Posted by daitchen on Sun 2 Oct 05, 8:15 PM to daitchen's blog.
So, here I am living in luverly London.
Having given up my nice little part-time job in academia, with some trepidation I crossed the country to come and live in what has seemed to me in the past to be a bit of a black hole, sucking people in willy-nilly, regardless of where their hearts may lie.
When I go down onto the Underground at peak times (or the airless, fetid Northern Line at almost any time) I feel dehumanised, slightly claustrophobic. Give me a Zentai suit any day, rather than that! 
On the other hand there are plenty of exciting things happening here, especially on the bdsm scene, and I've been to quite a few clubs, the LFF, special events such as Kinkfest, memorable parties, and broadened my experience enormously. I've mostly enjoyed myself, and been privileged to meet some extraordinary people, in Fractal's considerate company.
Yet I wonder if London's "event horizon" (if scientists will please forgive the liberty) is enough to compensate for the vague feeling of disconnection and attenuation that I often sense, the wistful longing to be closer to nature, to somehow be more raw, more real?
At least we are lucky enough to have a small garden here. Before we moved in together in March it was a brambly foxes' lair, and now we are trying to atone for their eviction by making it as bio-diverse as possible. Fractal does the heavy, dramatic landscaping chores when he has time, and I do the pottering about and cultivation, mostly. It is like our lifeline to open space and freedom.
We have known each other now for almost a year, not so long, really, but we have come quite a long way together. It is still surprising to me how well and easily we mostly get on, and how smoothly we have slid into roles that to an outsider might look quite traditional and conforming. Unless they happened to look at the bulging toy bag under the bed, that is!
Our actual play is not as intense or frequent as at the beginning, before I moved in with him, and his job involves unsocial hours. (When, oh when, are those bolts going to get fixed to the ceiling?!) On the D/s front, things are very open-ended and fluid, still. I can't see myself becoming his slave in the sense that term is used on the slave register. I am not sure whether this is because the personal D/s dynamic between us doesn't lend itself to that, or whether I am just not cut out for slavery.
Who knows what kind of new life will emerge for me here eventually?
Edited Tue 8 Jan 08, 1:48 PM by daitchen
