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Posted by sadistical
on Tue 24 May 05, 8:39 PM to sadistical's blog.
Recently I've been flirting/teasing a friend and we've ended up in a strange situation.
She gets off on being verbally abused, in a very specific way.
Verbal humiliation is usually something that I enjoy, all the common "degrading" names, and terms come flying out. I can call somebody "worthless" and etc.
Right now I'm a little concerned though, she is black, and enjoys being racially abused.
I find this both incredibly sexy, and also quite disturbing.
After being told for years that the "N word" is bad and wrong, using it repeatedly in a derogitory fashion to her face was actually very difficult at first.
Now I'm doing it all the time, and I admit I'm enjoying it.
The very fact that I'm questioning this enjoyment probably makes me OK, but I'm having one of those "Am I really racist" moments - I'm enjoying it, she's enjoying it, I've never acted in a racist fashion in my life.
Yet I'm troubled that I'm enjoying it, and this conflict isn't something that I'm expressing terribly well, or feeling happy about.
It reminds me of my youth where I had the conflict "I love women, but I still want to hurt them". That was resolved eventually when I realised I was normal, and was pretty much a well-adjusted sadist type.
*ugh*
Comments appreciated .. although I realise this is probably the least well written entry I've ever made here, probably because I'm still a little confused.
I guess I should be happy that I'm doing this racial abuse only on her express request - and that we're both enjoying it. I'm not going to suddenly start calling random people I meet in the street N*****s, nor am I going to magically become racist.
I'm not really sure why I'm unhappy either - because at the time I enjoy it. Much like I've enjoyed other "edgey" play involving rape-play and kidnapping.
| 24 May 05, 9:22 PM Chastiser UK, 12 yrs |
to start with the end first, im sure that you are feeling guilty about this, as most of us under the age of 50 have pretty much been brought up to know that this is not a good way of treating people. although there are those that are racist, most i feel are balanced enough and have been brought up to not be so. this may however bring sommat to the table re the 'good' feeling it brings. as in, doing sommat you shouldnt be. excitement about being able to do this. not cos u are a secret racist, but, that you are doing sommat you shouldnt. a bit like knicking cookies from the jar once you have been told no! she, may be getting off on the humiliation of it all. and perhaps the verbal abuse is just her way, as opposed to physical abuse. using the word abuse here as an act and not as sommat wrong by the way. Mike Let Me unchain your mind and your sexuality will follow. www.chastisersworld.com/auction The Kink Friendly Auction site that is free to buyer and seller. | |
| 25 May 05, 2:46 PM MrHoppy UK(G), 7 yrs |
A word, regardless of how offensive it may be considered in the public domain, is just a word. No-one was ever killed or injured by an epithet to the lower abdomen. Recent desires to create a perfect universe have removed certain words from common usage, but it has never been the words in themselves that are at fault. We all know that it is in the manner and intention of delivery that the problem occurs. Were you to be using the word in question to attack rather than please, there would be an issue in yourself to address. Given the circumstances, it seems that you are working towards mutual pleasure. Where's the problem? In the kingdom of the blind the one eyed man still trips over things if he is clumsy! | |
| 25 May 05, 6:24 PM nohmask US, 6 yrs |
I think it's a question of context. Friends/lovers/family can call me lots of things in private conversation that would result in me feeding someone their teeth if said in public or by someone without permission. In your context, permission has obviously been given. |
