Posted by melody_A
on Wed 23 Mar 05, 7:44 PM to melody_A's blog.
A person in my close family works as a carer. About 18 months ago, this person was accused of some inappropriate behaviour towards one of the people in their care. At the time, an internal investigation was held and it was found that there was insufficient evidence to prove the allegation.
Today this person spoke to me on the phone. They have been suspended on a similar allegation. This person insists they are innocent.
The terrible thing is, that I'm not so sure. I wasn't entirely surprised when they told me and found it hard to feign shock and indignation.
At the moment, I'm tearing myself to pieces. How dare I condemn (albeit silently) when all I have to go on, is my gut feeling? Should you take the word of a person whom you love and respect very much? Or go with that inner voice that seldom is wrong?
I feel terrible that I doubt at all – that makes me such a terrible person.
This person trusts me implicitly. Don't they deserve the same?
The only other time I've felt like this; is when it finally dawned on me that my ex-husband was a compulsive liar; a fact I'd chosen to ignore for years.
| 23 Mar 05, 7:57 PM kikkiMM UK, 8 yrs |
Unfortunately this is common in this industry Mel. All you can do is maintain your trust with this person as far as being an ear goes. If and when anything is proved, then comes your dilemma in how to handle the situation. Hope you don't have to darling, hugs kikki xxx kikki{MM} "I finally got it all together...then I forgot where I put it!" | |
| 23 Mar 05, 8:14 PM melody_A UK, 8 yrs |
My problem is that my inner voice is telling me NOT to trust this person; and because of that I feel so wretched. x | |
| 23 Mar 05, 8:24 PM Mrs_EStim UK(WC), 8 yrs |
All I can suggest is trust your instoncts, only you know whats the truth about this person. If you feel uncomfortable then talk to them Caz
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| 23 Mar 05, 8:28 PM goodghirl UK, 8 yrs  |
I really think in a situation like this you need to trust your instincts they are your best friend. Do what you feel is right that doesn't make you a bad person. hugsss gg x Have you ever stopped eating after the 1st bite, so you'd remember the taste forever? | |
| 23 Mar 05, 8:53 PM sunfire UK, 6 yrs |
Hi Melody - it sounds like a terrible situation to be in. I guess part of the question is whether you feel like you would still respect and love them if the allegations are true? (Although it sounds to me like you're pretty convinced they are.) Of course you don't automatically stop loving someone just bc they do something bad but whether you can respect them or not is a different matter... It also sounds like you hate lying to them (& yourself?). Maybe if you could dcide whether you could still be a part of their life if the allegations are true then that would help you decide what to do. I mean, if you think you could be, then you could maybe confront them with it. Say what you believe but tell them you'll still be there for them. Of course the problem with that would be if they aren't true... Maybe you should hold fire on that. But I think working out your own feelings about the allegations in question might clarify things a bit. Good luck. I really hope things become clearer for you. Shit situation xox Edited 23 Mar 05, 8:54 PM by sunfire | |
| 23 Mar 05, 10:10 PM mrs_whipkick UK(CB), 8 yrs |
we have a saying in this country innocent til proven guilty, but instincts are usually right esp the female instinct, and as this is the second time you have to think they must be doing something to get accused twice. no smoke without fire and all that.
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| 23 Mar 05, 10:54 PM Jezzebelle UK, 10 yrs |
Trust your instinct, your intial reaction.. Hugs J x Before any word leaves your mouth it must be approved by the three gatekeepers. The first will ask: "Is it true?" The second will ask: "Is it necessary?" The third will ask: "Is it kind?" Anon | |
| 24 Mar 05, 1:23 AM MisterBear UK(WA), 8 yrs  |
Well gut feelings can be based upon facts that the mind has already worked out but just hasn't got round to informing you about. Maybe you just need to spend some time trying to figure out what it is about this person that is causing this gut feeling. Have you seen them behaving in a way that suggests they could be guilty? Have they told you a story where you thought they should be compassionate and they have told you it as a joke? If you can figure out the cause of the gut feeling then maybe you will find evidence to back up that feeling. Otherwise all I can suggest is trying to keep neutral. Give them the benefit of the doubt and listen to what they say, but keep an open mind about it all and just wait until the investigation is over. If you give them support now, you can always disown them later if they did wrong. If you spurn them and then they are cleared then you might not be able to repair the damage. As for feeling bad, then as much as I want to tell you not to, it's not that simple. On one side you have a gut feeling telling you that something is wrong and on the other you have family loyalty. Try and detach yourself from this as much as possible to limit the emotional damage to yourself and hope for the best. All the best bear (o:3 "Love isn't just a feeling, it's shaving your balls" "Firstly, sir, I reasoned that if I destroyed the universe all in one go no one would know," "Ahh Nibbles, chew through my ball sack" | |
| 24 Mar 05, 7:07 PM melody_A UK, 8 yrs |
Thanks, guys and gals. You all said what I was thinking. Big Hugs (although I'm usually a non-believer) Mel xx |
