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| tanken |
on Wed 1 Feb 12, 7:33 PM to tanken's blog.
How many young women who start out as subs become dommes eventually, I've seen quite a few.
Is it because they would like to domme but don't have the confidence to start with or is it because there is a genuine switch in their nature?
| 1 Feb 12, 7:43 PM NaughtyTaff UK(CF), 8 mths |
Or because we give in to the myriad of memos from male subs begging us to become their Mistress and think 'what the heck' - it's a hell of a lot easier than finding a Dom  ...just throwing that out there?? | |
| 1 Feb 12, 7:50 PM valleyrose17 UK(BS), 2 yrs |
A myriad of reasons - from getting to know their kinky selves and discovering what they like, gaining confidence in the scene, realising that they are sub to a few men and domme to many, realising that there are relatively few really dominant men out there, pro-domming etc etc etc "Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed" Michael Pritchard | |
| 1 Feb 12, 8:39 PM bohnanza UK(FK), 12 yrs |
As the lovely skyfox has done that research on males and is currently doing it on females. It would appear the preponderance of dominance, at least in men, isn't affected by age. Once she has finished her research no doubt she will publish it and we will know for sure. I have the perfect accent for conflict resolution, shame about the personality. | |
| 1 Feb 12, 8:49 PM MissMorrigan UK(BN), 7 yrs |
Neither of the reasons you provided pertained to why I started out as a submissive, Tanken. At the age of sixteen I was young, incredibly naive, had no clue what BDSM was and I followed relationships in the footsteps of my rolemodels - typical patriarchal family wherein the woman was subservient to the male of the household. It didn't feel right to me, I had no idea at that time why it didn't. I was still a clueless child. At sixteen I met the man that would become my first boyfriend, a man much older than myself and the structure of the relationship became my 'norm' for a great number of years. After listening to my girlfriends describing their sex lives I knew mine was vastly different and reached a point where I demanded answers. The man sat me down and explained we were in a D/s relationship and the 'sex' we enjoyed was called "SM". His dominance wasn't dominance at all, he was domineering and focused on a child to have a relationship with due to profound inadequacy. Our relationship was very abusive and for many years thereafter I still sought relationships as a submissive until I realised that it was actually the endorphin rushes I craved through the heavy SM interactions I experienced. None of my relationships were successful, I received many "You aren't submissive, you're a wannabe" rants and for a long time I felt quite lost. I had always been very assertive in every day life and years later met a lovely man who began talking to me initially with interest in having me serve him, but was astute enough to realise that it would not have worked and afforded me the opportunity to top one of his submissives - but with me in the role of sadist. I found my niche and here I remain, content, comfortable with who I am and fully understanding finally all that I am. While we continue to evolve, my role/orientation will remain as is. I know your question was designed insofar as female dominants, however, I am contacted by a great number of long-established dominant males who want to submit to me (I am quite sure I am not unique in this experience) but who aren't as forthcoming and wish to keep this exploration 'hush' 'hush', which is not something I will support. The tooth fairy teaches kids to sell body parts for money ~ David Richerby | |
| 1 Feb 12, 9:10 PM lsilky UK(S), 14 mths |
I have been a sub to my Dom for just over a year now and recently the dynamic has changed to him calling me mistress, demanding me to flog him and generally passing over to me the right to to dominate him.......he reckons I'm switch and while I am submissive in the bedroom to him I tend to agree with him that a subs life isn't really for me. I lack the confidence to dominate, especially to a man who is naturally dominant (and I love that he is). That said, he would be an excellent teacher as he is evil and nasty and a bastard!!!!! Logic will take you from A to B, but imagination will take you everywhere. | |
| 1 Feb 12, 9:28 PM A_Sub_Woman 4 mths |
Could become more bitter and controlling as time goes on | |
| 1 Feb 12, 10:03 PM misstressclare UK(TA), 4 yrs £ |
Never been sub x | |
| 1 Feb 12, 10:17 PM firemynx_B UK(B), 11 yrs |
Some subs are more than capable of Topping, or being "Service Tops" and some can even Pro Domme, that does not mean they want in every day life to be a Domme. They are in the main still submissive. I don't think it has anything to do with confidence. The same could be said about Dom/mes, did they become a Dom/me because they didn't have the confidence to be a submissive. I resent the reference that people become/stay subs because they lack confidence, some of the most confident and together people I know, are submissive. It can take a whole lots of confidence and strength to do some of the things subs do.
"Dear Santa ........ I can explain!" | |
| 1 Feb 12, 10:26 PM tanken UK(NR), 2 yrs |
Yes maybe confidence was the wrong word to use. Perhaps it just pertains more to self knowledge? Happiness is a warm bum | |
| 2 Feb 12, 12:56 AM flamesdesire UK(OX), 4 yrs |
Ummm mine was more a case of....the pressures at the time = I can't be arsed to let no bugger tell me what to do!! Fortunately, the sub in me was never lost, but I have gained a wicked top edge to me that likes to be let loose once in a while.....when he let's me and I find a willing victim. Jxx "Take me from this earth an endless night- this, the end of life. From the dark I feel your lips and taste your bloody kiss." |
