Being Outed (52)

@Muzzlehatch A fair question. I accept that much of this might be my own perception. Or perhaps self-perception as, for a long time, I was not entirely comfortable with my own proclivities. That is in the past but there might be some residual feelings there. And, of course, there are those who are far more active socially on the scene than me and obviously someone who is an event organiser will have wider experience than me.

That being said, I will give one recent tangible example. (I do know of a few others but, whilst I do not personally doubt their provenance, it would not be right to relay others' experiences as retold). I hope I'm not opening any wounds, as I see that @Ishmael has posted on this thread, but there were complaints from the “public” (how widely that should be interpreted I know not) about last summer's Boat event.

So do I.

Yes, that's because I'm a former activist, and I've been on The Scene for 25 years, I'm very firmly comitted to our right to be able to express our sexuality without interference from bigots or blackmailers.

And that disqualifies my contribution how?

The Boat Party has been running since (at least) 1987, and it has never (to my knowledge) offended any members of the public. While it's quite possible to see our partygoers on deck from the Embankment or the bridges, one would need a very powerful pair of night binoculars to see any high jinks going on below decks - one would need to go to some considerable effort in order to be shocked.

Furthermore, nobody on The Boat is unaware of the proximity of the rest of London, so if they decide to play on a boat sailing through the middle of it, running a minute risk that a Sun reporter with a long lens may snap them getting spanked, that is in most ways an informed decision - and no tabloid newspaper has ever bothered with any such silliness - I'm sure they'd send someone aboard with a hidden camera, if they were really that bothered.

I was informed by the boat company, from whom we hired the boat last year, that they had had complaints from the public; the nature of the complaints was not disclosed and, since this was the first I have heard of such complaints in the 18 years I have been running The Boat, I am bound the view the claim with some scepticism.

It is my intention to hold The Boat Party again this year; the craft I have in mind affords far greater privacy than the previous one, and what issues brought disappointment to a small number of attendees last year will, I can assure you, be addressed.

Cultivate a reputation for excentricity, then you can do pretty much as you damn well like.

Edited 10 Feb 12, 7:36 PM by Ishmael

Didn't mean to imply you had, merely clarifying.

Cultivate a reputation for excentricity, then you can do pretty much as you damn well like.

Kink is regarded as dirty and immoral. Ignorance is rife. I've met lots of people who confuse kink with swinging for example. I agree there are many who think 'eek, not for me, but whatever floats your boat.'

But I have to say, if you honestly think there's a tolerant world out there, read an article in the Mail or other dirt scraping rag. Look at the high profile individuals who have been belittled or demonised as a result of their kinks. You only have to look at the reporting of transgender issues, or the titilating reports of autoerotic asphyxiation cases to see the sneering and derogatory attitudes.

I know of several people who have been sacked or forced out of work, or been shunned by neighbours and friends. And if you work in a profession with the vaguest of connections with children or vulnerable adults, tolerance is not a word you would recognise.

So all power to your elbow if being 'outed' was a positive experience for you. For many people it's devastating, career destroying and emotionally very difficult.

You save yourself, or remain unsaved. - Alice Sebold

There are 208 comments. Judge for yourselves the level of intolorance shown.

Owner of The Croppery Dungeon and Breakfast. Organises The St Leonards munch.

Oh good - you managed to hire that submarine then?

Likely dates, so we can clear the diary?

Of course; The Daily Mail, The Sun, The Express all have agendas that include the spread of hatred and ignorance and fear - that's what they do - they want people to be scared of doing kinky sex, or any sex, and they want to be able to treat people that do entirely as they see fit, which is generally extremely badly.

But that is not acceptable.

Yes, that has happened, and every instance of it was evil and wicked. The headline in The Sun this week about a transgendered person, who had apparently had sex with x thousand men, was no more than an attempt to foment hatred of the transgendered. There are people that hate the idea of any kind of freedom and want to restrict it by means of hateful propaganda; they are our enemies, and enemies have to be fought.

Again I agreed that there is a long way to go, but it is vital that we strive to enlighten and inform because our enemies' tactic is to spread ignorance and lies.

You didn't hear that nice Dr King saying 'I have a dream, but the white folks'll never let is come true'.

Cultivate a reputation for excentricity, then you can do pretty much as you damn well like.

hows it going these days? well I hope

07877 346 466 if you ever want to chat

take care

Mark

It's good to switch

My ex. starting the "out" campaign. He knew the things I had confided in him about me were very private to me and I was sensitive about those issues around my sexuality. Obviously sometimes we trust ex's and it goes wrong. I accept that - philosophically sometimes ex's do stuff like that. We made peace later and it blew over. However: years after, a female 'friend' of his decided to reactivate it as some kind of personal vendetta even though she had never met me. She took to posting intimate details of my sexuality on unrelated blogs on IC; for clearly no other reason than to humilate me. The kind of "look what I can tell people about you that you are sensitive about". It's a power trip, doing that on here, it's a power trip in the same way as if someone vanilla had outed her to her friends.

As @Ishamel said earlier:

A friend of hers later said I shouldn't have referred to the blog where she decided to publicly out me against my will (it was not the first time she had done it). Her friend was concerned it would 'damage her reputation' - once people saw that she liked to 'out' people! It seemed lost on her friend that had she not indulged in her own public outing ceremonies in the first place there would be no reputation to ruin! The fact that 'outing' was not a nice thing to do to me, a stranger, was of no consequence to her friend, her only concern was her friend would get a bad reputation if people knew she did stuff like that! Had she not decided that 'outing' was acceptable if done by her and on IC she would have no reputation to damage. It was almost as if, "She's allowed to out you, especially if it causes you distress, but you mustn't tell anyone she is outing you because it'll damage her reputation"!!!!!!!!!

Just because I am on IC, does that mean details of my sexual behaviour are not private if I haven't chosen to reveal them to the world?

In that way IC is no different to the rest of society, people will still like to play the superior power trip and choose to out people who are not ready.

Winnie the Pooh asked Christopher Robin "How old will you live to?" Christopher Robin said "100 years."
Winnie the Pooh thought for a moment then said "I will live to 100 years minus 1 day so I never have to spend a day without you."

Edited 12 Feb 12, 2:45 PM by Black0rchid