What am I in to? (10)

Just wanted to make a post here to see if you folks can help me out. I'm harboring strange thought and not sure if what I think is who I am.

I've reached a point where I'm just not sure what I'm into and whether I'm entertaining thoughts out of jealousy or not.

To recap quickly. My wife is a sub, I don't know. Married for 3 years mainly vanialla. Flirted with bondage over 3 years. Not enough done in this area, and I realise that she's been repressing this for years. not a good place to be in.

about 6 weeks I realised this was a bigger deal than I knew so spent time finding out what I was into. now although I'd not expressed this before I'm realise that I'm basically into bondage. I am tuned into this, and daily the signal gets cleared for me.

before I mention the next bit I want to explain about the jealousy. 3 weeks or so ago my wife started a relatonship with a male dom over the intenet. Something that at a dark point got in the way and almost wrecked our marriage. I realise that my issue was not actually with what they are doing (sub - dom) thing. But him. Any who.

So he's a dom, six weeks ago she would have wanted nothing more than this to be me. But I realise that although I'm not a natural dom I'm having dom like thoughs. Some articles I've read say you are or you aren't I'm not quite sure. I don't know if I'm jealous and want to be a dom, or if I really an having thoughts. My wife is an strong person, and whilst she knows it's me she won't submit to me easily (in fact only when bound). But I do actually long to make her submit even though not there in person. But while shes enjoying this dom side over the net, she doesnt want this from me, and has said that she doesnt want this from me period. I think she says this cause she belives I'm either not in to it , or not capable.

I might not sound like a dom, but i would apreciate any comments at all.

from what you say i kind of get the feeling that the two of you don't talk to each other. this is not good on a Dom/sub level. and openness and honesty has to be the basis for any relationship as far as i am concerned, so that jealousy does not come into it.

i hope that the two of you can work this out, and grow and learn about this wonderful scene together.

Luv & hugs

PLEASURE = PAIN = PLEASURE

Well Mythy, You said it might help others if I wrote down how London Community has helped me. So that what I will try to do. Please feel free to word it better or cut it in any way you think best?

I have had an interest in BDSM for many years but thought that I was one of very few and it would forever be a dream? Then along came the Internet and I started to find that there are others just like me (Hey so I'm not such a freak? So I started to have chats with others into BDSM, However I soon found that many were just into playing on the net and found it hard to find anyone who was willing to chat and not just want to play games on the net? Then I found Informed Consent it was a good chat room with a lot of helpful people in it. But it is based in the north, then someone on informed consent told me to have a look at London-BDSM? So that's how I found you lot I started to chat with people like Mythy, MRK, Thunder, Red (or whatever name she has at the time) and of course that dame cat. As I got to know more and more of you on line the more I was asked, if I would be at the next munch. However when I told them that I could not go as I am married and my wife was not into BDSM and I would feel that I was cheating on her if I went without her knowing. Then it happened? Mythy talked me into telling LL how I felt and she very kindly asked if it would help if she wrote a letter to LL for me? (And it was a beautiful letter to?) So now all I had to do was tell LL how I felt, Easy???? I don't think, I was to put it mildly bricking it (by the way anyone want enough bricks to built a shed?) So now I had the Letter from Mythy. It was time to come clean and to tell LL how I felt; well I just come out with it and put it all wrong? LL at first felt I was saying that I wanted her to go to orgies, or that I wanted to go alone to the munch and play with others. After she read Mythys letter she calmed down some and after a few days thinking about it she said ok, She would try going to a munch. But that I was not to move from her side at all and if anyone said that they wanted to whip her. They would not see her arse for dust? So we then came the day of the munch. Both feeling nervous we set off to High Holborn. Mythy and Thunder had both said it would probably be best for us if we got there early. That way we would not have to walk into a crowded room and have all turn to look at us. That was very good advice. So what happened? We got stuck in traffic and ended up parking at Red Bridge and getting the tube. (Will never use the tube again if I can help it. I had forgotten how loud and dirty they are) then we came out the tube and followed the directions we had and no one had said the tube station had two exits But Thunder saved the day when he came and found us. So into the munch we walk and LL is looking for the people with three heads etc. (The nearest we come to that was MRK with his hat ) Well, I had been winding Red up about some chocolate I had eaten. Red said I should go to the shop and get her some choccy, I looked at LL and she just laughed and said well get going then. So I was sent off to the shop twice. Yes I saw Purple sitting there laughing, By the end of the night LL had meet dark slave and she was a great help in making LL feel safe and sane. We meet a lot of very friendly people and the night went very well. By the time we were on our way home LL was telling me that at the next munch we would go in by car and then I could take her for a meal afterwards. Then we went to LFF and meet some that we had meet at the munch and had a great day out there. LL picked out a flogger and I paid for it. (As it should be) We also got a book to read that we had been told would be of help to us. We had to miss the next munch but got to the last one and I took LL for her meal after! So that how it worked for me with the help of some great people. Not all of them have been named in this. I hope they forgive me. Plus its no longer me but US. We are now started on the road into BDSM and both enjoying it very much! I am so lucky to have a wife who was willing to look, listen and learn with me and not just say NO WAY. That's why I LOVE her so dearly

