A mismatch of desires (23)

Finding playpartners or D/s only relationships seems to be easy - but add a bf/gf dynamic into the mix, even if you want it to be D/s led or a FLR and it becomes incredibly difficult.

I wish most male subs did see me as a woman first, but even the good guys seem to struggle bringing the two sides together and seeing me as a woman/gf as well as a Domme. At some point I am going to really want a LTR (as opposed to just going with the flow at the moment and seeing what or who is out there) and I do worry about that. I know it happens - I've met very happy long term couples - but I also know its quite rare and I might have to be very very patient. But at 33 I'm aware at some point I'm going to want to settle down.

I really dont want to become the bitter moany old Domme, muttering about how useless and self obsessed all male subs are - but I totally get why they become like that - and whilst the concept of being the crazy cat Domme lady is amusing and has appeal - I dont see why I cant have what so many others take for granted.

My shopping list has grown with me, over the years. The one thing about getting older is - generally - we have had more experience from which to learn, from which to grow. Over those years I've tried pretty much everything in this BDSM context and now know exactly what I haven't enjoyed. I don't discount the possibility of anything similar happening in the future, however, I've learned from those experiences.

I have a long shopping list much of which is expressed in prose rather than a list (but yes, there are bullet points of what I like and dislike at the bottom). My profile tells the story about me. I defend it (although it is due an update), the new one, once written will still list the fact that I don't want to get involved with anyone married or in another relationship, it will still say that I don't want anyone young enough to be my child or old enough to be my parent and it will still say I hate the smell of smoke on breath and clothing. We might as well discount those who would not be able to comply there. They are there because they would be deal breakers. If I didn't list the things I didn't want, anyone outside my criteria would never be mutually compatible. There are some things on which I am unwilling to compromise; but not everything. I have only touched on the slightest hint of my "kink" and demonstrated flexibility. I have only listed "blindfolds" as a like - hoping the implication that I would prefer someone who is willing and trusting enough to let me guide them where I want them to take them. (To some extent the opposite is true).

Why not reduce the likelihood of incompatibility from the beginning? It saves hours!

It doesn't mean that anyone who does then seem to fit the bill will be perfect, we need to have chemistry and a spark, but you'll never know if that exists until the first meeting.

Still I get contact from the 30 year old smoker. It's not fool proof, but works for me.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

To Honor! if you can't come in her, come on her!

Yes I think you may be right. I've enjoyed several vanilla relationships over the years but it's not what I long for. We have something in common at least in that I'm interested in women who like fireplay. It's something that has been sexually arousing to me since my early teens but it is quite difficult in finding women who share that interest.

Happiness is a warm bum

your posts are a bit age orientated today Tony, is it your birthday?

Put your feelings where my mouth just went.
Ian Dury

a_dearheart wrote: your posts are a bit age orientated today Tony, is it your birthday?

Thankfully no, that's not for some time yet. I greet birthdays with very little visible enthusiasm these days. In fact I actually forgot to be 42, for six months.

I blame the evils of drink for my melancholy- a brutal hangover always seems to make me feel that little bit closer to Eternity.

Jesus - at 33 she's old!

I find it easier to list my needs and desires in an interview type formula with the use of powerpoint or excel spread sheets.

I divide an A4 sheet of paper into two columns with about 50 spaces underneath.

The left hand column is marked "Essential" and the right hand column "Desireable". In the essential column I list about 10-15 fetishes which the domme must have or must be into and equipment he must own.

The desirable column has more scope for individual personality. Doms are free to express whether they are into something or not and I rate them between 0 - 10 on their response.

This means they don't have to be into everything I am into, if their overall score rate is high enough to make me immensely satisfied in other areas, and I think it gives them a fairer chance.