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| doulos |
...Is a killer. If I had dropped on the TG website just a few hours earlier to book online, this weekend would have looked quite a bit different and may have involved a lot more torture. Oh well, I suppose one can get too involved in the clubbing scene. It certainly has an addictive quality. Three months since first attending Subversion and now I feel a weekend is somehow lacking if I don't have some S&M involved.
Perhaps this was because of my last experience, just 1 week ago at The Fridge under the Subversion banner. After having my butt experimented on by a friend of mine who wanted to try out some of her new implements, I was nicely warmed up and high for another play with the delightful Domme from last month. An expansion on that play, this time I was much more tightly restrained and in some beautifully crafted rope knots at that. Then I was wrapped in clingfilm and left to struggle while it was decided what was to be done to me. My nipples were tortured, hot wax was carefully applied to every sensitive part of my body, but most importantly my mind felt dissolved by the smile on the Domme's lips. I felt my will and direction lessen, I lost my feeling of agency and considered myself more of a passive object, a part controlled by another. This seems to me what my submission is all about.
So I suppose there are worse faults to have in a male sub than indecision. It is difficult being drawn between the "scene", the family, the vanilla friends, and a degree. But the "scene" was always an important part of me, and now it is an important part of my life.
