Coming to terms with it (36)

What a wonderful first post! Welcome here.

And yes, I think that what you are describing, basically was the same for almost everyone out here.

Some may have found out earlier, some found out later on in life, but the acceptance of your own feelings, taking yourself serious, and not be scared by it, indeed is the first step.

Oh, and regarding age.... that really is unimportant.

"Class is the impartial, consistent display of emotional integrity."

I think you couldnt have picked a better site to say how you feel, as alot of us have been though just the same thing.

I personally can relate to pretty much everything you mentioned, only diference being im starting to accept who i am a little bit younger (im 25).

Ive got the feeling this thread is going to be filled up with alot of other people saying things along the lines of ' i know how you feel' and 'your not the only one'

I hope this will reassure even more that you should be happy with who you are. At least you know plenty of people on here are happy with who you are anyway, we love 'your kind' around here

xxx

One thing I would say is beware. Yes, this is definitely pervert central and there lots of people whose main recreational activity is doing all of those things that you want done to you, but there are also a minority of weirdos and really messed-up people whose chief desire is f****ng up other people's heads. Just like vanilla dating, there are those who are in it for quick fix of kink and sex, those who are looking for a long term relationship if possible, etc. There are some who will tell you that a good submissive should simply do what the hell they are told and stop asking so many bloody questions, or they'll propose some quasi-religious system whereby you get promoted through the ranks of their 'family' via various collars until you become the alpha sub.

My advice would be to experiment but be bloody careful too. Find what works for you what doesn't. Are you a bedroom-only kinkster, who wants a 100% equal partner as soon as the kidnap play is over, or do you want to let your partner be in control of you 24/7? Are you okay with being one of two subs to the same master, for example, in a poly setup?

Unlike vanilla dating, its not just your feelings that can get hurt, it's your health too. Just like vanilla people do, my advice would to find out what bits of D/s you like, what style of dominant you need, what things about D/s you really need to make you happy, etc. There should only be three or four things that you really, really need in a partner. And once you know what they are, don't accept anything less, ever.

Edited 10 Feb 12, 4:11 PM by JustTony

Self-honesty is not a weakness, but rather an asset.

Couldn't agree more! Welcome!

T

'They say I've a high pain threshold, or am I just stubborn?'

Concur!

T

'They say I've a high pain threshold, or am I just stubborn?'

^

Very good advice.

"Class is the impartial, consistent display of emotional integrity."

I did feel a similer disgust with myself for a while, especially as I had a very strict christian upbringing, it seemed to go against everything I was taught. But I have come to terms with it because of one simple fact.

It is concensual. It is between two people, who have BOTH choosen to make their fantasies into realities and enjoy the time together.

Thats the beauty of it, but Its somthing Iv had to hammer into my head for a while and only now am I starting to realise how compleatly ok that is.

Talking about it is the first step, seriously, Well done for doing it ^-^

I always had myself down as someone who wasn't "normal" throughout my developmental years so maybe that "helped" for me to accept my sexuality/BDSM interest. In fact, I don't even think I had a phase of needing to accept it because I always enjoyed my fantasys.

I've mentioned the above because whilst I appreciate that you might not be able to relate OP, I just wanted to throw the concept out there that its not to late to accept your sexuality and that you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I do know people who have had a really bad time of it in terms of accepting themselves as people who like and want o do BDSM. I don't think anyone should have to feel like this but I guess it remains that it happens and I think that's a real shame because there's so much to be enjoyed within BDSM once you become ok with it.

Maybe you feel guilty for a) having BDSM fantasys and then b) denying them/being mad at yourself for it.

Sorry if my post hasn't been much help but I just wanted to throw some thoughts out there and wish you the best because if you do find a way of embracing your sexuality in a positive way then there is a lot to be enjoyed. The past has happened now. I urge you to embrace a kinky future like millions of others do shamelessly

It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice xx

Growing up in the 60s and watching contemporary and older mainstream films they are full of our kinks.

No one would openly say so yet most films have kinks in them. The scriptwriter had simple plot lines. Hero, gets caught, tied up, escapes. This simple theme is in a multitude of films. Often when the heroine/whatever female role is captured they are tied up, and usually in the most impractical yet conveniently sexual way (hands tied held high up). Don't believe me, watch any Bond film.

In the industry there is a way of doing things, (like in sport journalism there is the same vocabulary, like, picked from sport on BBC sport football: 'is being eyed up' 'are braced for an ap'roach' 'no plans to quit'' 'in pursuit of' etc etc. The journalist has a list of phrases they repeat. Likewise, filmmakers have a library of scenarios to build up and most contain some kink.

I could go on (and usually do) about other themes, pirates, now, come on, that is about as mainstream a theme as you can get. Pirates capturing, ravishing and so on.

When you want to reach the widest audience you construct the components that work. Spielberg is the expert on teasing emotions. This portraying of kinks is no accident and was (is) deliberate. Over the decades things have become more open, now it is acceptable and open to portray gay actors, 50 years ago camp actors were there very clearly there yet nothing was said publicly. At the time the film was made, a producer complained that Peter Lorre in 'The Maltese Falcon' was too much a 'pansy' (their vocabulary) yet no one would have said anything publicly about his obvious portrayal (brilliant as ever in his case).

The reason I say this is that the media, especially films have helped us and contributed to our inherent kinks and hopefully, but probably not in my lifetime kinks will be accepted, as gays are now so one day most (all? but that is another subject!)will be acceptable and not Daily Mail 'horrified of Tunbridge wells'.

I am as honest and open as I can be. Workwise I have to be careful because of the people I work with who are vulnerable and although I don't mind I would be very upset if any fallout or negative publicity about me would embarrass or upset them. However, as in the best one liner jokes on the Daily Telegraph recently I added my little contribution, (amongst others) 'Then there was the masochist who liked to take a cold shower first thing in the morning … so didn't'

When people ask me what do I do I always answer “I do being me, Steve.”

Basically, be happy who you are what you are, courteous, don't ram things down people's throats ... (hmmm well uninvited) be sensitive to those around who may be negative or upset and also may like you once were, appear very anti, as I have found sometimes 'the lady doth protest too much'.

have fun!