Posted by candygirl
on Thu 1 Sep 05, 10:14 PM to candygirl's blog.
In response to lili's blog I felt that I really had a lot of thoughts going around in my head. So much of it was true and based on my previous experience at the weekend, it got me thinking could I have done anything more to alleviate the hurt feelings I experienced thereafter.
The question, is it right to play on your first meet? Are you opening yourself up to possible abuse and hurt during that meet or after. Well I must say, the only time I have ever been afraid or felt that I was being abused in a non consensual way was my very first meet with A Dom way back in the days when I knew nothing, about 5 years ago actually. I didn't know people in the local scene and I met this person online and chatted to him for a considerable time. I was very nervous about meeting and was forever changing my mind. I couldn't work out whether I was nervous about being real for the first time, or whether there was something about him I didn't like. It turned out to be the latter. You see I should of used my intuitive nature, which is usually what I go on when looking to meet someone. As it turned out I didn't come to any harm and I walked away.
Through the years of meeting people I have been fortunate to meet some incredibly nice people. Some I have met and played with and its been a great time together but nothing more. Some I have had relationships with, but all in all a great journey of exploring whats out there and who I am also.
The only issue is, I always lay myself out fully, not literally lol. I mean mentally, I never hold anything back, I give, I please and that is the core nature of me. A deep desire to please and a deep desire for them to be pleased with me. Ideally it's a symbiotic relationship, I give my all to them and they take care of me mentally and physically.
So should I keep some of me back, not be so open and communicative. Should I play a game with them, make them want me. I cant do games, I am me, what you see is what you get. If I get chatting to someone online, should I be more cautious about meeting them? Why, I have known people who online can come over as very intelligent – telling you everything you want to know people, and in person they are complete opposites. So whats the point of getting drawn into an online relationship if when you meet there isn't the physical attraction or that spark. As for the D/s etc, for me that is very much an integral part of who I am and the person might be great fun etc but it just doesn't work on a D/s level. By the way, these people I have remained friends with and havnt just dismissed them because they don't hit the right buttons.
So, am I opening myself upto being abused, am I being naïve or am I just going out there and searching for what I want. I am careful, I do put safety first.
As lili pointed out most men would put on their best behaviour on a first meet unless they had serious issues which meant that they only met women to abuse them. But surely these type of people are in all walks of life and the threat is there generally. In fact I myself had a vanilla boyfriend who turned out to be fairly abusive after a number of months.
Abuse comes in all shapes and guises and to be fair its very unusually physical. I would say that from experience its a playing of the mind, which sometimes can be even more threatening to the person involved.
So coming back to this weekend, I wouldn't of done anything different. I would still of gone out there looking for that person who I know will be right. So for those that judge and say you deserve everything you get, life is an experience and I would rather be out there living it rather than sat behind a computer dreaming it.
I hope that this has made a bit of sense and that I have not rambled on too much. I am sure if nothing more, it has made us think a little.
The best thing that we can do for our fellow human being is not to be judgemental be a friend.
ps i have had closure to my weekend experience and it has helped me to realise there are, unfortunately a few idiots out there. So just be careful.
Huggggggs
candy xx
Edited Thu 1 Sep 05, 10:56 PM by candygirl
