelings of others, especially those we get close to, is the best we can do.
Ariane
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I find that I know that I can get to emotionally involved and I know that I shouldn't, but having the will power to stop it is another matter.
Being new to this and wanting to be a domme but emotionally careing for a person is a conflict.
Just how far should one go in showing emotion, and what emotion should be shown and how should one act in public, within the sceane.
there's nothing worse than trying to fist jam a greasy crack
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13 Nov 05, 7:32 PM
Ariane
8 yrs |
Scylla wrote:
]
I find that I know that I can get to emotionally involved and I know that I shouldn't, but having the will power to stop it is another matter.
Being new to this and wanting to be a domme but emotionally careing for a person is a conflict.
Just how far should one go in showing emotion, and what emotion should be shown and how should one act in public, within the sceane.
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Shouldn't? Who makes these rules...
I let my emotions run freely when someone inspires them. Why limit your own emotional pleasure?
To love your sub fully and completely is a great gift. They should be cared for, both physically and emotionally. Especially when you hurt them.
How much emotion you show, normally, in scene, and in public, is an individual choice. Being inconsistent about it in private can be a fine art. 
Ariane Relax, nothing's under control.
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14 Nov 05, 9:17 AM
demolitionred
7 yrs |
happychicklet wrote:
You have a responsibility to yourself to watch your own emotional back. I guess I've been guilty of accusing others of inflicting emotional injury on me, whereas if I'm really honest I can't blame that on them at all.
All you can really do is hope that people will treat you with care and respect, and hope to do likewise yourself. But how those actions translate into emotional or lasting hurt is entirely in your own hands.
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I've caused pain. Sometimes I wasn't aware, sometimes I did it on purpose, sometimes if I'd paid more attention I would have realised the impact of what I was doing and reduced the impact, sometimes I knew but didn't care.
I try harder not to than before but tend to accept less responsabilty now when I fuck up.. --------------------------------------------------- --
I don't cook, I don't clean and I don't put icky things near my mouth.
www.iwf.org.uk/documents/20050826_ consultation_on_extreme_pornographic_material.pdf
http://www.smartgroups.com/groups/backlash
www.unfettered.co.uk
www.backlash-uk.org.uk
Edited 14 Nov 05, 9:18 AM by demolitionred
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