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Memos and no replies (62)

This post is on the Other BDSM web board.

strictlynormal wrote:
Politeness costs nothing yet goes far.

The lack of even a basic reply speaks volumes about the person concerned. Especially if they're a sub.

I just get used to people not replying to my memos. although it would be nice to get some sort of reply, even if it was to say my profile is crap. I just think of it as "Thats life".

"there's nothing worse than trying to fist-jam a greasy crack"

25 Jul 05, 8:41 PM
Ms_Valentine
UK, 9 yrs

MistressIntrigueUK wrote:

Platinum_man wrote:

Thats the kind of Domme I would never touch with a barge pole. If thats what those Domme really think then why are they bothering at all??!?!

I believe, in fact I know from conversations that I have had with some ladies from here, that there are alot of bitter, lonely, even nasty females on here using BDSM somehow as a way to proove their own value and self-worth as women.

Whilst, oddly, men find it terribly hard indeed it is frightfully easy for most women to spot a 'bunny boiler' amongst her own gender. I have had wonderful, absolutely wonderful, long, thoughtful, detailed emails from so many male subs that I know the problem does not lie with them but I have spoken with several bunny boilers who advertise on this site as Dommes. I pity any man who ends up involved with them.

Every woman yearns to be desired and well thought of and, I suspect, if you are grossly over-weight, as many of the so-called Dominatrix on here appear to be, then perhaps the only way you can get that validation is by getting involved in the BDSM Scene, where the men greatly outnumber the women, and by using a fake Domme persona to rudely dismiss men who approach you?

Men often fail to understand, in fact nearly always fail to understand, the enormous validation of self-worth that ALL women get by being pursued, flirted with and desired. The ultimate thrill is to have a gorgeous hunk pursue and woo you only to be able to ultimately turn him down.

All girls, of all ages, love doing that but, I suspect, many of the women who advertise on here and who claim to be Domme do not get so approached in the vanilla World. Hence, seeking the validation that the majority of women get in their everyday vanilla lives they come to sites like this and claim to be active in BDSM when, in truth, they are not. It saddens me that so many genuine, seemingly honest, nice men get used by such women.

It does also concern me though why this appears to be a British issue. Looking at the profiles of females on bondage.com, be they singles or as part of couples, in both Canada and the United States you find very few claiming to be BBW let alone BBBWs yet, in the UK profiles, the vast majority appear to be BBWs.

I find it odd as, looking at another area of Human Sexuality, the UK British swinging sites seem to have very few BBWs and a high percentage of incredibly attractive looking British ladies - and, gosh, wonderful male hunks also - so, bringing me back to my first point, I think the issue of self-worth is why certain females are here and why, I feel, they are not genuine. This is why so many men never get replies.

Some of us larger women are actually quite decent, well adjusted, happy, friendly, people surrounded by subs, lovers, husbands, chums and lots of the good things in life. One's size does not determine one's attitude, decency or worth.

"Rich the treasure; sweet the pleasure; Sweet is pleasure after pain." John Dryden 1697

7 Jul 06, 4:35 PM
oxfordsub2005
UK, 6 yrs

Knowyourplace wrote:

duffnutt wrote:
Irritates when you send nice polite memos and recieve not so much as an aknowledgement, seems to me the height of bad manners, a simple thanks but no thanks will do. I always reply to polite memos whats everyones view? Why wouldn't you reply or do you always?

Hi there

the only time i do not reply is if the sender has a blank profile, other than that i always reply because good manners do not cost anything.

KYP x

I completely agree ... i always ensure a profile is showing and that my memo's are polite !

7 Jul 06, 6:07 PM
uktrucker
UK(CO), 9 yrs

Try going out to munches and clubs etc. Getting to know others and then you may have a hope in hell

There is a munch close to you! I know cos we go to it.lol

edit to add and a club that we also go to

Crepes on the 6th AUG at the LAM
ALso at the Lovtrix Fetish Festival on the 5th Aug.
http://www.londonalternativemarket.com/
http://www.lovetrix.co.uk/shop/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thepainloft/

7 Jul 06, 6:19 PM
kneelinggem
6 yrs

I always reply to polite ones.

I do not always receive a reply though, so I assume in these circumstances it is just for the best.

7 Jul 06, 6:30 PM
angelina1
UK(SP), 6 yrs

duffnutt wrote:

By the same token nowhere in your "ad" does it say please dont memo me. Additionally you could say contact with dommes only. Why join IC if you do not want contact? thought thats why IC exists

This seems to be one of the fundamental issues with this and some other sites. There is so much more about IC than just a personal site. Many people join here to learn and read, look at the UK listings or to get the listing emailed to you. It is not just a personals site and that is why it is so popular with so many people.

If you join IC with a view to it just being a personals site then you miss so much of what goes on here and you miss so much.

I also agree with the blank profile post. If I am contacted by anyone with a blank profile I do not respond as I assume it is someone that is not that interested in what goes on here.

7 Jul 06, 6:36 PM
saielle
6 yrs

I make it quite clear in my profile to which memo's I will and will not reply, so those who do not get a reply can hardly complain, can they?

But on a similar theme, how many times have I communicated with, spoke to, even met, Doms who, as long as there is the prospect of 'play' declare ours a lasting friendship, yet, as soon as it seems that a r/l D/s relationship is unlikely, they disappear faster than a genie, and from being a valued and rare soulmate I find myself treated more like the invisible woman! However, all is not lost, as this does confirm that I was correct in my decision.

7 Jul 06, 6:56 PM
Ariane
8 yrs

steffie wrote:

I've seen this discussed on other boards and the response from a significant number of Dommes was that male subs were basically dirt and beneath contempt and why should they reply to them at all.. they should "count themselves lucky" to be allowed to contact the Domme in the first place.

A lot of us here are nice people though, and we reply to memos if only to say 'read the bit on my profile where it says not available.'

Don't let a few rude people spoil your enjoyment.

Ariane

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~ Maya Angelou

7 Jul 06, 7:02 PM
Ariane
8 yrs

duffnutt wrote:

Thanks for the advice adding a picture of me would ensure no replies!

Not true. To quote from my own profile:

"I do require a photo. It's not a beauty contest, honestly. I read things from photos, and I like to have a visual impression of who I'm talking to. Trying to second guess what will attract me visually is a waste of time anyway, I don't go for what the magazines tell me to. And my photos are posted, it's only fair."

The photo is not because only the model looks have a snowball's chance, it just gives a feel of a real person. And what appeals to one person is very different from what appeals to another.

Ariane

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~ Maya Angelou

7 Jul 06, 7:09 PM
Ariane
8 yrs

MissToria wrote:
just a thought, but when you get junk mail through your door....do you reply to that with a courteous "thanks, but no thanks" too?

I'm afraid I just can't accept that analogy.

Junk mail is a sales pitch from a souless company. Yes there are people behind the business, but it's not personal and they only expect a marginal response.

A hopeful sub is a person with thoughts and feelings. Even the social misfits. A particularly rude memo could be classified as junk mail, but a genuine attempt is a person reaching out. A polite refusal is enough rejection to deal with without being made to feel as if they aren't even worth an answer.

Although when they ignore 'not available' messages on profiles they aren't entitled to as much sympathy.

Ariane

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." ~ Maya Angelou

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