Posted by domspaintoy
on Sat 12 Nov 05, 2:02 PM to domspaintoy's blog.
Ok so last saturday night was fab thats undisputed, want to go there again and again, this following week has been a nightmare.
Yesterday didnt know what to do with myself and Today i feel like punching someone i feel so damn angry and there is literally no reason for it which in itself is upsetting, so im going from a raging temper to wanting to cry i feel like ive got the worst PMT imaginable and i know its not that. To top it off i feel as tho Master isnt interested in how im feeling, i feel Neglected, Ignored, Insecure (which is all in my head) i want to stand and stamp my feet and scream at him 'IM SCARED' im scared of all these feelings and emotions, Im not used to them, I dont know how to handle them most of all Im scared of closing off from him cos thats what i do best when im running scared i distance myself.
I dont know what to do im smoking like a trooper which i know Master will not like, if i had any alcohol in the house id get steaming drunk.
Hmmmmm subdrop is vile i hate it seriously hope i dont get it this bad next time i cant cope with it, then its, is it subdrop? am i just bin a mardy arse? ive tried rationalising it in my head, i know what it is, i cant expect Master to be the all knowing all soothing man can i?, am i asking too much i dont know, this is the 1st of any type of relationship ive been in for a long time ive forgot how to deal with my emotions, God im gonna go mad an i gotta go to work soon, i cant be this emotionl wreck there, im there precisely for my soothing, calming abilities how am i gonna deal with their crisis and emotions when i cant deal with my own!
If i had a cane id cane myself! shame i wouldnt be able to do it as well as Master does.
