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| Brindle |
on Fri 27 May 05, 9:05 PM to Brindle's blog.
1) Take one small, blonde dog that does not know how to wash her armpits.
2) Confirm via various auditory tests that said dog is completely minging.
3) Do initial health/sanity checks and confirm that said dog forgot to ask to have brain removed from shrink wrap prior to insertion and is as dim as one suspected.
4) Arrange safe call incase said dog suddenly burst the shrink warp on said brain and does a runner/bites you/gets HER shampoo in YOUR eyes/wrecks the bathroom, runs off with the sausages, kills next doors cat and breeds up a litter of puppies from hell.
5) Entice beautiful but minging and rather stupid dog into the bathroom with a couple of anchovies, two dates, an olive and a smear of peanut butter.
6) Chase small dog around small bathroom.
7) Sit on the loo, have a fag, take breather and resolve not to attempt this on one's own again.
8) Wrestle small but slightly panic stricken dog to the ground, removing collar in process and dump her triumphantly in the bath.
9) Squirt shampoo all over small dog.
10) Realise that there wasn't enough shampoo left in the bottle and debate going downstairs to get the washing-up liquid.
11) Decide to sod it and get it over with.
12) Whisper words of comfort, tenderness, encouragement and praise to the now rater soggy dog. For example:- "Stay the F*^K still!", or you could try" NO! Don't shake NOW!". Also popular are "Arrrrrggghhhh!' and "Well if you TRY and jump out, what do you expect?"
13) Get slightly worried about the saddened demenour, soulful puppy dog eyes, tremors, whimpers and consequently develop a huge guilt complex.
14) Allow small dog to cover you in shampoo, bite the shower head, shake water all over you and then attempt to jump into your arms (soaking you from head to foot) when getting out of the bath as compensation for said guilt complex.
15) Chase small dim dog around the bathroom with a towel.
16) Give up and decide to allow the rest of the house to get wet....
17) Collapse in front of PC with a beer, a small wet cuddle slut alternately beside you or trying to climb onto your lap, a banana skin and a supply of Bonios to hand..
*phew*
Edited Fri 27 May 05, 9:07 PM by Brindle
| 27 May 05, 11:53 PM The_Joker 7 yrs |
Bloody dogs. Mind you, I tried giving a cat a bath once...that was fun. A man in the dark in the picture frame,so mystic and soulful. | |
| 28 May 05, 5:10 PM MrHoppy UK(G), 7 yrs |
Damn! I was just about to say that. Curses. Foiled again! In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed man still trips over things if he is clumsy! |
