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| darkdollie |
Its not often i do a serious post but i feel in need of a bit of clarity and writing this down may help.
Anyone that really knows me will be aware that i am painfully shy (despite being a gobby bitch on the boards) and take a while to get comfortable with people. Once i am though then you can't shut me up 
The past few days have been a turning point for me as i've been to the munch and even stayed for the party and managed to socialise with new people. Fair enough at the party i spent a lot of the time under the table drinking from a bucket, which was fine by me as i didn't have to face anyone and thats the way i like it. Thing is i knew it couldn't last for long and soon i was taken out.
Managed to realise today just how much of a humiliation junkie i am. Its easy to do as stick me in front of people looking at me and ask me personal questions and i lose all sense. I was trying to figure this out as i really do HATE it and can't get this through to people enough, especially public exposure. When made to take off clothing you will find me huddled up trying to cover anything i can and hide from the world unless made to do otherwise. Which is what i figured. I just need that push. I will never enjoy it, as such, but i love what it does to me which just seems to make it worse. I crave this treatment and the more degrading it is the more it does to me and the more submissive i become. Its like all dignity is stripped away. Its the only time i will space as pain, by itself is never enough to get me there and i very rarely get to that spaced out stage. Once i'm there though i just need to be pushed that little bit further and that little bit more extreme.
If anybody is actually interested you can read my other blog on my nappy wearing punishment and the rest of the night but i never go into detail as i can't explain the head trip i get taken on so don't even want to try, as it makes it sound trivial which to me, these things never are.
Anyway as the saying goes, thats all folks.
be x
