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| CruelLadyScorpio |
on Mon 23 Feb 04, 6:58 PM to CruelLadyScorpio's blog.
I've read the posts about the apparently transient nature of BDSM relationships with interest, and much that is true has already been said. However, in my experience, those looking at it from both a vanilla point of view, and to a certain extent, from within the scene, often miss an underlying fundamental point:
As BDSMers, we're admitting up front that we are drawn to explore some quite primitive innate physical and psychological drives - sex, violence, dominance, submission and so on. With a vanilla relationship, depending on the characters of the partners, it can take months, years, to build up the trust to say 'I want to be tied up/kneel at your feet/be flogged', only to discover, all too frequently, your other half is repulsed or was thinking the same thing.
The rules of attraction in BDSM are generally the same as in vanilla, but in BDSM you already know your object is dom/sub/sadist/fetish/whatever. You've covered months of vanilla circling before the relationship is even started, so what remains is to find out if your characters and emotional needs are compatible. Something that can be established pretty quickly in the intense environment of a BDSM partnership. Hence the appearance of transience, lack of commitment or lack of endurance in the couples we see combining and parting with such rapidity. Also, again due to this intensity, break-ups are often noisy, passionate and rancorous, frequently sucking bystanders into the maelstrom. Happily, however, when it does work, it really works, and there are fewer nasty surprises down the line!
I forget the exact quotation, but it's something like: "The flame that burns the brightest burns half as long." The flame of a new BDSM relationship is like that, and it is akin to the flame of genius; with the wrong fuel it will flare up swiftly and die, but with the right combination, it endures, and does so forever.
Edited Mon 23 Feb 04, 7:14 PM by CruelLadyScorpio
