This post is on the Other BDSM web board.
| Sat 28 Jan 12, 1:59 PM Master_Blacksmith UK(GU), 13 mths   |
Iv recently joined up to Fetlife (Roshenko is my profile name) and I saw that one of the options it says when you put down what you are looking for is "Mentor". Now i know how that works for a trade or craft skill, but for bdsm/kink How does it work? I would be interested in meeting up with someone and learning more, but I figured i would ask first and hear other peoples opinions and experiences of it. Cheers Mike | ||
| 28 Jan 12, 2:14 PM MsBorgia_and_Mrk UK, 7 mths |
It may be that you may find someone on the scene who becomes a very good friend and you will learn a lot from them. What I think would be more likely is to learn via these threads on here and Fetlife etc., meet people at munches, maybe clubs as well, especially the play clubs, and learn things gradually from different people. You can always seek out and contact people who have a particular skill you would like to learn (bondage etc.), and approach them as well.
Edited 28 Jan 12, 2:15 PM by MsBorgia_and_Mrk | ||
| 28 Jan 12, 3:29 PM Goddess_Cleo UK(E), 22 mths £ |
Learning the 'ropes' (so to speak) in a BDSM capacity is somewhat similar to learning any other skill - if you don't know what you're doing you could look like a fool, but more importantly you could really do some damage to someone. If you are lucky enough to know someone who is happy to show you technique, safety and apropriate use of implements/tools/toys/equipment for whatever you're interested in then I'd recommend you definitely do so. Make sure the person mentoring you actually knows what they are doing - I often see male and female Dominants at clubs who look and sound the part, come across as knowing what they are doing, but in reality their technique and safety factor is poor. For example - if you are in a club setting, how many Dominants do you see having their equipment cleaned after use? Not many, if any. If a cane breaks the skin on one sub, and is then used on another without disinfection, there is always a risk of cross-contamination of bacteria, viruses and other nasties.
As mentinoed, fetish/BDSM clubs are a good place to watch, and meet those involved in the scene - you'll find the official Dungeon Monitors both approachable and knowledgeable. Munches can also be beneficial, and researching on the internet will be your most valuable source of knowledge. You can learn specific skils through courses - for example Esinem runs Shibari courses for beginners through to advanced and also has a good dvd set out which doesn't cost the earth. Kim from Club Rub coordinates Master and Mistress training events and latex courses, and there are some Pr Domme's who also train/mentor other Dominants - some for a fee, others do it for the love of it Hope you find what you're looking for - best of luck with everything... GC | ||
| 29 Jan 12, 12:16 AM RanDesu UK(WA), 16 mths  |
It appears that Mentoring and Teaching are considered to be the same, when talking about BDSM and how to use toys. Mentoring is about more than technique with a weapon or the method of placing needles, remembering to tidy up your toys and wipe equipment down. It is far more. To mentor, is to provide a sounding block and to give even-handed advice. Providing guidance by example and from experience is only part of the process. D/s is a complex ocean to navigate - protocol, tradition, interpretation and implementation. Antiseptic and a neat toy bag are not going to help much. As with other spheres of knowledge, mentoring is not about the mentor, but about the person being mentored. It is about their journey, the mentor is not in the driving seat - indeed, the mentor is not even a passenger. A fellow traveller, perhaps. One who has already traversed the rough terrain. A Mentor should always seek to be clear about whatever subject is being discussed. Always non-judgemental and unbiased, the advice or perspective of the Mentor should never gain them any advantage over the person they advise. There should be no manipulation, suggestion, or grooming. This is most certainly vital in BDSM or D/s, as the role of Mentor is not that of Dominant or indeed Teacher. There is no 'discipline' or 'punishment', as there is nothing to pass or fail. Nor is there any suggestion of responsibility on the part of the Mentor, to be taken for the actions of the person being mentored. A Mentor is responsible to the person they advise. They must always be honest, truthful, discreet and constant, even if their involvement is never known. It should always be an honour to be considered worthy. Edited 29 Jan 12, 12:23 AM by RanDesu | ||
| 29 Jan 12, 10:41 AM RanDesu UK(WA), 16 mths |
Sad, but true. Anything else, is just not mentoring. | ||
| 29 Jan 12, 10:45 AM Ama_Sidero UK(GU), 7 yrs       |
^^This. A brilliant description.
@Play_Space - Next party is Friday, February 3, 2012 and the first Friday of every month! | ||
| 29 Jan 12, 10:53 AM Mistress_Rosanna PH, 6 yrs |
This is so true and as I am seeking a female mentor please PM me if you can help.... xx
Mistress Rosanna | ||
| 29 Jan 12, 11:23 AM Ms_Valentine UK, 9 yrs |
I have been informally mentoring a male dominant friend and we have never touched on tools, equipment and technique. We have at great length talked about styles of domination, aims, goals, gender differences in domination and psychological and philosophical areas which have a connection to bdsm. Dominant partner in an FLR with @paulss | ||
| 29 Jan 12, 11:28 AM Souci_X UK(BA), 5 yrs |
Its often a concerning term, to me anyway. Often when the profile says 'being mentored by' they mean going with them to clubs or 'it was a laugh to put it down'. For a submissive its a bit like 'under the protection of' which is a dying phrase and normally isn't worth anything at all. I think there are people who can help show you the ropes etc but rarely one person who has the skill in all things to actually be a mentor. I have watched people teach whips for example because cracking them is a bit of a skill similar with rope. As to 'how it all works' a friend you can chat to or as someone else said the boards here is often a really good way of getting all that stuff. | ||
| 29 Jan 12, 11:34 AM feathersandleathers UK(PL), 4 mths |
Hello Blacksmith. I was going to reply in full but then I read Goddess Cleo's advice and I couldn't have put it better. Except emphasis her point about putting yourself in the hands of a good domme/dom. I've been a practitioner for 40 years and I believe one shouldn't dish it out if you can't/don't know how to take it. Al best "Master"Derek aka feathersandleathers. | ||
| 29 Jan 12, 12:04 PM Belasarius UK(M), 8 yrs    |
If there was to be a mentoring system, I'd recommend Ds mentored Da and subs subs. Take most of the predatory connotations away. My goal - to save women from nature (Dior) |
