This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| 27 Sep 05, 9:57 AM The_Playhouse UK, 7 yrs £  |
I find it varies according to person and situation. If I am playing with a relatively new submissive and we want to play around a scene which involves them protesting and saying no but being ignored then safewords are very useful. A method I use to check everything is fine in this scenario is to remind them what their safeword is during the scene if their shouts get particularly insistent - can be done in a caring way or as part of the scene still. Then if they do not immediately call it, and all the body signs appear right and I feel there was no great need to say no, I will carry on. Sounds time consuming but it can all be done cery quickly, and in the mood of the scene so it doesn't disrupt play. I usually use the traffic light system of safewords. Then someone can call amber just to bring up a problem but not stop the scene, or red to stop the scene. I think it encourages the sub to call their safeword this way, as they know they can call amber without having to end the scene and worry about dissapointing me. However the above is with casual scening and people I have not played with lots. With my partner it is different. We have been together nearly 3 years, as partners and dom/sub. She has never been keen on playing with the idea of being forced, so we have never needed safewords, despite her being a masochist. She has always had a safeword, but does not use it. If she is not happy she tells me. I then use my judgement, watch her body, give her a hug or kiss and a moment to relax, then if I see fit carry on. Safewords should only ever be an additional tool for the dominant, they should never be something they rely on entirely. It takes judgement and an understanding of the basics of body language, and how the body and mind deals and copes with things to know when to push and when to stop. Dominants need to remember a sub may have a safeword, but they can get so spaced they will forget to use it or not realise they need to use it. This is why in long term relationships, safewords often become obsolete. And if someone starts screaming for you to stop, unless you have talked specifically about doing this kind of scene before you began, then that should always mean stop. Kitana The Playhouse The home of three lifestyle Mistresses where the possibilities are endless... www.the-playhouse.co.uk | ||||
| 27 Sep 05, 11:13 AM Mr_Smacker UK, 8 yrs |
We been together a while my wife (then g/f) was given a safeword when we started out together & she still has it (if she can remember it, as she has never used it  ) but I reckon could be useful as we zoom into more mature years, when joints get less flexible, and then there's the old foe of cramp while in restraint. As I'm sure others know is damn painfulSo I think, even tho it's never been used we'll keep the safeword active, (if that makes sense) Mr Smacker | ||||
| 27 Sep 05, 10:24 PM Angkor UK(RM), 8 yrs  |
Cop out.. Ow! Ow! OWWW! That really hurts... TABLELAMP!!
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| 27 Sep 05, 10:48 PM Mona_Demarkov HR, 7 yrs |
..in my opinion, safewords defy the purpose. But then again, I don't play casually. We Are Time. | ||||
| 27 Sep 05, 11:22 PM camTastic UK(CB), 8 yrs |
To me it's essential to have a safeword, but then again I've never used it, for me and the BDSM partners (both sub and dom) I've had have agreed. I've always used the Red, Amber and Green words like many people in the scene, however I've never had to safeword or stop - because if you are with someone you trust and have learned where you both lie in the bdsm area, then the top should know how the bottom is - and constantly check. However I still feel it's a just in case someone gets wrapped up too far, but probably more useful for casual scenes. I have been in a situation, pushed well past my limit, but I didn't use the safeword, because I didn't want to. Maybe I should, but I didn't and I lived with it :| ! To all novices - have them, to seasoned couples, you know what is best, for casual players, it's a must.
Just my honest opinion Edited 27 Sep 05, 11:23 PM by camTastic | ||||
| 27 Sep 05, 11:57 PM WickedKev UK(IP), 6 yrs |
No you are not alone, my slave has no safe word but then niether do any subs that I top, they only get the snake ball and that is it. Dom de Dom Dom | ||||
| 28 Sep 05, 7:48 AM domino_scotland UK, 7 yrs |
<grin> it's the only way really.
There are a few people I play with, but they are generally friends - people I know and trust.
very true. When I have found myself in this situation though, it will have been at the end of lengthy email and negotiation. For first play with someone I like having all the action scripted and agreed on in advance.
Yes indeed. I find myself not needing to use a safeword - or rather to quote a friend : Safeword is my safeword. I expect that the people I play with are adult enough to listen to any feedback I give them and to be alert to my state. If I say 'can't breathe' or 'hand numb' then they better not ignore me. Having said that, I don't really get sub-space or sub-drop and whilst I can and do become euphoric and orgasmic, there is always a tiny corner of my brain which is still alert. love domino |
