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Your first ever event. (77)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

18 Aug 05, 7:24 AM
LadyRed
UK, 9 yrs

This is kind of what I am trying to say about another under 35's ailsa.. That it can be flexible, or better still it could be more aimed towards the new rather than the age?

It never has affected me (the age munch) and I doubt it ever will, the person I took to the under 35's asked if I would take them as they had not been before also several people that went to that munch where asking me to attend...so I did just once if I am right.

I did not get involved or read the under 35's thread, I do know jenis and I like her and I wish her well with what ever she plans.

I am not out to say if its right or wrong, I was just giving my honest opinion.

I have attended several very well run munches around the country, all the organisers very helpful and understanding and most of them even ask you to call and let them know if your new or nervous so they can look out for you.

And one last thing, I get hit on by men at munches, I have even been chased around one by a so called Dom… so being intimidated by Dom/mes can happen to anyone at any time and also the argument that the younger scene don't like talking about this stuff with people older than themselves can also work the other way round, me myself I am lucky enough to be able to converse with all age groups and always have been.

The under 35's munch to me is just another way of dividing an already fragmented community.

ailsa_hampshire wrote:

LadyRed wrote:
Yes I do understand your points but as you said you had help from those who ran that munch, most people who run a munch are only too happy to help anyone having problems or who are new.

I am just saying that we split ourselves way too much with one thing or another, I dont see it hurting to change the name of the munch to "newbie" rather than an age thing, this way more help goes to those that are new rather than making a split in the community re age (this does tend to get up peoples noses) not that it worries me, also I do remember that when you ran the under 35's you had it that if someone was a play partner/partner with an under 35 they could attend with them ( I remember coming to one with a sub of mine).

Hi,

I think I made my points re a 'newbies' munch in small to medium local communities in my further post.

U35s isn't about introducing new people to the scene its about providing an environment younger people may feel more comfortable in because of the various issues with some mainstream munches.

All munches are about introducing new people to scene whether its a munch that caters to the 35+, women or those with a particular interest. Its about helping build groups in wider events and hopefully creating more events by providing environments people WANT to be in.

Yep, in winchester after thought and discussion we decided that opening the doors to those in couples where one partner was older than 35 would be a worthwhile experiment.

In the much smaller catchment area of winchester this worked and what partially influenced this decision were a number of fem subs that were not finding 'peers' easy to find but would have not been allowed/been worried about coming alone without their doms.

As I recall you were the only person in a play partner situation that came along to the munch.

It worked in a way in winchester that didn't cause a problem as such couples attending weren't regular or in the sort of numbers that caused a dilution of the age range/atmosphere.

As London has so many events and there was a possibility of couples if this type being quite numerous at this event and therefore distoring the point behind U35s the decision was made to keep that one as strictly under 35s.

In my mind and experience being flexible to the local community needs = growth and enjoyment.

Good thing right?

What works in one area may not work in another, what is good for a small town might not work in a big city and vice versa.

Ailsa

Edited to add:

The support I received from those running the winchester munch was above and beyond what one could reasonably expect people to give ... they simply wouldn't have the time for a start and not everyone wants to let people that come to the munch know personal details about them, socialise with them on wider scale etc.

"Standing up and being counted is the 1st step in the right direction" Quote by Red for more years than she can remember

18 Aug 05, 8:36 AM
x_zero_x
UK(DD), 10 yrs

iMachiavellian wrote:
Do you remember your first ever event or munch?

Well, i knew i was kinky and i went to a fetish night ran by friends of mine in Edinburgh, however they weren't overly fussy about who they let in, a lot of my 'nilla friends appeared and it put me off playing. i was 20 at the time. my 1st Munch was in the Holyrood Tavern Edinburgh, also about 8 years ago, maybe 7 and i remember being nervous, then realising that it was great that there was such a mixed bunch of folks.

member of the I.C weather watching club
"We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams"

18 Aug 05, 9:13 AM
Amaranth
UK(N), 7 yrs

my first event was the NWLF munch June 2004. i'd moved to Liverpool about half an hour before and Alliander dragged me along while my dad went off to look at the city *lol*

Hadn't really been practicing BDSM before i met Alliander but i've known i was a perve since i was about 6 and used to recreate kidnapping scenes from films with skipping rope and scarves *lol*

Alliander wasn't into it at all before i met Him, though He'd had friends that were so He knew a bit about it. i changed all that

When you lie, you have to remember shit, and I really, really hate remembering shit.

18 Aug 05, 9:33 AM
The_Playhouse
UK, 7 yrs
£

iMachiavellian wrote:

Do you remember your first ever event or munch?

Northern fetish fair in Manchester.

How old were you?

Just turned 18.

Did you know you were kinky?

Yes. At Uni had gone to rock group meetings where there was a guy who was fascinated by kink but scared and had only made it to Carnival of Souls before. He got me interested though and I began finding out what I could.

Did you know what the scene was about?

No. But was keen to find out.

Did you know anyone else in the scene or who was kinky?

Yes. Turning point for me was meeting a guy in a (rock)nightclub wearing a dog leash and asking if he was owned. Answer was no so I took over for the night. Had lots of fun and both decided to try and find out about BDSM. We are still great friends now.

Did they come along with you?

Yes - friend mentioned above (Lacrimosa on IC).

Was the opinion you had of what you might find the same as the reality?

Everyone was a lot friendlier, but also older than I had expected. Makes sense now but was not what I was expecting at the time.

Were you nervous?

The market was more an adventure than scary - an interesting shopping trip. But I was a bit nervous later in the year going to my first fetish party. Medieval fayre run by the Firm - but it was fantastic - loads of grown ups just having loads of fun and not worrying about society/appearances/daily stresses; just doing what they wated for a day and having a great time!

