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| CruelLadyScorpio |
on Fri 30 Aug 02, 8:13 PM to CruelLadyScorpio's blog.
Thanks to Gentleman Master, the dratted drinks cabinet is back - just when I thought I'd finally got rid of it. I was going to tell the landlord someone had stolen it when I went out and left the front door open with a sign on it saying 'Steal This First'. Years have passed and every stick of furniture in the place has fallen to bits and been replaced, but it remains - a permanent presence.
I ask the landlord every six months to enquire among his other tenants whether someone would like it - still no takers after eight years.
I draped a bedspread over it and pretended it was a table ... the cloth slipped off because it's so shiny
I tried going at it with the jigsaw and blunted three blades
::lip wobbles::
I wedged it on it's side in the broom cupboard. It kept falling against the door, as if it was trying to get out ...
::lump forms in throat::
I tried sanding it so I could do something rather super with paint effects. Ever tried sanding high-gloss melamine? The sander slipped off and took a chunk out of my thigh
::eyes well up with glistening tears::
A year ago the man in B&Q said the tin of primer he sold me would allow me to paint It ... the primer is still wet and every item of clothing bears dabs of it
::eyes widen with effort to retain tears::
I've put It in the boxroom and I use It to store bedlinen now, which It hates, because every time I go to get a pillowcase, the ratchet on the hinge slips and the the flap cracks me on the wrist or It seizes the pillowcase and rips it. Sometimes at night the boxroom door pops open, and I know It's reminding me; I can feel It's rage, It's resentment. I can feel It watching me ... a presence, waiting, waiting ...
::single tear escapes and courses down cheek::
And people wonder why I drink ... or maybe it's the Guinness that makes me imagine It's conscious ... did I drink before I came here? Don't remember ... or maybe the drinks cabinet is making me think it's the Guinness ...
::tears flow faster, forming pool on desk::
I think I need a drink ...
::silent tears fall unchecked into Guinness glass::
***'Induce Guilt in maleDoms' by CLS is now available in paperback from all good bookshops, price £5.99. First purchaser gets a FREE drinks cabinet!!! HURRY! Only while stocks last!!!***
Edited Fri 30 Aug 02, 8:30 PM by CruelLadyScorpio
