Posted by daitchen on Thu 12 May 05, 3:41 PM to daitchen's blog.
Two months since my last weblog. A lot has been happening in that time, so much that I've had no energy to spare to look back and consider what has led up to this point.
When we put our experiences into words we cast our perceptions into a fixed mould that is hard to alter in retrospect - I mean in our own minds, not simply a matter of pressing "Edit" here on IC! For me to write about what happened last year after R and I stopped playing is difficult, because some days I see it one way, and others another. I don't want to hurt the other people involved, or dismiss what we did together as if they were just some sort of parade of rejects - in the manner of that scene in the film "The Secretary" where she goes through half a dozen no-hopers in as many seconds, all of them with decidedly unappealing characteristics!
But... the fact remains it didn't work out with them.
First there was the delectable prodomme and her live-in Dom who I saw doing needle and breath play at a club one night. I was amazed at how she reacted to the pain - so sensuously. And he really knew what he was doing, and was tall, fit and presentable to boot. Imagine my delight when a friend mentioned that they were looking for another sub to play with, not to mention my surprise at myself promptly making them an offer, which was just as promptly accepted.
I had hardly any idea back then that such a thing as a prodomme existed, but when I saw their playroom/dungeon - then I started to realise just how much difference equipment and the knowledge to use it skilfully can make.
We played for maybe four or five hours, most of the time with me and her tied together or in mirroring positions next to each other, easy for him to keep an eye on and interact with. It seemed to work really well, and all of us agreed to meet again soon for more.
But the next time he changed tactics, and varied what he was doing to us so that for some of the time I was left while he concentrated on her, and vice versa. I didn't mind, but it seems to have disturbed him that a few little things went amiss, such as the gag coming loose in my mouth, without him immediately noticing and getting back in complete control. The scene came to an end when he sprayed something on my pussy that burnt so much that we all got alarmed. As a medic it's surprising he didn't realise the effect it would have - apparently it was some sort of disinfectant, and the next thing he had planned after that was to have been a catheter. Maybe just as well for me that we stopped there...
A couple of days later he told me that he wasn't happy about not being able to give full attention to us both, and so didn't want to play again. At first I accepted this, though regretfully, at face value. But I couldn't quite dismiss from my mind the feeling that there was more to it, that there might have been other reasons left unsaid.
Surely he should have been experienced enough to realise that playing with two subs would mean he couldn't focus totally all the time on each of us as he could with just one? Could the fact that I was attracted to him a bit more than I was to her have something to do with it? Insecurity there somewhere? I did find her attractive, too, though, and would happily enough have subbed to her and hopefully given her pleasure, but neither of them told me to, and I didn't feel it was my place, really - that is, when I could move at all!
So, that ended. I was sad, more so than I had anticipated. I am embarrased to admit that I showed my hurt by blurting out a petulant "don't bother" when she offered to see me to my front door, because it seemed like an empty gesture of concern that sat awkwardly with their actual rejection of me. I instantly regretted my remark and soon apologised for it - but the apology wasn't really accepted. The next time we met in public they turned a cold shoulder to me. As I still liked them both,I found this upsetting.
But R. was great, letting me tell him the whole story, listening patiently and giving me advice and sympathetic support when I most needed it. He acted like an informal mentor, I suppose.
What did I learn from that? A lot about techniques and possibilities, of course. The main thing, though, is my awareness that I do get attached to people I play with, and that if I ever play with another Dom and his sub again, it will be with people who I am absolutely sure know the psychological territory very well.
| 12 May 05, 10:56 PM daitchen UK(SE), 9 yrs |
Yes... but in this case it wasn't quite like that. I was attracted (though not equally) by both of them as individuals - and also by them as a couple, having watched and admired the way they played together. I think that it is different where someone is just interested in playing with one person who already has a full-time relationship going with someone else. Edited 11 Jun 08, 7:22 PM by daitchen | |
| 13 May 05, 2:38 AM Fairenough UK(HA), 8 yrs  |
That old 'no strings sex trap' huh! I liken it to the after boozer kebab thang, after a skinful in the pub. Seemed like a good idea at chucking out time. Most have been there......several times some of us <blush> Maybe these times out in the wilderness are every bit as educational to us, and certainly heighten the anticipation as the next 'connection' comes into view. "Right! Gonna make a real good go of this one." Might be the pledge? "No fuck ups and loads of communication this time too. Maybe even a dash or two of committment, who knows."
Avoid kebabs, go for something more wholesome.....you know you're worth it Lovely blogg xxx "Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose" Edited 13 May 05, 12:56 PM by Fairenough | |
| 13 May 05, 8:47 PM daitchen UK(SE), 9 yrs |
Thanks for the kind words and dietary advice... as it happens I'm just off to whip up some falafel pittas with salad and tahini sauce for dinner! It's not quite so easy to assess the energy/fibre etc. of a prospective partner as it is to count food calories, though!
All the best to you Fairenough, and thanks again for your encouragement to me to carry on blogging - I will..
 Edited 13 May 05, 8:49 PM by daitchen |
