This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| Thu 10 Mar 05, 12:31 PM effie 12 yrs  |
Something that's always surprised me about the BDSM scene is that people who explore alternative lifestyles can often be remarkably puritanical. Time and again I hear people saying 'It's not about sex' or 'I'm not a player, I'm serious about this'. I don't get it. People sometimes ask me what my nick means ... it's short for euphoria, and that pretty much sums up my approach. For me it's always been about pleasure and sensations and I've never understood the concepts of punishment or 'taking it'. I don't 'take' anything, if I don't enjoy something I don't do it, simple as that. And it is very much about sex. I also see nothing wrong with enhancing a pleasurable experience with alcohol or other recreational drugs ... yes I know people are going to come up with 'safe and sane' objections to this but setting those issues aside, why do so many BDSMers seem to have such a downer on pure hedonism ? I can't be the only thrill-seeker here so why do we hear so little from the libertines amongst us ? Do they feel belittled and intimidated by the oh-so-serious D/s purists ? Oh and the F word is Fun, by the way. | |
| 10 Mar 05, 12:43 PM BethTVMistress UK, 10 yrs |
To me, what ever floats your boat as long as it between consenting adults. Risk is in everything, I like to minimise it as much as possible, but that's why I'd neve ride a motor bike! "Safe"? What is safe for a healthcare professional is not safe for me, "Sane", when you have worked out what that means please tell me, but there is no confusion, no compromise over consentual. BethTVMistress | |
| 10 Mar 05, 5:21 PM Hokum80 12 yrs |
If it works for you and the people you are with, then do it and enjoy it. I can't remember who said it first but "what is right for you may not be right for others". | |
| 17 Mar 05, 8:42 AM ray461000 7 yrs |
I'm sure Effie isn't the only thrill-seeker here! Hedonism is surely what this is all about. And not only receiving thrills but giving them, which often provides you with an even greater buzz. I too can't understand why some people get so 'serious' about it. I can only think that they are the same kind of people that you meet in other walks of life, those that think they know better than others and treat the rest of us like children. Well, I don't mind them really. I'll be like a child (Jesus said something about that!) and carry on playing and having fun! Ray | |
| 21 Mar 05, 11:12 AM woodsprite 8 yrs |
It sounds as though the discipline/punishment side of BDSM is not for you, but it certainly is part of the heady thrill and excitement, and ultimately deep satisfaction, that many submissives and/or masochists get from a D/s relationship. Punishment (in BDSM terms) is a broad concept - it ranges from lighthearted "thrill" spankings and role play through to serious discipline. Punishment is not always physical, either. Speaking for myself, lighthearted punishment is thrilling and I love it, particularly if I'm taken close to a limit. Serious punishment by definition is not an enjoyable experience, but for me it is an essential part of the overall D/s relationship and if it is omitted altogether, I will pine for it. Just the way I'm wired. I think for me, "taking it" is an aspect of the act of submission. sprite Edited 21 Mar 05, 11:40 AM by woodsprite | |
| 21 Mar 05, 11:31 AM effie 12 yrs |
Any idea why this is, though ? What do you think they're afraid of ?
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| 21 Mar 05, 12:19 PM Jay_kes UK(S), 10 yrs |
It's all about what works for those involved. Some aspects of the scene/life/lifestyle (call it what you will), are sexual, others are not.
The pleasure for some, only comes from including sex in a scene, whilst others enjoy that and/or the BDSM side separately. I am one of those who decribes BDSM as non sexual. This is because, for me, it doesn't NEED to contain any sexual activity. Sometimes sex or sexual touching is included and that's great. However, I and the people I play with, do not need there to be any sex involved to enjoy the BDSM side. Does that make me a 'D/s purist'? I think not. We are all different and want different things. There is no reason why we shouldn't all go for what we want and get along well with those who want different things. I'm quite sure that the buzz I get from a non sex scene, is still related to the sexual pleasure I get when sex is involved. (although it is also similar to the buzz I get from a good photographic shoot!) By the way, whilst the F word can be fun, it can also be annoying or offensive. When it's used is the key I beleive, not using it when it will annoy or offend shows respect for others around us. Edited 21 Mar 05, 12:21 PM by Jay_kes | |
| 21 Mar 05, 2:34 PM effie 12 yrs |
I think you misunderstood. I meant the F word as in F for Fun, which all too often seems to be a bit of a dirty word.
Thanks for your thoughts, everyone | |
| 22 Mar 05, 6:03 PM Salopian UK(SY), 9 yrs |
I applaud the general point here. Now, at the risk of getting a flame or two, I have noticed what seems to me to be inconsistencies in some of the "this is real" types. I give an example of a female sub that I spoke to via the net and phone. She had described in detail what she was looking for. Real life 24/7, no safewords and so on. AND YET as soon as the words "orgasm deprivation" or " orgasm control" entered the conversation, the reaction from her was very much along the lines "Oh.....err, now hang on a minute". I read this as her saying that it was all to do with the lifestyle and being true to oneself etc.....nothing to do with sex of course....but err, I do still want my orgasms ! I have encountered this apparent inconsistency twice at least, during my search. Me? I am a hedonist ! D |
