FoneDom 101: In the cupboard

CruelLadyScorpio's profile

CruelLadyScorpio
Posted by CruelLadyScorpio on Fri 12 Mar 04, 2:45 AM

Well, ladies, in my ever-eager search to find a lucrative job that doesn't involve being told what to do by someone else, I hit on the idea of phone domination. Sign up with a company, work what hours I like, Ł12+ per hour for just talking to subs. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Wronnngggg! Nine out of ten calls were from blokes who were already wanking furiously, and justified fillyslave gleefully naming it 'Cru's Chat n Chug'. This meant the length of the call was short, and as pay is gauged on average hold-time, less pay. More significantly, the effort involved in creating a scene when all you have to go on is the voice of someone who talks in monosyllables, left me repeatedly with a raging headache after a mere twenty minutes and feeling like I'd done a three-hour scene with the sub equivalent of a hippo. I soon jacked it in.

However, as the whole thing is completely anonymous fantasy, the fun part is you get the >real< weirdos; I thought I'd seen some classics online, but when you consider that chatline operator newsgroups offer tips on sound effects for scat lovers and so forth ("Wet toilet paper wadded and dropped in the loo at the crucial moment sounds like, ewww, wet poopie, girls."), you kind of get the idea. I got one chap who wanted me to pretend to be an alien with long fingers like ET ("The bulbous, sticky pads on the ends wrapped round my cock ..."); another who wanted me to be a gay guy fucking his boyfriend while the caller pretended to be a gay woman having sex with a man for the first time in the same room ("Hang on while I write this down ..."); and another who wanted me to push my stiletto heel down inside his cock (sound of every man on IC crossing his legs). Anyway, this was my favourite:

Cru, brightly: Hello, you're through to Mistress X. What's your name?

Caller: (muffled noises)

Cru: Sorry darlin' I didn't catch that ... ?

Caller: Name's John. 'M in the cupboard

Cru: Ahhh ... you like being in an enclosed space ... ?

Caller: My boss makes me work an' put me here. In the cupboard.

Cru: So you're being exploited, yeh? Made to work and then locked away? Shackled and chained in a dark place?

Caller: I work, make money, and my boss takes it away. 'M in the cupboard.

(conversation continues in this circuitous vein for some time, with no indication of sexual element)

Cru, dimly thinking she's making progress: Arrr, right - am beginning to see what you see - you are being ruled. So you work like a bastard all week, and then someone has their hand out at the end, takes your money from you and locks you away in the cupboard?

System: The caller has hung up.

Cru, to the dead tone: Your boss may well lock you in the cupboard when he spots that premium-rate call on his bill ... or was that the whole point?

:: sighs wearily and logs off system ::

A fitting eulogy for another of Cru's abortive wizard wheezes.

(For intelligent and frequently hilarious comment from the coalface of sex chatlines, have a look at http://www.20six.co.uk/lipgloss )

Edited Fri 12 Mar 04, 2:53 AM by CruelLadyScorpio


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