How many days / weeks / months or years did it take you to build up the courage to cross that threshold of your first event?

Took myself and Lacrimosa a while to get to first event but only because we had trouble finding out about them and getting to them (neither of us had a car). Once found out about ones we could get to there was no stopping us!

The Playhouse The home of three lifestyle Mistresses where the possibilities are endless... www.the-playhouse.co.uk

18 Aug 05, 11:57 AM
amaretti
6 yrs

strictlynormal wrote:

Plus, many (most??) subs tend to go out with older Dom(mes) so what happens to them if one is 35+?

oh dear - my Dom is younger than me and 'only' 35 - does this mean we have broken all the rules ?

I actually dont have a problem if someone wasnts to organise a munch for under 35s, if people want it, then it will be a sucess. but it does seem that as a way to include more people, excluding some seems a strange way of doing it.

Just as well the other munches dont go over 35 tho - I guess the exclusion thing only works one way huh?

18 Aug 05, 4:05 PM
MKane
9 yrs

Do you remember your first ever event or munch?

When I first found there was a 'scene' I went to a few club/events (Torture Garden, Rubberball, The Boat) around 1997-1998 before I found IRC and went to the #submission_uk munch in The White Horse, Soho, 1999.

How old were you? 40

Did you know you were kinky? Always had a sadistical sick perverted streak. Thought it was just how I was.

Did you know what the scene was about? I expected it to be different.

Did you know anyone else in the scene or who was kinky? Kinky Yes (not from the scene).

Did they come along with you? Yes to the clubs, but I was 'single' when I went to the munch.

Was the opinion you had of what you might find the same as the reality? At first. Until I got to see more.

Were you nervous? Not at all.

How many days / weeks / months or years did it take you to build up the courage to cross that threshold of your first event? Wasn't a case of building courage. As soon as I found out about clubs and munches, I went along.

--------------------------------------------------- -
"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose" Helen Keller (1880-1968)

Edited 18 Aug 05, 4:55 PM by MKane

18 Aug 05, 4:54 PM
EGOukd
6 yrs

i hadn't been to a munch til last year. my first event was Domina, alone and knowing nothing about the scene at all. had no idea it existed beyond TG and never been there. i knew i was kinky after 15 years in a D/s marriage but i was trying to explore my masochistic side and thought i had to sub to do that(that caused a few funny moments). an online friend told me about Domina and got me in. i got the address of some websites while i was there and at 36 i found my natural place in life, Domme. i wasn't scared for a second and wild horses couldn't have kept me away once i knew where to go. basically i'm very lucky i met who i did, when i did or i might have got started on a few nasty experiences.

i'd have to say i'm uneasy about munches that are selective but if they help someone who'd be put off otherwise they have to be a good thing. EGO xxx

iMachiavellian wrote:

All this crap about the U35 munch... can I get people to take a step back one second, and think.

Do you remember your first ever event or munch?

How old were you? Did you know you were kinky? Did you know what the scene was about? Did you know anyone else in the scene or who was kinky? Did they come along with you? Was the opinion you had of what you might find the same as the reality? Were you nervous? How many days / weeks / months or years did it take you to build up the courage to cross that threshold of your first event?

for me.. I was 31 - I'd known I was kinky for years but didn't realise the BDSM scene was infact where I wanted to be. I didn't have that much idea what the scene was about - I knew one other person who was kinky, they didn't come with me to the munch. I was nervous as hell and it taken me about 4 months to build up the courage to walk into the room. Heck it had taken me 3 months before I posted on a web board.

Now - those of you who know me, know I'm not some shy and retiring person. It still took me four months to make that step.

Give the organisers of U35 munchs a break. They're providing a friendly (or more likely to be preceived as friendly externally by newbies) entry point into the scene.

And I'd say over 50% of the new people who go to the u35 munch turn up at a club or bigger munch with 3 months of going.

Mike.

never get caught, its what you get done for!

18 Aug 05, 5:00 PM
MKane
9 yrs

I'm curious as to why such an exclusive munch is necessary? Do the under-35's feel out of place at an all-inclusive munch? Is it felt that older Dom/me's and subs are more predatory and/or intimidating for the sweet young things? hehe

18 Aug 05, 5:05 PM
doulos
UK(SW), 7 yrs

That is indeed how many women feel. Personally, I just support it for the sake of tit-for-tat vengeance against anyone who ever said I was too young or a fantasist

MKane wrote:
I'm curious as to why such an exclusive munch is necessary? Do the under-35's feel out of place at an all-inclusive munch? Is it felt that older Dom/me's and subs are more predatory and/or intimidating for the sweet young things? hehe

"Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches,
the last time I needed twenty stitches"
The masochism tango - Tom Lehrer

18 Aug 05, 5:14 PM
Slaanesh
7 yrs

Do you remember your first ever event or munch?

Yes - guildford munch - july 04

How old were you?

Did you know you were kinky?

Yes

Did you know what the scene was about?

I still dont

Did you know anyone else in the scene or who was kinky?

Only online.

Did they come along with you?

Yes i arranged to meet her there.

Was the opinion you had of what you might find the same as the reality?

Similar

Were you nervous?

No more than any other first meeting i figured 'scene' people were as human as everyone else

How many days / weeks / months or years did it take you to build up the courage to cross that threshold of your first event?

I dont feel courage is required anyone thinking of going to one..just go and be yourself..you probably dont yet realise how little you will stand out.

I have been to the U35 london munch , the people are good i may go again but dont like the venue to much. I think all munch should have a newbie focus anyway and every community fragments naturally anyway its human nature.

Edited 18 Aug 05, 5:15 PM by Slaanesh

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