Posted by Smartarse
on Sat 21 May 05, 1:44 AM to Smartarse's blog.
Tonight I was rejected. Sure. It happens. Though it hasn't happened to me for a while. And it doesn't hurt like it used to. I can laugh it off but it still leaves me feeling as if something has taken a chunk out of me. But that's not why I'm blogging.
The rejection reminded me I have a friend. Someone I used to turn to when I was feeling a bit down or just wanted to share some news. I made my friend here on IC and we were very close for a while. Then she decided IC wasn't for her, like it was a bad thing or not healthy to be on here. So she left and has gone somewhere else where she can blog and read blogs which are more vanilla.
In recent weeks she chats to me less and less. She didn't bother to answer my last e-mail. She no longer signs in to IC. It's been a gradual cooling down and I've felt her slipping away. I didn't worry about it. In fact I thought it was a good thing. I thought she was getting over her problems and simply didn't need my thoughts or friendship any more.
Tonight, when I missed her, I went to see what my friend had been blogging and was horrified to find none of the profound thought provoking content she used to post on IC. Instead I found evidence of her falling further into unhealthy and self destructive habits.
I feel sad I didn't fight harder for this friendship. I could maybe have helped my friend turn her life around but now I feel she is lost to me.
This feels like a further rejection. A stealthy one, but a rejection none the less. A rejection I can't laugh off.
| 21 May 05, 2:48 AM Jezzebelle UK, 10 yrs  |
Sometimes we just have to let people go... If they are true friends they will come back to you... J x Before any word leaves your mouth it must be approved by the three gatekeepers; | |
| 21 May 05, 2:56 AM Northern_Phoenix UK, 8 yrs |
I know that's seen as something as a cliche of a thing to say, but she's right you know. And I speak from experience, trust me Fool enough to almost be it, Cool enough to not quite see it, Edited 21 May 05, 3:02 AM by Northern_Phoenix | |
| 21 May 05, 9:34 AM fen_fatale UK(CB), 8 yrs |
In a situation like this, only she could help herself hun, fighting harder for the friendship would only of led to her running further and harder away. Her falling into these habits is not something you would have been able to do anything about. The best thing to do is to email her one more time i think, saying you have read her blogs, and that you still care for her and about what she does with her life, and that you will always be there for her, and that one day if she ever feels she needs someone, that she can always turn to you. Give them their wings and let them fly away, if they were yours... they will fly back to you. Semper in faecibus, Sumus sole, Profundum variat. | |
| 21 May 05, 10:30 AM alexandraa UK(NW), 8 yrs |
Friendship like any relationship is a 2 way street. There are times when you have to give more than you receive and there are times when your friends give more to you than they receive back from you. Neverthless over time there needs to be balance. Maybe this is a time when your friend needs support from you without giving anything back to you. When times are bad its hard to reply to emails or want to chat to people on IM. You feel drained and responding to people can drain you more. Or maybe it's simply time to move on from each other. The choice as they say is yours.
Be careful what you wish for | |
| 21 May 05, 12:06 PM Smartarse UK(CM), 7 yrs |
Thanks folks. Your advice - as ever - is spot on. Daylight, 8 hours sleep and the benefit of your advice has given me perspective. The real problem here is my own craving, in a moment of weakness, for the intimate friendship I no longer have. I guess I innocently thought it would last forever. It's not my place to judge my friend's life or try to influence how she chooses to live it. Perhaps once, but not now. By even mentioning it I'm just creating a point of conflict. I shall takes Fen's advice and write her another e-mail expressing my continuing friendship and offering my support. In terms of the friendship being a two way street - I don't think we spent more time going in one direction than the other, but maybe it felt differently to my friend. That's something we'll need to discuss. *** update - I've now spoken to my friend. She's having a difficult time at the moment. Her way of dealing with difficult times is to withdraw. I want her to know that I understand that and, although I'd like the situation to be different, I shall respect her wishes. To her I say: I and your other friends are here when and if you need us. xx
And she said this had given her the first laugh she'd had in a few days..
smartarse (formerly alex_10m) Edited 21 May 05, 3:35 PM by Smartarse | |
| 22 May 05, 4:40 AM bruceMPMm UK, 7 yrs |
bruce (M_P (Mm)). |
