Posted by Smartarse
on Tue 17 May 05, 1:55 AM to Smartarse's blog.
When we got to the city hospital we were immediately shown into a room and asked to wait. Mai waited until the receptionist had left and then whispered 'he's died.' Being a nurse she'd guessed. I've been in that situation a few times before and I knew she was right. The room they had shown us into seemed to be a purpose built facility for delivering bad news to relatives. It had an ensuite bathroom, tea making facilities and windowless attached room for viewing your departed loved one. It was named the Holland Suite - I can't think why, unless it's because it's for when people have popped their clogs.
Mai and I sat and absorbed the bad news, considered the repercussions.
There were the repercussions for us: stranded in Birmingham, unable to go home with our friend or in his car. Mai' s keys were locked in it so she couldn't get in when she got home.
Then there were the repercussions for our friend's relatives. I asked Mai if he was 'out' to his family. Apparently not. It was going to be difficult explaining to them what he was doing in Birmingham dressed in leather with a couple of friends not quite in his age group and in a gay night club. I sincerely hope that his family will not be hurt or upset by the questions that are likely to arise from this. Perhaps they will already know some things.
I think this a similar problem to something discussed in mirari's blog a while back:
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/weblogs/mirari/...
This is something I have thought about for a long time. My interest in BDSM was hidden for years. Nobody knew. I was petrified of being run over by a bus and for some of my stuff being found. Now I have told some friends, blogged about it publically and written an explanation in my journal. It might still shock my family but I'm no longer ashamed of it. I don't tell them now simply because it's none of their business.
Unfortunately, to die, have a serious accident while on the way to or from an event, or become unwell and have to be admitted to hospital is almost a certain way to be 'outed.' For those not 'out' this is something that perhaps should be considered. I don't know what actions could be taken. Perhaps a trusted friend in the lifestyle could be nominated as next of kin and asked to handle everything with discretion.
| 17 May 05, 6:51 AM kikkiMM UK, 9 yrs |
This was precisely the reason MM and I decided to tell my sister and her husband about our life style. Our daughters know all about it but we felt it unreasonable and not very suitable to have them disposing of a dungeon full of equipment and very personal stuff. My sis and husband were brilliant. They said they felt honoured that we could share this side of our life with them and have promised to handle everything should the need ever arise. warm wishes kikki xx kikki{MM} "Callipygian ideal" according to MM. | |
| 17 May 05, 9:25 AM FetishFairy UK(S), 10 yrs |
It's definatley a tricky situation. When my best friend died some 19 months ago she left only young children as family, 2 teenagers and a younger child. They knew nothing of their mothers 'alternative' lifestyle and I wanted to save them from any embarrasment or hurt. I told the elder daughter that she may find some 'things' in her mothers room that belonged to me. I said her mum was saving them for me so my children didn't find them. When I helped them clear her house it made it so much easier. Everytime one of them found a flogger or a pair of cuffs they just laughed and said "here's another of your 'things' Sam!" They did ask me if their mum was into 'all that kind of stuff' but I just said "no". I didn't want the memory of their mum tainted with ideas of things they didn't really understand. I have often thought of writing a letter to my family (my mother I guess) saying there is a box of 'things' that they may just want to dispose of without looking at should I suddenly not be here anymore. This could be held until the appropriate time. My younger brother does know all about it so I guess at least he is on side. It would be such a shock to suddenly find all kinds of equipment and wonder what on earth it is all about. A simple explaination would maybe put their minds at ease so they knew everything was consensual etc etc. Things like this certainly make you think don't they? My ususal self is a very unusual self and don't you forget that! | |
| 17 May 05, 11:02 AM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs  |
my keys are still locked in the car, thankgod my landlord is a friend and had a spare set. Because when he died his property became possesions of the hospital and were unable to get his perosnal affects. Which i knew was going to be the case there is also a bag full of lapel badges and literature in the car, which i told the family were mine. i was very diplomatic when they asked me what we were doing there, just said we were at a fair. I know that he has a fwe items at home but nothing i can do about that. I only know to well how people react when faced with the lifestyle after someone dies. i had the army covering it all up when O died, the padre helped me take down my cage, and hide the toys that we had on the walls etc. When moving my stuff back to the uk, the guys that helped me, were under strict orders not to discuss anything of what they see with anyone else. so much for keeping it quiet when they told my parents. But have also learnt a lesson over going to BBB etc and thats to take some nilla clothing with me usually i don't bother. luckily i had a nilla skirt with me and after much running around a t shirt was found for me. I have an agreement with ,y landlord that in the event of my death he will come and clear out all the toys etc, before anyone else. even though i'm out to my family there is no need to shove it in their faces. | |
| 17 May 05, 11:48 PM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs |
i do have to add on this Stewarts family son and daughter knew of his lifestyle. he was quite open about it. His ex wife found out yesterday when she read an email. Ie the one i sent to my munch group. which was basically a copy of what i wrote on here with a few bits taken out.
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