Proud (79)

There well maybe aspect of her past relationship that she has'nt realised that she has to let go off,

because and given the amount of time plus the children that they once had together,,

and he almost certainly still know's how to pull a few string's with her,,

it sound's slightly more complex on the emotional level,,

Please excuse crap spelling cause i,m rubbish

Not if one of them is lying.

If she has agreed to give you control over choices regarding her children and how she and her ex parent them, then you entirely have a right to be upset (I'm deliberately not going to go off onto a tangent about my thoughts on the rights and wrongs of that situation without knowing a hell of a lot more).

If she hasn't agreed that, which sounds like the case here, then you need to seriously reassess your role as her dominant. If a new Dom tried to play around controlling the single most important thing in a parents life, then I think the parent would be more than Justified to tell that "Dom" exactly where to go. Part of being a good Dom is understanding where his subs limits really are. I get the impression you vastly misJudged on this occasion.

It must be very difficult to know someone had a very deep level of submission to someone before, and know that that person is still a huge part of their lives. It must be difficult not to let that overwhelm thought processes and see things that are genuinely not there. Based on what you have written and my interpretation of it, you need to think if you can handle what she was offering and if you can, get yourself a damn good apology sorted out.

Once you appreciate her boundaries, and start earning her trust you'll know without doubt the answer to your last question.

Give her the support and the environment to be your submissive. D/s relationships break down Just like vanilla ones. If all subs who'd already had a Dom had to stop dating because they still belonged to that first Dom, then there'd be a very, very, very large group of single female subs....

Good luck.

XxX

Have you asked her why she fibbed? It may have nothing to do with her ex at all, except that when he asked to change their childcare arrangements it gave her a handy 'out'.

I think the first question you need to be asking yourself is whether you're a dom because that's the way you are, or are you just being one because you think that's what she wants?

Did the relationship start on the basis of you looking for a submissive girfriend, or just as a girfriend who turned out to be submissive whose needs you're now trying to accomodate?

If it's the latter then one way or another you're always going to end up manipulated, but if the former then you probably need to take more control.

It may not be a case of her being unable to change doms, or even manupulating you, but instead a case of her ex manipulating you both.

Without all the details, it's really hard to know what her motivations were. In fact, as I understand it, her actions weren't as a result of her trying to do something behind your back, without you, but instead were aimed at the two of you being together, albeit not at the party. Which you then scuppered by going to the party on your own.

Perhaps then she was aware of the influence of her ex, and wished to break free of it, and so didn't want to go to a party which represented her old life, with him, and instead preferred to be with you and away from all that.

You probably need to talk to her about it and ask why she didn't want to go to the party and why she acted as she did.

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender - Aerosmith

The children have to come first if you get together with a single mum and whatever the arrangement about that with her ex, it's something any new partner has to fit in with.

That's how it works whether the ex is dom/sub/switch or even bloody vanilla. They are co-parents and yes, that will always be an issue.

Edited 6 Feb 12, 11:16 PM by Perplexion