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| hollythedolly |
on Mon 6 Feb 12, 5:21 PM to hollythedolly's blog.
Jules you brought up some interesting questions in my other blog.
My emotions are all over the place.
I didn't think the loss of hair could bring such rawness. I am glad I did it only because it proved to the pair of us that I was as serious as he was about our goals. He'd travelled different countries for this relationship.
But saying that I dont feel very womanly and also this sounds really stupid but it feels like a death or a loss of identity.
It makes for interesting debate on the complying with the Dom front.
I really wanted chocolate the other night but because he knows Im at slimming world I thought I'd go down the options route.
As we are going through the body modifications he asked how many syns I wanted to rip him a new arse. In the end I had neither because of guilt and by the end of the night I wasn't really bothered.
And I suppose once I've got over all shocked looks and comments with the lack of hair.
I can move on.
| 6 Feb 12, 5:48 PM dusted UK(B), 18 mths  |
Sorry to intrude but I had to add that losing your hair is a powerful thing. When I first had my hair chopped off I was doing it to go into the gay scene and when I sat in the hairdressers I cried. I was losing some of my identity and it really hurt. Over time I learned to like my new one and now, when I go back in the gay scene I'll happily chop it off. I feel powerful with no/short hair. It's why I now grow mine!
You will learn to adapt and love the different identity but I just wanted to say I empathise. It's really hard You can be the boss daddy, you can be the boss. Bad to the bone, sick as a dog.... | |
| 6 Feb 12, 5:57 PM Kali_Ma UK(B), 5 yrs |
Loosing your hair can be a profound experience. I used to have almost waist length, incredibly thick, long, red hair...but most of you know me as someone with short, dramatic 'punk' hair, and I love it short, you can make statements with it, dye it frequently, mess it up and have fun with it in a way you can't with jaw/shoulder/mid back length hair. I think once the shock has worn off and you embrace it you'll find it imbues you with a sense of confidence. K x 'I heard she's a bit of a thug' Mister Bear. | |
| 6 Feb 12, 6:20 PM hollythedolly UK(NN), 2 yrs  |
Thanks to the 2 posters. I've got to say it was one of the loveliest nights of my life and I dont regret what happened. But I think it speaks volumes on how shallow I am.I feel Im the female version of Sampson and my beauty/strength was wrapped in those locks My Master said I used my hair as a shield because i don't believe that i am a pretty woman but the reactions it has brought out in us both is quite weird. He feels guilty but saying that we are continuing with modifications.
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| 6 Feb 12, 6:24 PM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
I am not surprised your emotions are all over the place. It depends a lot on your looks too - some women look great with long or short hair, or different colours. I don't, short hair doesn't look good on me, and job and family wise, there would be limits to what would be acceptable. So while the idea of relinquishing control over this aspect of my appearance sounds appealing in practice, I don't think I could completely give up control - it would need to be with a caveat about my family/job/etc.
Other things would bother me less (to give up control over), but hair....
And in many ways it is like a death or loss of identity - because it is an external manifestation of how your relationship is progressing, and "giving up" the old you
Hope that you "grow into" your new head of hair, and find it as liberating as @kali_Ma has! There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me Edited 6 Feb 12, 6:25 PM by Shypeachybottom | |
| 6 Feb 12, 6:42 PM FluffySub UK(NN), 6 yrs      |
This. Give it time, you'll love it x
Not huffy or stuffy, nor tiny or tall,
But fluffy, just fluffy, with no brains at all. | |
| 6 Feb 12, 6:57 PM Helen_Back UK(MK), 4 yrs |
Holly, I think you are/were seriously brave, I cried when I accidently burnt some of my fringe off and I see my hair as my beauty so understand those feeling totally. Utter respect for what you gave to your Dom by doing this. Shel x | |
| 6 Feb 12, 7:41 PM Mysubeyes 19 mths |
Holly I can relate to what you are going through… I had spent pretty much all of my adult life with long hair and looking back all I ever did with it was scrape it back, or tie it up – leaving long periods in between getting it cut because I didn't see the point.
My first Dom told me he wanted my hair short and whilst he didn't cut it himself, (he knew me well enough to know that Him cutting my hair was a hard limit.) So I do take my hat off to you for that For me it started that process of change in becoming His… That was the purpose from His perspective and he was proud of me for not hesitating in doing it.
It's a little bit longer now but nowhere near what it used to be and I have to actually take time to keep it looking good. I'm at the hairdressers every five weeks now and I love it! Mse x I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell, and I'll die by your hand which I love so well….. William Shakespeare | |
| 6 Feb 12, 7:55 PM Monkey_Wench UK(B), 20 mths  |
Echoing all that the ladies above have said and adding that your feeling so emotional about it's loss is not about your shallowness, but rather about your general lack of confidence in your appearance. You gave him a great gift, I admire your courage. x "Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost." — Milan Kundera | |
| 6 Feb 12, 8:04 PM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs       |
^^^ This. And I'll bet you are beautiful with short hair.
@Play_Space - Next party is Friday, March 2, 2012 and the first Friday of every month! | |
| 6 Feb 12, 10:30 PM jules9 UK(CH), 3 yrs    |
More hugs headed your way - as I said earlier, hold your head high and keep that secret smile. XxX |
but, no matter what the reason it was brave to submit to it. I'd find that really hard x
... that I think would be a bit of a hard limit for me...