Posted by bethy4ever
on Sat 26 Feb 05, 10:17 PM to bethy4ever's blog.
First thought: So what happened today? Saturdays are always quiet but I wouldn't want anything different. I lay in bed this morning reading another three chapters of the Countess. When I got up I went to my computer and tried to amend some of my writing. Perhaps writing a blog might actually help me practice my writing skills. I want to write for children, but also to write adults horror, romance and erotica. I tried writing films but somehow nothing ever seems to get completed. It is so hard to get to the end of a piece of work. I find it frustrating because I really want my children's picture stories published and maybe some of my adult stuff too. The children's picture book is excepttionaly hard because it's about boys who want to be girls and girls who want to be boys, who is going to publish something like that?
Second thought: I wish Rebecca would rot in hell. Four years after the last time i saw her she appears in my mind. It filled me with such sad emptiness, her gloating smile, her mock innocence and her fucking lies. She should be sucked up by the earth for what she did, there was never a more evil woman alive.
| 27 Feb 05, 2:32 PM bethy4ever 8 yrs |
Today is Sunday. International day of rest. Usually i am not a churchy person but i went to investigate my local Spiritualist Church today and seem to have found a home there. The people are very calm, welcoming and open minded. The seances are exciting. The hymns were all songs i knew. After years of being terrified by organised religion i find that here is a faith that i feel part of, it's not fanatical or creepy, only warm, loving, healing and accepting. i wish that i had discovered these people in my teens rather than being caught in the net laid by Evangelists to catch wayward believers.
This afternoon i have drama rehearsal, my theatre group seem to have picked up on my sad. mas. tendencies as i'm playing a pirate, i only hope they don't get typecast as a bad guy for ever because i really am good underneath.
Thoughts at the moment are really about how do i tell my family about my gender change? How do i let them know what's going on in my life? Sure, my immediate people do and i now have a name change form but i want those outside the circle to know as well, i s houldn't have to hide how i feel or who i am from my loved ones should i? It will be an interesting way of finding out if they really do love and care about me, if they carry on treating me as they always did that means they do, if they don't well they don't have to know me do they? i can vanish out of their lives so easily, and i would love to vanish too. Another country and another life where i can practice what i want and be who i have to be, surely we all have destinies that mean we leave our families behind. Well, i hope someone gives me good advice and not just bullshit about how they love me even though they don't accept. People have to accept you if they love you.
bethnee xxxx you are not lyra belacqua, you are lyra silvertongue |
| 27 Feb 05, 6:42 PM bethy4ever 8 yrs |
i have a problem with bad attitudes, with people who believe that just because someone wants to be a girl that they want to suck a man's cock. Men, if You are reading this, do not even try it. Don't You dare even approach me with that idea in Your head. Yes, i am fine with male friends and wouldn't mind being treated like a lady but by no means do You have free right to use my body as You wish. If, in some future time, i would suck cocks then that will be when it happens, right now i am disgusted by the idea. That stupid old House of Sissify is trying to fit sissies into slut roles instead of places where we can be feminine and learn to think, act and dress like women. i wonder if there are any available sites out there that can help a tg with this problem? if A/anyone reads this and knows of one then please contact me.
bethnee sissy beauty should begin on the inside |
