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| SirIan |
on Mon 9 Dec 02, 4:19 PM to SirIan's blog.
It concerns me that a number of reports still come in of so-called Masters abusing their submissives, ignoring pre-agreed limits or generally losing control of themselves. Some to be so overwhelmed that they have finally found someone to meet after 2000 replies that they seem to think they have to cram every idea & fantasy they have ever had into one meeting as they may never have another chance.
The lady in question might be very inexperienced and will almost certainly be scared off for life. I have personally known three ladies with this experience, fortunately two of them had the courage to try again.
How does a lady prevent this? Difficult, but make sure all the basic safety rules are followed with safe words and silent alarms. Make sure the Master is aware the silent alarm. Set a low limit to begin with and amke sure that both people know exactly what these means. In my experience some ladies can be there own worst enemy. When I have mentioned safe words I have been told 'I don't want one I just want to see how far you will push me' That is a recipe for disaster and very hard for a Master to judge. Almost a no-win situation.
I always prefer to start very slowly, always leaving the lady feeling she could have handled much more. It far easier to speed up next time than go too far at a first meeting and destroy trust forever. I would rather lose a lady for not being strict enough than being too hard. With the first at least she is likely to look for someone else.
It takes time to get to know a submissive, often they themselves do not know what they want. You cannot achieve that in one session. It will take longer before you both really start to ring each other's bells!
Edited Mon 9 Dec 02, 4:35 PM by SirIan