Well Mythy I hope that this is the sort of thing you wanted? all our best uktrucker{LL}

Sorry for a long and boring post. but I hope it helps you nigel

uktrucker sub/slave/husband to Lady Lyn

Sounds like a fantastic opportunity to discover a part of you that is yearning to get out. So don't tie it down!

(there are so many other things much better to tie!)

i think you need to act quickly! find out whats going on on line and try re enacting it in real time, seperate the fantasy and make it a reality, i suppose what im saying is - take control!

tamed xxx

p.s. jealousy is an out of control feeling.

"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us"

Any attempt to have a meaningful discussion about this was generally stonewalled by her, and led slowly to the disintegration of the relationship (there were other factors too but this played a significant part). This was several years ago now, before the internet was what it is today, so make the most of the resourses you have available to you such as IC, to work out where you want to be and use it as a basis for dialogue with her in an attempt to get as much out in the open as you can. There are plenty of good people around here to give you support, and I wish you the best of luck in working things out.

Edited 23 Oct 05, 11:05 AM by Insistor

Whilst agreeing with tania I do also need to point out that my experience is that the Dom/sub dynamic whether it be D/s or bdsm based does not always work between couples who have been married for some time and / or who are newly married.

Dont ask me why cos I am not married but I know that bright_eyes has psoted on it. you could do worse than memo her.

MG

your kinklusive needs YOU - Volunteers needed - Memo me for details.
www.kinklusive.org.uk

i would be quite happy if you would like to memo me about this. As MG said i have posted on this before as some cannot understand how it works. It does for us and me and my husband were much happier when we finally admitted we couldn't play with each other.

Just remember communicate, and if the love is there you can survive anything.

perspectives change when your on your knees ~ Killing Miranda

agreed, but also on that note my husband and i play together and with others quite happily. so if you are after both sides of the coin feel free to memo me too.

PLEASURE = PAIN = PLEASURE

Edited 22 Oct 05, 11:55 PM by MistressMatrix

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. It sounds to me like you might be worrying to much about this not a "natural Dom thing". I wouldn't worry about fulfilling some kind of Dom criteria. You have said you want to make your wife submit, which is the main point, so now comes the fun part where you and your wife can go about learning how you want to do it. I think this kind of life style has a hugely creative and imagative side and with anything creative or artistic there are no right or wrong answers. Your interests will develop as you learn more, and just like a signature you will develop your own style. Just remember it's not a race. And you never know, if you and your wife start to talk about it more a whole new beautiful dynamic to your relationship could flourish. You just need a bit of a confidence boost, why not treat yourself to some new toys you like the look of and see what happens, what the worst that can happen? As for the other Dom, 3 weeks isn't a long time and after all you are her husband, your the one she's chosen to with, this online relationship may just be a make shift outlet for her feelings right now. Just talk to her and see what happens. I'm sure it will work itself out, it won't develop over night; because no relationship can do that, just remember to keep talking.

beno