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| american_girl |
It's funny - sometimes letting go with him is so easy, in a BDSM context. But I hold on so tightly to the rest of my life, and it would be nice to be able to do that in other areas.
I've recently taken up roller derby (which is made of WIN, btw), and last night was my fourth outing. I'm doing really well and am pleased with my progress, but last night I had three pretty full-on falls. Arms flailing, feet out from under me, landed first on my bum/hip, then smacked various parts of my back, and finally bouncing (yes, bouncing) my helmet-covered head on the floor.
And I did this three times in 2 hours. The second one actually made me dizzy and I had to sit out for a few minutes. The third was probably the worst. So by the time I got home, I was a bit shaken and on the edge of tears, and already in quite a bit of pain (my back was seizing).
The Tox was great and supportive. He suggested a bath, a glass of wine (which he'd go out and fetch), valium to relax my back, and some pain tablets. I, for some ridiculous reason, chose to refute his suggestions - I just couldn't let go and let him look after me. I couldn't accept that someone else could know what was best for me more than I do.
This, understandably, made him cross. I got into the shower (refusing the bath, stupidly) and he stomped out. While he was gone, I had a little cry in the shower, realized how stupid I was being, and started running a bath.
He returned a few minutes later with the wine and tablets, and I made my sincere apologies. And the rest of last night was wonderful, as wonderful as it could be with a headache and a lot of pain. I let go. And it was blissful.
Somewhere in the evening, we had this exchange.
"Baby, I'm so crap at letting go."
"Yes, lover, you are."
"You're much better at it than I am. Where did you learn that?"
"From you."
*wibble*
Sigh. And there it was.
He will teach me to let go of things I have no need to hold on to, as I have apparently done for him. And I will trust him, just as I do when blindfolded and tied to a bench with him standing over me. Cuz it's the same thing, really, isn't it? Just a different flavor of looking after.
I am truly fortunate to share my life with this man.
| 27 Jan 12, 9:37 PM chartreuse UK(BA), 6 yrs  |
Wonderful... so happy for you both. You seem to complement each other very well.  x@The_Coven / @The_Problem_Page / I want the "Moon on a stick and the Stars suspended from bunting". / So many haystacks, so few needles! / Any man can be what a woman wants him to be, if he wants to be with her... relinquish the power to her and let her lead the way. | |
| 27 Jan 12, 10:25 PM poutanaki UK(M), 10 yrs |
Awww beautiful x You are so pretty when you're on your knees. Disinfected, eager to please. | |
| 27 Jan 12, 10:46 PM Felix_culpa UK, 2 yrs |
Muppet. I rather think that's what he's there for. Do pay attention, 007. x thewholethingithinkisSICK | |
| 28 Jan 12, 12:43 AM Monkey_Wench UK(B), 20 mths    |
That made my eyes go all watery for some reason.
x "Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost." — Milan Kundera | |
| 28 Jan 12, 5:37 PM american_girl UK(CB), 2 yrs |
I could actually hear your tone of voice and see that upturned eyebrow in my mind's eye when I read your response. Thanks all - it was a moment captured, and it was lovely to read your sweet posts in response to it. xx
Primula is NOT cheese. Fuck, it's not even FOOD. |
