Another article on abuse within BDSM (59)

With references to the article written by Kitty Stryker and discussed on another thread.

"If no sexual offence is being committed it seems very odd indeed that there should be an offence for having an image of something which was not an offence," Lord Wallace of Tankerness

I could name 4 Doms who I've been told do this kind of thing, each one reported to me by more than one lady.

And two Dommes too, one who reputedly abuses ladies, the other one gentlemen.

I have also heard allegations that two particular submissive women have made up such allegations to 'get back' at those whom they feel have done them down, again more than once.

But who to believe? How can anyone be sure which is which?

I think I have it right, but without those directly involved being willing to press charges, then the bullies, whatever their gender and orientation, will have their way.

Guy

Tawsingham, where everyone can be whomsoever they want to be @Tawsingham_Feudal guy@tawse.com PO Box 135, Hereford, HR2 7WL, UK +44(0)1432 343100

At the risk of a slight tangent, having been told this by several subs about several dom(me)s... do you intervene with a word of caution if you see "new subs" becoming involved with said dom(me)s or if you are asked you view about the dom(me)s in question? even if it is just to say "I have heard mixed things about xxx I would be careful"?

There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be, someone to watch over me
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good, to one who'll watch over me (Ella Fitzgerald, singing George Gershwin)

Edited 30 Jan 12, 11:40 AM by AstronautMikeDexter

I think when its clear and proven that someone is doing something wrong, then they do vanish being a small scene word does get around, indeed I was talking about someone just the other day who will no longer be at events because what he has done has come to light. I don't think there is a culture of cover up, I think people can be violently loyal.

1) Loads of totally different things seem to be being lumped together.

If X non-consensually has sex with Y then that's rape.

If Z sets up a scene with A that specifically involves feedback from A on what is and isn't wanted, and A doesn't give that feedback, then Z isn't directly to blame for anything that happens that A doesn't want. Of course it becomes more of a grey area if A is in a mental state where giving feedback is difficult.

2) The claims of widespread abuse in the scene seem to come from a small group of people who have a professional interest in the scene. These people also seem to be mainly using themselves and things they've heard from un-named third parties as the examples of what has happened.

3) Anyone who disagrees, either on how widespread the alledged abuse is, or on where the responsibility should lie for communication in a scene, is being attacked by claims that they're "victim blaming".

Edited to add:

4) The people behind the claims of widespread abuse in the scene seem to have a product (a workshop, articles etc.) and their claims seem to include one or more "well known BDSM educators" as abusers and a lot of educators and organisers as complicit in covering up abuse. This may be totally coincidental, but it could also be a business strategy.

Edited 30 Jan 12, 11:59 AM by Fourfiveone