Posted by misunderstoodslave on Mon 6 Feb 12, 11:16 PM to misunderstoodslave's blog.
So tomorrow I move into my little house.
The House of Correction, my Master laughingly calls it. I'll be there during the week, back with my babies at weekends.
He told me to move near to him, for his convenience. I'd rather have been on the sea, but in town was better for him.
I don't want to go. I was crying about it tonight. The ex-husband was polite but uninterested. He plans to move into my room, our old room, tomorrow night. Won't let it go cold, it seems. Children won't speak of it. Poor lambs, it is they who suffer the most in all this.
I asked again if there was any chance for us. Why do I do that? I know I am in love with my Master, that I don't actually want my ex-husband that way any more. Why can't I admit that, finally? Don't know.
Perhaps because he's not my Master, he's hers. Every time I have a magnificent, beautiful, orgasmically wonderful time with him, like this weekend, it is at her expense. How can I? It's no good for me either, of course. Even he knows that. To be so devoted, so hopelessly obsessed with a man who "probably" loves me, but in any event would never leave his wife, even if he adored me as I utterly worship him.
It will end in tears. Mostly mine. Probably some of hers, too. I know that all too well. And I cannot find it in myself to care, even for her, which makes me a bad person. I had the best fuck of my life on Friday: Is that sad, that I had to wait till I was 47 and it was probably not that great in many people's eyes, or is it rather cheering, that you can still learn new tricks, have magnificent new experiences, even at my age? Possibly both?
I was away with him this weekend. Just the two of us, in a special time out of time. How I loved him; how I rejoiced and hurt at his humiliation of me (who knew that just waving a tape measure in my general direction could have me weeping and practically incontinent with shame?) how I worshipped his body, his pretty cock, his feet, his luscious bottom.
But ultimately, he is not mine. I will be doing a lot of jigsaws in my lonely little house. I have got to sort out a broadband connection, or I won't even have access to IC. And that would never do!!
| 6 Feb 12, 11:34 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs   |
Could you possibly just move into that new house for you? You will be in a better position to cope with any residual fall-out if you do it for you. And better placed to care for your babies. You may not know this yet, but the ultimate choice is, in fact, yours. May your move be a good one, may you find joy in your soul...and may you learn to love you. These wishes I send to you, because they belong to you. <hug> "How the fuck are you going to do that with your eyeballs bouncing off the fucking cement?!" | |
| 6 Feb 12, 11:47 PM misunderstoodslave UK(OL), 2 yrs |
How very kind you are, AC. Btw, I always think you are a way pretty lady from both your posts and enigmatic photos. Beauty doesn't really lie, we just lie to ourselves. Though I felt much better after my tummy tuck, so I don't call your sister on her breast lift, it's all about how it makes us feel (in answer to your previous blog post.) I'll enjoy my jigsaws on my own, in fairness. | |
| 6 Feb 12, 11:52 PM Adverse_Camber UK, 3 yrs |
Lol...I feckin hate jigsaws! I don't judge my sis, or anyone...we all do what we feel we need to at that moment, nobody else's place to judge, just to open the possibility to other paths... Have fun lovey, whatever you do. Life's so short... x "How the fuck are you going to do that with your eyeballs bouncing off the fucking cement?!" | |
| 7 Feb 12, 12:14 AM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs |
I am so sorry that you have been crying, I agree with AC that this needs to be for you, to make you happier. I can understand how torn you are feeling now, really, but I guess with everything you need to decide when the sadness is more than the happiness. Good luck. | |
| 7 Feb 12, 7:10 AM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
It's a new chapter. Maybe not the one you would have chosen, but the one you have. So like AC said, try to go into it with the best possible attitude. It sounds like your relatonship with your ex is also improving - you said "The ex-husband was polite but uninterested" - that is a huge progress over how angry he was previously, so that is positive. And you are spending more time with your master. That has its own challenges I know, but that is positive too. Children are more resilient than you think or expect, especially if you keep showering them with love and they feel secure in that love, which I am sure you make them feel. So think of your new house as *your* new house, not the place that you have been banished too. It is the start of a new chapter in your life, and you can make it what you want. ((Big hugs)) There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me | |
| 7 Feb 12, 7:33 AM othyim NL, 3 yrs |
Just sending hugs.
Huge ones. "Class is the impartial, consistent display of emotional integrity." | |
| 7 Feb 12, 10:50 AM Caracal UK(SS), 5 yrs      |
I wish I could send you a housewarming pressie, something to help make the little house into your own but I'll send you some virtual hugs and lots of strength through the ether instead. What facilities are near to your new home? Is there a local social centre of some kind that you can go to rather than sitting in alone moping over your jigsaws? Maybe take up a new hobby that gives you some satisfaction - it doesn't have to cost a fortune but will be something for you and will give you a sense of achievement. Wishing you all the best in your new house, hopefully it will be your new home as well. The nice lady with the whip. Edited 7 Feb 12, 10:52 AM by Caracal | |
| 7 Feb 12, 2:33 PM IrrepressibleSoul  UK(OX), 24 mths  |
well I think you do, or should have more option to choose, and make it work for yourself someone is having their cake and eating it - but I think you see that...with the possibility of tears I hope you find a better situation in the future. Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha said "with our thoughts, we make the world"......well I bet he never had to build a flippin' shed! |
