Posted by Smartarse
on Fri 30 Sep 05, 12:26 PM to Smartarse's blog.
I dropped an egg on the floor. It was rather annoying. I was making an omlette and I'd cracked the first egg into a bowl and my fingers were slippy with the goo. So when I picked up the second I did a comedy juggling act in which the egg jumped about two foot out of my hands and then plummeted to the floor.
Have you ever tried to clear up a whole egg?
I chased it around the kitchen for a bit with a cloth. I ended up with a cloth coated with slime and floor dirt - but the egg was mostly still intact. I considered calling out all the kings horses and all the kings men but apparently they were replaced by an air ambulance service run by the Humpty Dumpty memorial trust in the late eighteen sixties. Obviously they weren't operating an air ambulance in those days, but used the latest technology none the less. They rolled out the first steam driven egg ambulance service in 1865. Then they rolled it back in again after it was discovered that the close proximity of the passenger compartment to the firebox and boiler was causing egg casualties to arrive at hospital lightly poached.
So... rather than wait for the helicopter to arrive I decided to persevere with the clear up. I briefly considered getting out the dustpan to kind of scrape it up. But the dustpan is pretty mushy already and I couldn't face washing that up. I don't use kitchen roll so I ran the cloth under the hot tap and ended up with a cloth full of white string. Yuck.
* * *
Talking of yuck. I bought some Tescos crunchy peanut butter. I bought it because Tescos didn't have any Wholeworld crunchy peanut butter. Wholeworld is like the wholemeal equivalent of peanut butter. It's mustard brown in colour, has no added sugar and when you spread it, it creates an effect like a cobbled road, almost as if.... it was made from crushed peanuts.
Tescos cruchy peanut butter – and I'm not talking 'value' here – is like a pot of peanut flavoured lard. It's kind of an anemic beige colour. When you spread it, it creates the effect of spreading lard with the occasional flake of peanut in it. And they've added sugar to it. Dammit, I bought a large jar as well.
Okay so you've read this far and no BDSM content so far. Perhaps I should mention I went to the museum of london yesterday and spotted some Roman slave chains and some medieval fetters. I'm thinking of making some of my own – probably out of broken egg shell and peanut butter.
Edited Fri 30 Sep 05, 12:28 PM by Smartarse
| 30 Sep 05, 12:42 PM Sweetiejar UK(S), 11 yrs  |
sprinkle with salt. Take the peanut butter back to Tesco and tell them its crap and why. They will give you your money back. xxxxx Sweetiejar | ||
| 30 Sep 05, 1:22 PM bohemian 8 yrs |
Make some peanutbutter cookies with it if nothing else, which is about all it's good for. | ||
| 30 Sep 05, 4:22 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
Maybe I could try sprinkling with peanut butter. It's got lots of salt in it. I know I should take the peanut butter back, but I can't stand the looks of surprised outrage. smartarse | ||
| 30 Sep 05, 4:24 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
That's not a problem. I've got a whole load of poetry I can put up if I run out of something to say smartarse | ||
| 30 Sep 05, 4:25 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
Ooo, got a recipe? smartarse | ||
| 30 Sep 05, 4:49 PM moonstone UK, 7 yrs |
I dropped a raw egg onto the floor a couple of weeks back. Now I wasn't phased, cos I also happen to own the greediest dog in the whole world. He will eat ANYTHING no matter how disgusting or dirty. "Here Pooky, something for you" I called. That isn't his real name, but I thought I'd better give him an alias in case he doesn't want to be recognised on here. Pooky came bounding into the kitchen - he's usually banned from the kitchen, so he thought his luck was in. Sniffed around the egg, then walked back out again! Cleaning up raw egg is not easy.
Unless you are an American, DON'T call me fucking 'Hon'! | ||
| 1 Oct 05, 5:58 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
That's dogs in the 21st century... If the egg had come in a foil packet Pooky would have wolfed it down. Or spanielled it down... whatever.
smartarse |
