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| 2 Feb 12, 9:36 AM Lj_switch UK, 3 yrs    |
^ An important point ^ also, we are all different, and not only that, we are, ourselves, different at different times.
I am into pain, a masochist, but I don't sub-space all that often (feeling smug and still glowing literally and metaphorically, I did last night, thank you My Lady The only common factor I can see in sub-space-inducing scenes is that the intensity of the stimulation varies cyclically in intensity, rising and falling, but getting more intense over time. But as others have said, sub-space is great, but it doesn't happen "to order" and you certainly won't find a switch (no pun intended *lol* ) to turn it on any time you wish. There may be something that works well for a particular person (eg needles, and no thank you!) but if your sub has such a trigger, you'll need to keep looking until you find it.
be a switch, double your fun Edited 2 Feb 12, 9:37 AM by Lj_switch | |||
| 2 Feb 12, 10:26 AM Platinum UK(W), 9 yrs |
Please be careful to not confuse endorphin, pain, highs with subspace which I would suggest is akin to a hypnogogic state of focused attention. This focus would be on the sensatioins you are causing her to experience, the comments about cyclical and rythmical activities is also in line with this idea. The rapport between the Dom and sub is also important as the s has to feel confident enough to "let themselves go" in to a vunerable state under the protection of the D.
You are not doing anything wrong or failing to do anything you should. Your sub is the person who is going to enter this particular psychological state, when she is ready. If she has not found the way to that place the answer is with her. She needs to analyse her responses to your time together and communicate what elements of her experiences were triggered by what so you can concentrate your efforts on those, if and when you are ready after all you are supposed to be in charge
In fact there lies the rub because if your allowing your sub to set the agenda she may subconciously feel less submissive. Perhaps you need to focus on activities prior to your time together to enhance her headspace in advance, ensuring she feels under your control from the moment you are together. Suprise her, gently Bear in mind that pleasure highs are as potent as pain ones, the combination of the two can be greater than the sum of the parts. Building a club sandwich of intense sensory experience and pleasure can be great fun for all involved and result in the recipient being flooded and eventually psychologically overcome and just thinking "Oh sod it!" and letting it go. As already advised do not let this become a grail and take away the pleasure and relationship you already have. Go where you wish to go with this and carry your s along with you. Enjoy the journey rather than focusing on others choice of destination. P | |||
| 2 Feb 12, 10:34 AM Monkey_Wench UK(B), 20 mths    |
Good point. I guess our definitions of subspace differ. I classify subspace as where I enter an altered state of consciousness as a result of some form of play. I feel another thread coming on....
"Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost." — Milan Kundera | |||
| 2 Feb 12, 10:40 AM atwistedgent UK(SN), 5 mths |
I appreciate this isn't the advice you want to hear but take your time, get to fully understand what pushes the subs buttons that way and try and build on the knowledge. All people are different what works for one will have another running for the door. There's no black and white/right and wrong to being a Dominant. You learn, adapt, go with what feels right for you and the sub. Get it all right and it'll click and it will be amazing but there are very few short cuts. I'm still learning things about the woman who has been the centre of my life for years now. Actually there is one rule. No drinking Malibu in public. | |||
| 2 Feb 12, 10:46 AM Shypeachybottom UK, 20 mths |
^^ This is exactly what I was thinking. If you as a dom become obsessed with "achieving subspace", as if it is some kind of nirvana, you will fail - in fact you will fail doubly because by putting extra pressure on yourself and your sub, you are less likely to achieve subspace, and secondly because you won't enjoy the journey as much. In that sense it is *very much* like obsessing about achieving an orgasm.
^^ Yup - take the time needed! By trying to achieve too much in too little time, you may be robbing both of you of some of the enjoyment you should be getting. Also... you are attaching a lot of importance to "achieving subspace"... have you ever had a discussion with your sub about how important (or not) this is to her? She may prefer for both of you to take more time, or she may be quite happy not achieving subspace everytime (especially when time is short).... Remember.. it isn't a contest... your domliness or virility is not measured by how frequently or how rapidly your sub goes into subspace (sorry to all Ueberdoms who had thought that was the case)... what matters is the quality of your interaction with her, and how the two of you connect Good luck! There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me | |||
| 2 Feb 12, 10:57 AM Monkey_Wench UK(B), 20 mths |
And then I found it had already been done.... http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/posts/305699/ "Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost." — Milan Kundera | |||
| 2 Feb 12, 1:55 PM Perplexion 13 mths |
Being in a hurry kills any chance of subspace and everyone and every situation is different. You need atmosphere, patience, skills and time. Lots and lots of time, some of which is needed for after the play.
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| 2 Feb 12, 2:56 PM ToakReon  UK(RH), 12 yrs |
If you're looking for the "instant subspace technique" then you will look long and hard without success - just as anyone looking for the "instant female orgasm" technique. Subs are sadly lacking in "orgasm" and "initiate sub-space" buttons. There is no substitute for knowing your sub/slave/plaything.
*UPDATE* Model(s) for "how to" bondage photographs (and other bondage photographs) have now been found. Thank you to all who showed interest. | |||
| 2 Feb 12, 3:08 PM Captain_Sensible UK(WV), 20 mths |
The real art of the Dom (IMHO) is to get a sub into subspace with little physical contact. Anyone can wield a whip or cane. Altering someones phsychological state of mind without contact is not something that can be done over a short period of time especially if you are not experienced.
To Honor! if you can't come in her, come on her! | |||
| 2 Feb 12, 8:18 PM GirlAfraid UK, 3 yrs |
I can't say for certain, you might be doing something absolutely ridiculous, but you're probably doing it right. Subspace isn't some a yardstick of correctness, nor is anything else really other than a) do you have a raging hard-on and b) does she look suitably pleased with proceedings. If you tick those boxes I really can't see why anything matters. I don't ever space, I don't ever drop and we're definitely doing it right.
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) almost immediately after the start of an intense flogging/caning/clamps scene. On other occasions, whilst very enjoyable, no sub-space, even though with almost the same scenario and intensity.
